Why do I feel guilty

I don't understand why I feel guilty that my soon to be ex husband is going to have to pay child support.

I don't get it. I talked to a lawyer and he said it'd be around $75 to $100 WEEKLY. He bitches about me asking for $100 BI WEEKLY. About how THATS to much.

Why does he still have this ability to make me feel guilty for smurf I don't control. I don't understand it.  . I don't understand WHY I even feel bad. He's the one who was the cheater and left ME and the kids high and dry. HES the one that is living with his new fiancee, he's the one who wants to FIGHT about everything. Yet, I'm the one who feels like I'M doing something wrong.  .

/rant.

Dude... I don't smurfing know.

But BD makes me feel guilty on a daily basis about random smurf... never paid a goddamn dime of CS and makes me feel guilty about even daring to suggest that he should.

Don't listen to him, though. You're doing right by your kids.

He's not making you feel guilty, you're making yourself feel guilty.

I'm assuming this is all still fresh? Give it some more time.
He is the only one here who should feel guilty, what an ass.

Quoting Vivian [♥]:" He's not making you feel guilty, you're making yourself feel guilty. I'm assuming this is all still fresh? Give it some more time. He is the only one here who should feel guilty, what an ass."

Thanksgiving is when he told me he was dating someone else, then they got engaged a couple days later. So yeah, still a little fresh.

I just don't want to deal with the fact that I'm going to have to listen to him complain about it, and how " I'm trying to take everything and leave him with nothing."

Quoting Vile Tramp:" Thanksgiving is when he told me he was dating someone else, then they got engaged a couple days later. ... [snip!] ... that I'm going to have to listen to him complain about it, and how " I'm trying to take everything and leave him with nothing.""

Well, the benefit of not being his partner anymore, is that you don't have to listen. If he calls and starts going off, just state, "if you aren't wanting to talk about the positive things our child is doing lately, then we have nothing to talk about", and hang up. It will get easier.
BD always got mad about CS, that he DOESN'T pay. He would get mad when they put arrests warrants out for him and he would yell at me saying he was having a hard time and can't afford it as if it were my fault (he's required to pay the MINIMUM amount possible for the state of MI). I just always said, it is your responsibility and it's not up to me, it's up to the court, so take it up with them, or suffer the repercussions of your actions.

Quoting The Doctor:" Dude... I don't smurfing know. But BD makes me feel guilty on a daily basis about random smurf... never ... [snip!] ... me feel guilty about even daring to suggest that he should. Don't listen to him, though. You're doing right by your kids."

He does the same thing. I kid you not, he said he feels he should only pay $75 a MONTH in CS for 2 kids, when we agreed on $200. But he needs to realize that I'M not setting the amount, the judge is. So it's not ME making him pay.

I just have a feeling he's going to up and quit his job when the amount is set.

Quoting Vile Tramp:" He does the same thing. I kid you not, he said he feels he should only pay $75 a MONTH in CS for 2 ... [snip!] ... the judge is. So it's not ME making him pay. I just have a feeling he's going to up and quit his job when the amount is set. "

Well, let him. If he wants to be completely broke and unemployed instead of paying you some CS... that's his deal. But it's not your fault that he makes that choice.

Quoting Vile Tramp:" He does the same thing. I kid you not, he said he feels he should only pay $75 a MONTH in CS for 2 ... [snip!] ... the judge is. So it's not ME making him pay. I just have a feeling he's going to up and quit his job when the amount is set. "

BD is required $235 a MONTH. That's it. It was based off of minimum wage @40 hours a week. And he can't even do that. They garnish his wages, IF he gets a legit job, which he normally doesn't. He might work somewhere for a few months, and they will garnish like $45 bucks (they can't take more than 40% of his check) and then I will stop getting anything because he quits.

Quoting The Doctor:" Well, let him. If he wants to be completely broke and unemployed instead of paying you some CS... that's his deal. But it's not your fault that he makes that choice."

I keep trying to say something to that affect to him. That it's his poor decision making that ended him up where he is now. But self accountability is not his forte.

Quoting Vivian [♥]:" BD is required $235 a MONTH. That's it. It was based off of minimum wage @40 hours a week. And he can't ... [snip!] ... garnish like $45 bucks (they can't take more than 40% of his check) and then I will stop getting anything because he quits."

That's what my oldest son's bio dad had to pay ( my ex husband adopted him) and my ex husband use to throw a FIT about it. About how that's just bullsmurf blah blah blah... But yet, he want's to get off paying NOTHING. Logic fail.

Quoting Vile Tramp:" I keep trying to say something to that affect to him. That it's his poor decision making that ended him up where he is now. But self accountability is not his forte. "

I hear you. But... it's not your fault if he can't take responsbility for his choices, yaknow?

Quoting The Doctor:" I hear you. But... it's not your fault if he can't take responsbility for his choices, yaknow?"

Yeah I know. Idk. I guess I'm just worried is all. Of the "aftermath" of him having to pay CS. Maybe I'll just change my cell phone number ( he has my house number) so that he can't text me and just be an smurf. Because the stuff he says to me, is just horrid.

Quoting Vile Tramp:" That's what my oldest son's bio dad had to pay ( my ex husband adopted him) and my ex husband use to ... [snip!] ... a FIT about it. About how that's just bullsmurf blah blah blah... But yet, he want's to get off paying NOTHING. Logic fail."

Money and men, they have a weird relationship. They don't like to give it away, to anyone, for whatever the reason. I've never known a man willing to just hand over a couple hundred to someone every month and not know what it's being spent on. It's a control thing, and he has none so he's freaking out and blaming you. Deep down he knows he will not get out of it and that it is for his child. But there will always be 3rd party objections, aka his friends, family and new fiance, who are talking in his ear about it making the opinions for him. That is something you can never overcome, you cannot make them stop putting things in his head. He will never become logical about the situation until he stops listening to other people. All you can do is ignore it. It's out of BOTH of your hands. He is lucky he doesn't have to pay more. I know people ho pay WAY more than that, for just one child.

Quoting Vile Tramp:" Yeah I know. Idk. I guess I'm just worried is all. Of the "aftermath" of him having to pay CS. Maybe ... [snip!] ... ( he has my house number) so that he can't text me and just be an smurf. Because the stuff he says to me, is just horrid. "

 

That's not cool-- but not allowing him to contact you is probably not great, either. Hmm. Are you going to court for a custody agreement?

This has already been said, but my therapist gave me some good advice for dealing with BD and other people as well. No one can make you feel anything, you can only make yourself feel something.