For parents with teens. Long

Wwyd? I personally don't have any contact with my sister whatsoever. We don't see eye to eye and she is extremely bipolar. It's best for me to not be around her at all. Anyway, my mom lets me know how her kids are doing since we don't talk so I don't see her kids and they don't see mine. I do love her kids though. My first nephew was born when I was 9 (my sister is 11 years older than me), and I absolutely adored him. Still do. Well he lived with his dad for several years in Austin before moving back with my sister last year. I just found out that his father was abusing him and having him do whip-its with him as a child (sucking the air out of whip cream cans to get high). Disgusting. So he was already raised in a bad way and not given any kind of good role model. Which is so sad that he was not given the start in life that a child deserves. But he's been with my sister for a year now, she is a single parent of 4, her other 3 children were with her late husband who died 2 years ago in a car wreck. She receives social security for her 3 kids because of their fathers death, and does not work and shows no interest in working until she has to. Since he's been with her(he is 14 years old btw) he has stolen her van, been stealing her cigarettes, and recently got arrested for stealing a $300 bike from Walmart(this was just last week). Here's what I don't understand; this child is 14, not 18 or even an older teenager that might earn a lot of trust. She is not working, not going to school, all her kids are in school. What is she doing that she can not pay attention to her child and keep tabs on him? He walks out of the house without any explanation of where he's going or who he's hanging around. And he doesn't have a cell phone so she has no way to get ahold of him when he is out. Personally, if it was my child, I HONESTLY, not exaggerating in the least, would have an alarm system in my house so I know when any window/door is opened at night, possibly even hire a home-school teacher to ensure he is not skipping school, and have him with me or in the house at all times until he earns some trust. I know that probably sounds drastic, but if my child was doing the things my nephew is doing, I would absolutely do anything it takes to put them back in the straight and narrow. I'm not sure why she can't pay attention... she doesn't do jack-crap all day and has no obligations except to her children. I would LOVE to have some words with her but I know if I come at her after not talking in 3 years she will go bat-crap crazy. Like I'm coming in all "captain save-a-hoe" after not being involved at all for so long, and I'm sure my nephew would be the same way, like I have no right to tell him anything since I'm never around. I keep telling my mom to tell her what I would say but she doesn't, and I feel like if I don't try I will always wonder if things would have been different if I had tried. Maybe this is just more of a rant than a question. I guess, how would you feel in my situation? What would you do if this was your child?

60 views. Zero opinions. Le sigh.

Quoting Lady GooGoo™:" 60 views. Zero opinions. Le sigh."

Sorry I don't know what I would do.

Quoting Clk:" Sorry I don't know what I would do."

Looks like nobody does.  
Thanks anyway

I would start talking to your sister so you can have a better understanding of what is going on. As much as you don't see eye to eye, if you're that concerned for her son you need to push that stuff aside if you want to help him. Just like ex husbands and wives who co parent... Sounds like she and he are both dealing with a lot

Oh and if it was MY child.... I would tell them about my personal experience with living that kind of lifestyle, and would tell then stories of my friends who have died or spent most of their young lives in jail and explain that it only gets worse and harder. But if it was my nephew, the approach would be different.

Also I would put him in cognitive therapy

Quoting Cheeks mom:" Oh and if it was MY child.... I would tell them about my personal experience with living that kind of ... [snip!] ... gets worse and harder. But if it was my nephew, the approach would be different. Also I would put him in cognitive therapy"

He has in fact been seeing a therapist. Idk how often that is. I am also praying when he goes to court over this bike stealing ordeal that they can mandate a scared straight program, because if he doesn't change his ways all I can see in his future is prison, or worse. Thank you for the words of advice! I've been so torn the last few days thinking about it and DH is no help, he hates my sister and says he will never have anything to do with her, and doesn't want our children around her or her children, which I do agree with. Besides her oldest son, she has two other boys who are like 'wild child' and don't listen... not going to let them influence my children. So any relationship I have with her and her kids would be separate from my family.