Unexpected news.

*NOTE: No one in my family or friends know about this site, or have no idea I'm on it. So i'm 100% certain this is protected.*
My sister was pregnant a few months ago, she had mixed feelings and was very very unsure, I supported her and told her her options and whatever she decides she has my 100% support. A week later she said it was ectopic, and she had to terminate the pregnancy. This is what my whole family was told.. This morning, she told me she had lied to everyone, and that she had an abortion, and her boyfriend guilted her into it. She told me she was scared of telling anyone that she had one because 90% of my family are pro-life. My mom has been upset since the said ectopic, beings it would of been her second grandchild. My sister is now pregnant again, and has definitely decided to keep the baby. But she feels horribly guilty, I don't know how to comfort her, all I know to do is be there for her. I'm not sure what to tell her, she wants to know if she should tell our mother and the rest of the family about what she did? She wants to know if she should stick with her boyfriend, the one who guilted her into her first abortion, and the father if this baby too. I don't know what to tell her...Advice?
Thank you for reading.

It may help her to express her guilt, you never know, your family could show some sympathy about it.

Do her and her boyfriend get along well? Do they have problems besides him guilting her in to it? Does he know about this pregnancy yet?

Quoting JiLLiAN.:" It may help her to express her guilt, you never know, your family could show some sympathy about it. ... [snip!] ... her boyfriend get along well? Do they have problems besides him guilting her in to it? Does he know about this pregnancy yet?"

They do have problems, because he's immature, and he does know about the pregnancy, but he tries to avoid anything to do with it.. He's a big kid.

If it were me personally, I would not tell anyone anything. It's really no one else's business, and they could take it hard if they are pro life.

I would just tell her that you are there to support her regardless and that she should not feel obligated to tell the rest of your family about her choice.

As for the guilt, that's a tough one. I know that there are places that do post abortion counseling, planned parenthood may have some information on that for her. There are post abortion support groups as well.

Her relationship, I mean yes he may have guilted her into to it but is he a good guy otherwise? Do they have a good relationship otherwise? Is she happy or unhappy? Unplanned pregnancy can be a very scary thing, I'm sure many men and women have felt abortion was the best option just due to being really scared. people say and do crazy things out of fear.

Quoting and then there were 3.:" They do have problems, because he's immature, and he does know about the pregnancy, but he tries to avoid anything to do with it.. He's a big kid."

Well, no one can tell her what to do with her boyfriend, but herself. If they are having problems and he doesn't act like an adult, that's not someone I'd want to stay with. They could split up, and see how things go once the baby is here, and if he is more involved, then give it another shot.

well, I wouldn't say anything to my entire family. If she feels your mom NEEDS to know the truth than she should tell her, I don't think it'll make things better..might make them worse but if she feels she needs to know than she should tell her..

and seeing as how she is now pregnant again I would say yeah now she should work things out...is her boyfriend remorseful at all?..I mean, what he did was a dick move but are they at a place right now where they can work on their relationship?...I mean, had my husband done that I would've told him to smurf off and gone on with my life because in the end that's my child....

I'd just tell your sister that these are big life decisions SHE needs to figure out because in the long run she's the one who has to live with her choices, not you.

It might be easier for her to speak to her OB and be referred a list of mental health doctors so she could speak with a counsler that can help her learn to cope and understand her emotions and how to get more in control. It doesn't help that the change in her hormones will make her feel more uneasy with accepting the thought of why she's decided to abort the first but keep this one. If the family doesn't accept her truth very well, it may only cause more stress and it's not like by telling anyone will change anything.

I don't think she needs to tell the family --- you never know how they will react. It's in the past and what's done is done. Nothing can change it or take it back, so telling them now will just hurt them more and cause mistrust. But, that's just my opinion (which I'm surprised about b/c I'm usually a "honesty is the best policy" person ---- but really, no good will come of her admitting this now. SHE might feel better b/c of the guilt, but she will have hurt everyone else for no reason.). At least she has told you & that gives her someone to confide in & support her.

Also, about privacy ---- you should google your name. I did this once & when I went to "images" --- my avatar & a link to this site was there --- and to the thread I posted my innermost thoughts about my m/c last fall. I was uncomfortable knowing that anyone I know could google me & find this  

Thank you guys for your replies! I just told her that she does NOT have to tell anyone in the family if she doesn't want to, I told her if she thinks it would relieve some of the guilt, then she needs to think long and hard about it because it might cause problems with the family.
About her boyfriend, he IS a good guy (other than the guilt trip), he's just a big kid. I told her she just needs to do what is best for her, whether that is continuing fixing her relationship, or leaving it.
I told her about maybe therapy? Or maybe talking to her OB about it.

And no worries about them finding me on baby gaga, my name is not listed...I also googled to make sure.  
I appreciate the answers.

Quoting and then there were 3.:" Thank you guys for your replies! I just told her that she does NOT have to tell anyone in the family ... [snip!] ... worries about them finding me on baby gaga, my name is not listed...I also googled to make sure.   I appreciate the answers."

You might want to mention that if she's looking for forgiveness or understanding by telling your family then that's not really the way to go about it as the reactions may not be that and may make her feel worse about things. She needs to find a way to forgive herself and understand/ come to terms with it, no one else can give that to her KWIM?


Hope everything turns out well for her.

Quoting 36-24-36OnlyIfshes5-3:" You might want to mention that if she's looking for forgiveness or understanding by telling your family ... [snip!] ... and understand/ come to terms with it, no one else can give that to her KWIM? Hope everything turns out well for her. "

Thank you. I will mention it!

Quoting and then there were 3.:" They do have problems, because he's immature, and he does know about the pregnancy, but he tries to avoid anything to do with it.. He's a big kid."

This sounds like trouble to me.