*sigh*

Ugh. I just need to get this all out. I make a point of keeping my relationship issues to myself within our group of friends/family.. so I'm spilling my beans out here cuz I really don't have anyone else I can confide in. Odd how one can feel more comfortable & open on the internet.. the most public platform there is lol anyhoo, moving on..

DH and I are just.. really not great these days. We haven't been great in a long time. We are kinda just going through the motions. There are glimers of happiness and hope were I think 'oh man maybe everything WILL be ok'.. but they don't seem to last long.

I love him and I know he loves me.. but I really don't think we are IN love anymore. I think we both stay together for comfort and convenience and the fact that we WANT our family together, just like anyone does.. but I don't think "because we love each other" is at the top of that list anymore. & that should be like reason number 1   I am almost tearing up writing this cuz reality is hitting me

I don't know what to do. We've talked about the issues we have with one another extensively and it just seems to be going no where. All in all.. this entire relationship just doesn't seem to make me, or him for that matter, happy anymore. I'm tired of the roller coaster.

Maybe we are just in a deep rut, but this whole thing sucks and I just wish things were better. I'm such a happy person.. I cannot stand all of this weighing me down. I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore.

Blah. Thanks for reading

What issues are you having? Can you set up some fun dates nights away from everything? Falling in love again is totally possible. Go back to doing the things that made you fall in love in the first place.

My hubby and I have some pretty weird "off" times too. I think if when you think about him or look at him, and you don't FEEL anything any more.. it might be time to call it quits. But that's how I always knew that I wanted to be with him even if we were having a rough few weeks or months even. I would picture him or think of him and be like.."yep, he royally pisses me off sometimes and sometimes I would love nothing more than to just shake him and scream." but I still can't imagine my life without him. THe good out weighs the bad, BY far.

Quoting Smartass *TTC*:" What issues are you having? Can you set up some fun dates nights away from everything? Falling in love ... [snip!] ... Falling in love again is totally possible. Go back to doing the things that made you fall in love in the first place."

Well he cheated nearly a year ago and it smurfed with my head big time. He has done a lot to try to fix it, but more so by helping out more around the house, etc. and not necessarily by working on us or our relationship. I don't think he has that characteristic about him.. he isn't very nurturing or understanding or in touch with his feelings or interested in talking. Unless it comes to the kids.. he is so much better with them than he is with anyone lol

he knows I've stayed and feels like he doesn't really have to do anything to keep it that way. Then there is my main issue - I am resentful as smurf lol and I can't seem to let it go and I realize that helps nothing. I gave counseling a go but it was too expensive and not really effective for me. I know what the issue is, I know I need to let go if I want to make this work, but for some reason I just can't. That affects how we interact and we just aren't "clicking". Then he is frustrated and just sort of gives up and we silently distance ourselves cuz it's.. easier? idk. He really doesn't put much effort towards our relationship. He doesn't understand or seemingly care for the emotional smurf I've been going through over this. He doesn't even like talking about anything like this and if I try to it's like in one ear out the other.

Aside from that, date nights are nearly impossible. We exhaust all our resources just to have daycare for the days we work. I think that would help though