re: Is it wrong to not tell the father?

On one hand it is wrong. The father deserves to know he has a child and the child deserves to know their father. On the other hand, I can understand where you're coming from. It all bboils down to this being a very personal decision.

Some things to consider:
Are you going to be able to support and raise this child on your own?
What happens iif/when he finds out you're carrying or have born his child?
If you don't want him in the child's life, are you willing to forego child support?
If he does find out and is as crazy as you say he is, are you prepared to possibly fight a long and nasty custody battle where he may get a court order to have visitations or joint custody?
Is your future child possibly going to resent his/her father?
If this guy has hurt you before, what's going to stop him from hurting you and/or your child? It's actually not uncommon for abuse to turn away from the mother and fall more squarely on the child because honestly...nothing hurts worse than seeing your child hurt and abusers figure this out pretty quick.

There's a solution to every issue. I'm not saying that abortion or keeping is the way to go. These are just some of the things you need to seriously consider before bringing a child into this situation. In some cases, abortion is what seems to be the most fair option to the child. In other cases, it's an unfathomable option. Also remember that you're 19. You still have an entire life before you and plenty of time to find Mr. Right and start a family.

No matter what you choose, I wish you luck. If you ever need someone to talk to, vent to or whatever, feel free to PT and PM me. I've been in some pretty tight situations myself.

Quoting ☮ Phuket:" but he is physically and emotionally abusive.. he has no right to lay hands on her, what makes ... [snip!] ... My opinion.. im pro choice, but its HER baby and HER pregnancy.. not the spermdonor who cant treat a human being with respsect."

I totally agree! that is why I said up there. It would worry me to no end to be pregnant knowing that the dad could possibly see me pregnant and possibly dosomething to me.

OP- I have been in an abusive relationship. I totally understand where your mom is coming from. When I was pregnant iwth my son with my abusive ex, he wasnt bad then... it wasnt for another year that I would have found out that he was an abusive smurf. I realize that its your baby, and you want to keep it. But you have to think about what he might do. He has HURT you before. Nothing from stopping him from doing it to you when your pregnant or after the baby is born. One of the many times I left my ex, he snuck into my grandparents house while I was sleeping and stood over me until I woke up. And told me that he loved me. And left, then the next day he told me that he knew how to get in my house and if I was to leave him again he would sneak in and kill me and take our son and raise him. When I thought I was pregnant one time, he told me that if I was pregnant I WASS NOT going to keep the baby because he would force me into an abortion or he would beat me until I miscarried.

If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me <3

Thank you so much everyone, you don't realise how much I appreciate your kindness!! Thank you

Quoting Rabbit™:" On one hand it is wrong. The father deserves to know he has a child and the child deserves to know their ... [snip!] ... ever need someone to talk to, vent to or whatever, feel free to PT and PM me. I've been in some pretty tight situations myself."

!!!!!

Quoting clorida:" I'm 19 years old and 7 weeks pregnant. The father of my child is a lunatic who is abusive emotionally ... [snip!] ... I want this baby so much, is it wrong to not tell him he's the father so ican bring this child up in a healthy environment?"

If he's not going to be around, I would honestly give you the same advice as your mother. You're young....
and no, I wouldn't tell him - either way.

I'd also like to mention that me and the father split up over a year ago, and I've been with other people between then. When I conceived it was a one off when I was stupidly drunk (silly, I know). He also thinks I took the morning after pill, so as far as he's aware there is nothing to be worried about...

Quoting clorida:" I'd also like to mention that me and the father split up over a year ago, and I've been with other people ... [snip!] ... (silly, I know). He also thinks I took the morning after pill, so as far as he's aware there is nothing to be worried about..."

Good - keep it at that I am telling you. I don't regret having my son at 16...the ONE and ONLY regret I have when I look back at my ENTIRE life is telling that jerk I was pregnant. I should have just kept my mouth shut and left, he never would have known, and never would have cared.

I would keep the baby and not tell the father, if he ever asks or anyone asks just make up someone.
I know it sounds wrong, but you and the baby are far better off.

I would keep the baby and not tell him. My dad was a crazy lunatic as well. Tried to kill my mom by throwing her out of a moving vehicle when she was pregnant with me, and beat her and raped her too many times. He also did the same to my Half brothers mom. Luckily Our mothers made the decision to keep us. Otherwise we wouldnt be here. My point is, you dont need to terminate a pregnancy because the dad is a douche bag (Especially If you dont want to)
How is he going to react when he finds out your pregnant (even if he thinks its not his) I would still worry he would come after you just out of jealousy.
Good luck with what ever you decide!!

I don't think you should tell the father. Just have your baby and love it. And if the father finds out, tell him you have no idea who the father is. Tell him you slept with lots of other guys if you have to. I wish I never told my BD. My grandma gave me the advice I gave you and I wish I listened to her.

I definitely wouldn't tell the father! You have a responsibility to protect your child from harm and if this guy is abusive I would never allow him to know. There's no telling what he could try to do to you and your baby. Any man who is abusive has forfeited his rights if you ask me. Good luck op!!!

If you want to keep your baby, then do! Don't let any one change your mind! Do what you want to do! As for telling him, it might be best if you do. If you're scared that he might do something, you can have a police officer accompany you. They'll do that if you're worried something could happen.

As for people saying get an abortion cause he might hurt op or the baby if he finds out from someone else, what if she gets the abortion and he finds out and it turns out he would have wanted that kid and then tries to kill her cause she got the abortion?

If you keep the baby, there are things that you can do to protect you and the baby. Like a restraining order.

Well if he thinks it could possibly be someone elses, let him believe that. Maybe you should just not say anything. Let him believe what he wants and get a restraining order just in case.

Me personnally I wouldnt tell because if he is an a**hole then why should you there are many women today who raise there child alone without the father knowing but I say do as you please but to me there is nothing wrong with it my friend was in the same shoes she told her BD and left the town except for its not as easy for you maybe but get a restraining order against him but if you really want the baby keep it its your body not your moms.

Quoting Tay L:" If you want to keep your baby, then do! Don't let any one change your mind! Do what you want to do! ... [snip!] ... believe that. Maybe you should just not say anything. Let him believe what he wants and get a restraining order just in case.

Best advice gievn ^^^^^