If you and your partner fight about things important... like how there are important things to work through. (ugh it shouldn't even be a fight he just always turns it into one) do one of you just always give up and move on and try to forget rather than actually working through the issue. Or do you talk things out?

My partner will NOT talk anything out, He always feels attacked when anything is mentioned about problems. And he won't address them. Then fights and we stop talking then just move on. Each time I feel less and less love for him because our issues dont get solved. Then he wonders why I dont feel affection. Its hard to when everything you mention you get attacked for then never addressed and then get ignored.

Is this how most couples work? How can people live in relationships like this?

we fight, but whatever issue we have usually gets resolved.

Quoting TantricLemons:" If you and your partner fight about things important... like how there are important things to work through. ... [snip!] ... for then never addressed and then get ignored. Is this how most couples work? How can people live in relationships like this?"

*hugs*

We have implemented a 1-10 rule. Once something starts getting heated, or we're disagreeing we'll say "1-10?" 1 being less importance, and 10 being very important. If he's a 7 and I'm a 4, I know I need to back down a bit and really listen to him since it is obviously more important to him. If I'm an 8 and he's a 3, then he needs to really listen.

It hasn't solved everything, but it has helped.

We fight and I make him sit and talk to me to resolve the issue if it were up to him we wouldn't talk about it at all.

He thinks my "problems" aren't important so they never get solved. He gets super defensive when it comes to things I think he's lacking at.

For instance last night I was telling him how his brother (who has lived with us for 4 months) has never wiped a counter or picked up a broom. He literally walked away from me because he thought it was stupid.

Things NEVER get resolved. Sometimes I want to just give up, and I have many times. But I love him and I know he can be everything I want. We need therapy.

We do both actually. I might ignore it for the day or a few hours to kinda let us gather our thoughts. When we "talk" it ends up with me getting irritated and yelling. But it's when I'm most honest with my feelings and thoughts. afterwards I wonder if he gives up to spare me getting any more pissed or upset than I already am   He often says the same as yours. He doesn't know what to say so he lacks major communication skills and I do most of the talking  

When we have a problem we usually fight about it. I usually get to the point where I go silent and SO keeps pushing to solve the problem on the spot. Then I get extremely angry at his inability to walk away and I exploded. He finally walks away and later, after I have cool down we come back to the problem and I usually win.   I know it isn't nice but it really is true. It is rare for us to keep the argument going past the day it happened.

Quoting TantricLemons:" If you and your partner fight about things important... like how there are important things to work through. ... [snip!] ... for then never addressed and then get ignored. Is this how most couples work? How can people live in relationships like this?"

We always work through it and have some kind of plan at the end of a fight.

Of course there are middle of the night both babies are up and we are so miserable let's fight about everything to pass the time then never talk about it again in the morning fights, but anytime there is a persistent problem, it gets worked out.

I have to push my SO to be open and talk about things. Our thing is to have whatever it is resolved before bed. (dont go to bed angry). My ex husband always belittled my feelings thoughts and arguments and would ignore me when I brought something up and 4 years later I didn't love him anymore. I would tell him that he needs to respect your feelings and concern and that if things are going to work you're going to have to actually put in.some work.

Quoting sassy chef:" *hugs* We have implemented a 1-10 rule. Once something starts getting heated, or we're disagreeing ... [snip!] ... important to him. If I'm an 8 and he's a 3, then he needs to really listen. It hasn't solved everything, but it has helped. "

LOVE that rule! We will have to try that out.

We work through our issues. DH wont let things die down. I'm the kind of person that when an argument breaks out, I need to take a few minutes to get my head on straight so that I dont react rashly. He usually wont give me that breathing room though. He wants everything fixed right then and there. On small issues, I usually end up just forgiving and forgetting.

The "problems" we have that aren't getting addressed are pretty big. Its things about us. Like honestly, and things like that. He has NEVER ones listened to the things I bring up. He always feels attacked and just starts fighting and finds some way to blame me. Like when I found out he never told me that he started smoking again after hiding it for a while. It was my fault because I didn't know, I mean they were always in his pocket, I just didnt notice.

We talk it out always.

My ex and I would ignore problems until the anger built up in both of us then we'd have blow out fights.

Quoting sassy chef:" *hugs* We have implemented a 1-10 rule. Once something starts getting heated, or we're disagreeing ... [snip!] ... important to him. If I'm an 8 and he's a 3, then he needs to really listen. It hasn't solved everything, but it has helped. "

I am actually a really big communicator I word things in the most non-threatening ways ever. But he always attacks me when I bring stuff up. Him and I were just texting back and forth and he was mentioning how he wants to feel affection. (we a few weeks ago got into the cig fight i just posted about and he just moved past leaving it in the air that basically its ok for him to not tell me things if he feels like he will get "chastised for them" like smoking) Of course I am not going to warm up to him if those things dont get worked out. So I explained I am left with this feeling of conflict and anxiety when we cant talk through things, that we need counseling. I am sure he is going to start fighting with me about me even saying that.

We always talk about and resolve the issue. It's the only way a relationship can remain healthy IMO. Sometimes it takes a couple days, but it always gets resolved eventually.

Our relationship used to be like the one you're describing. Eventually I told him that I wouldn't be in a broken relationship (this was before we were married), and that if we didn't start to talk about our problems that I would be ending the relationship. He said it caught him out of the blue   He's one of those people who can literally just get over anything if you give him time. Half the time he forgets that we were even fighting. He knows that I can't just let major things slide, though, so we started talking about them. Our relationship improved by leaps and bounds after.