Quoting TantricLemons:" The "problems" we have that aren't getting addressed are pretty big. Its things about us. Like honestly, ... [snip!] ... after hiding it for a while. It was my fault because I didn't know, I mean they were always in his pocket, I just didnt notice."

I used to be just like him  . My husband made it clear that my lack of accountability and constantly blaming him was ruining our relationship, so I worked on it a lot and now ...6 years later, I sometimes think we have switched roles.

Quoting TantricLemons:" I am actually a really big communicator I word things in the most non-threatening ways ever. But he always ... [snip!] ... cant talk through things, that we need counseling. I am sure he is going to start fighting with me about me even saying that."

DH has been more difficult to talk to since his PTSD has really flew into high gear, so *hugs*. I know it can be hard.

Quoting MommyToWesley:" We always talk about and resolve the issue. It's the only way a relationship can remain healthy IMO. ... [snip!] ... just let major things slide, though, so we started talking about them. Our relationship improved by leaps and bounds after."

ugh that is how I feel. I don't want an unhealthy relationship, and I am not going to feel like we are in a caring relationship... unless we are. And caring means to acknowledge each others feelings and problems.

I have told him the same thing SO MANY times. What I need, what I can't do and he just ignores it. Things if he makes me some food he can fix it.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" I used to be just like him  . My husband made it clear that my lack of accountability and constantly ... [snip!] ... him was ruining our relationship, so I worked on it a lot and now ...6 years later, I sometimes think we have switched roles."

He can ONLY look at it from his side. He only sees his problems as real and mine as nagging or w/e. These are serious issues to me, I can't just ignore them.

Quoting sassy chef:" DH has been more difficult to talk to since his PTSD has really flew into high gear, so *hugs*. I know it can be hard."

He REALLY triggers my PTSD to. It is sooooo hard to talk about my problems it leaves me feeling so anxious and scared before hand. Then if I get screamed at when I open my mouth and finally do it... it just reinforces my fears  

He is texting me and I am literally afraid to look @ it. if he attacks me for saying that I need communication in this relationship I will cry. I can't deal with that one more time.

Quoting TantricLemons:" He is texting me and I am literally afraid to look @ it. if he attacks me for saying that I need communication in this relationship I will cry. I can't deal with that one more time."

I am so sorry you have to go through this and I hope you guys can find a way to effectively communicate with each other.

Quoting Daenerys™:" I am so sorry you have to go through this and I hope you guys can find a way to effectively communicate with each other."

I get this anxious feeling of dread and it probably wont go away all day because i know he is going to drag this out  

Usually if its an ongoing problem it takes a few times before we talk it out because we try to ignore it thinking its not enough to fight about

Quoting TantricLemons:" He REALLY triggers my PTSD to. It is sooooo hard to talk about my problems it leaves me feeling so anxious ... [snip!] ... and scared before hand. Then if I get screamed at when I open my mouth and finally do it... it just reinforces my fears  "

That's not acceptable, hun. I'm really really sorry.

Quoting TantricLemons:" I get this anxious feeling of dread and it probably wont go away all day because i know he is going to drag this out  "

I can relate to you and I know that it is no fun. I wish I had better advice but when things get rough, remember to just breathe. It's amazing how a few deep breaths can sometimes help anxious feelings subside.

I try to come up with a resolution but often the same things come up over and over. Resolutions don't stick. But I can track down the source of 90% of our fights to one thing..his anger and lack of control over it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting sassy chef:</b>" *hugs* We have implemented a 1-10 rule. Once something starts getting heated, or we're disagreeing ... [snip!] ... important to him. If I'm an 8 and he's a 3, then he needs to really listen. It hasn't solved everything, but it has helped. "</blockquote>




I love that rule! I'm glad you shared it, we'll have to try it.

DH and I usually talk through things, but sometimes we end up talking in circles and just get annoyed and give up.

Well I feel men will be men and some times to get them to listen you have to withhold the pussy cat! Then once you have their attention let him know that you will not have sex with him untill he realizes their is a problem and it needs to be addressed!!!!!!!!! Let him know that in order for you to lay down and do the most intimate thing two people can do........he first has to love and care for you enough to listen and be able to talk about your problems!NOW i'm not sayin he's going to magicaly change but it will get his attention!So if you guy's get upset and start yelling it will make for GREAT make-up sex and hopefully he learns and argguing in marraige is bad but a sex less marraige is worse....lmao just playing.....but hopefully it does cause for him to learn to talk to his wife even bad talks make for a marraige that has communication!!!!!! GOOD LOOK!

Quoting gina cline:" Well I feel men will be men and some times to get them to listen you have to withhold the pussy cat! ... [snip!] ... it does cause for him to learn to talk to his wife even bad talks make for a marraige that has communication!!!!!! GOOD LOOK!"

I don't agree with using sex as a bargaining tool. There needs to be mutual respect and a level of communication in a relationship IMO.