sooooooo many words misspelled!!!! Truly sory trying to type with infant on lap....=)

can understand what your saying.........I agree but with him wantting to still be intiamate after not wantting to address the issue she wants to talk about is why i said don't have sex with him till he knows that in order for her to want to have sex and be close like that ,he first has to respect her enough to talk about something thats bothering her.

Quoting TantricLemons:" He can ONLY look at it from his side. He only sees his problems as real and mine as nagging or w/e. These are serious issues to me, I can't just ignore them."

Sorry you're dealing with the whole weight of a relationship  .

That is just a road block basically. It's something you can't and shouldn't be expected to look past or work around yourself. You cant just drag someone along for the ride without getting burnt out and I think you are just at the point where it's time to evaluate the emotional price you are paying to be in the relationship vs the payout you are receiving.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" Sorry you're dealing with the whole weight of a relationship  . That is just a road block basically. ... [snip!] ... point where it's time to evaluate the emotional price you are paying to be in the relationship vs the payout you are receiving."

Agreed 100%

You've seriously just described my marriage. We will argue and he blows up at me, turns it around on me and then threatens to leave. He then ignores me for a day or two and when he's over it he will suck up in order to get me to ignore it. We are actually at the suck up phase right now after a huge bow out on Sunday and I can honestly say that I no longer care. I regret marrying him and am no longer in love with someone who is an angry, manipulating asshat. I just refuse to make such a life altering decision while pregnant but I know that I'm done fighting for something that isn't worth it.

We try to communicate...but it turns into an arguement and he brings in every little unrelated thing...past unresolved issues...the house isnt spotless....accuses me of having no self esteem ( which I feel like is him talking to himself)....and then I get pissed off and tell him I need time to cool down...if I dont leave for a few mins or if he doesnt take a walk...it escalates into him screaming at me and slamming/throwing things...and me leaving with the baby for the rest of the day....every time.

Lately over the smallest things....he has anger problems from abuse he endured as a kid and I am emotionally d rained. We need counseling...bad

I know it sounds cliche to say "read a book", but I just finished this book called "boundaries" and I think it could really help you. (sorry can't write more at the moment. got a toddler tugging on me, but let me know if you want me to elaborate.)

this is the book:
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

Quoting Daenerys™:" I don't agree with using sex as a bargaining tool. There needs to be mutual respect and a level of communication in a relationship IMO."

I agree. Unfortunately our relationship is horribly unhealthy and I dont feel respected or safe sharing, so I don't feel any intimacy towards him. We do not have sex, I will never again have obligation sex. It feels very unconsentual and I need to WANT to have sex to have it. I don't like the feeling of unconsentual sex.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" Sorry you're dealing with the whole weight of a relationship  . That is just a road block basically. ... [snip!] ... point where it's time to evaluate the emotional price you are paying to be in the relationship vs the payout you are receiving."

I feel that way as well, i will NOT put all the work in. I will not be in a unhealthy relationship. I will not settle for these models anymore. He has to put in work or its pretty much over. We live as roomates atm and that is all we will be unless things change.

Quoting TantricLemons:" I feel that way as well, i will NOT put all the work in. I will not be in a unhealthy relationship. I ... [snip!] ... He has to put in work or its pretty much over. We live as roomates atm and that is all we will be unless things change."

Good luck. You're a good role model to your daughters.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ✩BG Addict✩:</b>" we fight, but whatever issue we have usually gets resolved."</blockquote>




Somethings we just bicker about them & share opinion & carry on something s we talk out then... & things that build up I end up exploding & making it a point to fix it then. I guess it depends on what it is..

my ex and I never were able to address our problems correctly because he would blow up abou them and not want to work it out. we ended up breaking up because he got so intense that it turned into emotional abuse toward me.

what did he text back?

Quoting sassy chef:" *hugs* We have implemented a 1-10 rule. Once something starts getting heated, or we're disagreeing ... [snip!] ... important to him. If I'm an 8 and he's a 3, then he needs to really listen. It hasn't solved everything, but it has helped. "

ooh!!! I really like this!

Thats very hard, and I'm sorry my dear.

Evert was that way.....anytime things weren't his way or he was guilty, he would explode on me. It was his way or no way and you obviously know how that ended.
Patrick is the polar opposite. He will not drop anything until he knows that I am 100% ok with it all...... that sometimes gets hard too because it gets annoting but I would rather have an overcommunicator. He accuses me of not talking things out which may be the case from my damaged past.
We just made a vow never to go to bed mad. It has helped. And I also told him that most girls can't get into sex if they are not into it mentally at that moment....that also helped.