re: Little boy at school touched my daughter :/

Quoting Ur Local Frnt Desk Clrk:" I feel awkward and uncomfortable even WRITING this out buttttt, I really need some advice. BADLY. My ... [snip!] ... What would you do???? I need to know what the smurf to think because I haven't been able to calm down since I found out."

if it's another 5 year old that touched her, then yes.. you are blowing it out of proportion.
kids get curious.
maybe they were playing "doctor".
so not the same as a grown man or woman touching a child. THAT is sexual molestation.
but one 5 year old touching another? that's called healthy curiousity.

Your daughter might have even reacted the way she did after reading queues off you, your panic over the situation, etc.

No way, you aren't blowing it out of proportion. That is not a "boys will be boys" situation. The teacher was way out of line to say that, but maybe she didn't know how to react??? I have 2 boys. They know that we don't touch other people's private parts or vise versa. Being that this little boy is 5 years old, he probably isn't doing it to hurt her... but it needs to be made very clear to him that it's unacceptable behaviour.

What worries me about things like this is he could be re-enacting a situation that may be happening to him?

We need to be our kids voices - You NEED to contact this little boys parents and let them know whats going on - espically if the school isnt going to take action! I really feel for this - I have a 5 annd 3 year old daughters.. And while nothing has happened to them- I was sexually abused from age 7 until I was 16. TELL SOMEONE. I wish someone would have stood up for me when I was younger and tried to reach out to an adult.

<blockquote><b>Quoting electrichoney:</b>" if it's another 5 year old that touched her, then yes.. you are blowing it out of proportion. kids get ... [snip!] ... Your daughter might have even reacted the way she did after reading queues off you, your panic over the situation, etc."</blockquote>



This, BUT I would bring it to the principles attention and if nothing is done I would contact the boys parents my self. It could have happened more than once and he could be doing it to other kids. Kids can be F*d up from a very early age. You have no idea what the boys home life is like and the damage he could be doing to your daughter and other kids. Boys are curious, but that doesn't make what he's doing it acceptable.

how did talking to the school go?

Quoting electrichoney:" if it's another 5 year old that touched her, then yes.. you are blowing it out of proportion. kids get ... [snip!] ... Your daughter might have even reacted the way she did after reading queues off you, your panic over the situation, etc."

sure, kids are curious, but... you're not allowed to touch each others' bodies at school in that that way. playing "doctor" at school is not acceptable. sorry.

Quoting MommaNoodle:" sure, kids are curious, but... you're not allowed to touch each others' bodies at school in that that way. playing "doctor" at school is not acceptable. sorry. "

It's not acceptable, and the kids need to be addressed, but I think the point they were trying to make was that the boy isn't necessarily at fault either. It can be a mutual game that obviously they should have been watched better, but it isn't automatically a case of her being abused by a boy. I know that when we hear "boy" and "girl" we automatically think the boy is the predator, but in the case of same age kids, it can be totally mutual exploration and the reaction could be waht made her cry later, because she thought she'd done something bad.

Quoting she nan igans:" It's not acceptable, and the kids need to be addressed, but I think the point they were trying to make ... [snip!] ... be totally mutual exploration and the reaction could be waht made her cry later, because she thought she'd done something bad. "

true. i see what you're saying. and if she touched his penis, then i agree completely. i guess she will have to own up to that, if it happened. and then i could see the curiosity. but the incident should still be addressed because it's inappropriate for it to happen at school.

if it was a matter of just him touching her or just her touching him, then i would want whomever was the "aggressor" or "initiator" to be punished. the sex/gender of the child doesn't matter much to me.

Quoting MommaNoodle:" true. i see what you're saying. and if she touched his penis, then i agree completely. i guess she will ... [snip!] ... would want whomever was the "aggressor" or "initiator" to be punished. the sex/gender of the child doesn't matter much to me. "

I don't think there needs to be punishment if no one was forced. I mean, even if he said "can I see yours" and she agrees, he shouldn't be punished. Explained that he shouldn't do it? Yes. But not punished for something that was consensual (if it was consensual). I mean, the issue started with her asking a male adult to tickle her there, so it's possible that she did that at the time and that they were just kids exploring. I'm not saying that *IS* the case, but neither do I think a 5 year old should automatically be assumed to be a pervert in need of punishment for something that might have been totally innocent exploration.

It needs to be addressed, but that doesn't mean kids need punishment automatically. That's all I'm saying.

Quoting she nan igans:" I don't think there needs to be punishment if no one was forced. I mean, even if he said "can I see ... [snip!] ... exploration. It needs to be addressed, but that doesn't mean kids need punishment automatically. That's all I'm saying. "

i meant he should be "punished" if he was the initiator and she was not interested, or vice versa. and punishment isn't necessarily the word i'm looking for, but it's the closest term i can think of lol. like.... disciplined? talked to? idk. if one initiated it and the other was not interested in the curiosity, i think some kind of action should be taken.

if they were both just curious, they should be told it's inappropriate for that time and place and whatever else, you know?

Quoting MommaNoodle:" i meant he should be "punished" if he was the initiator and she was not interested, or vice versa. and ... [snip!] ... if they were both just curious, they should be told it's inappropriate for that time and place and whatever else, you know?"

Yeah, I agree with that. If it was not consensual then there should be a punishment because it was overstepping someone elses personal boundaries. If it was consensual play, then they both need to be spoken to about limits and personal space.

I think a lot of times parents can cause more problems for their kids because of their reactions, and that's maybe why I'm sensitive about it. As in, they FREAK OUT and the kids end up feeling like they did something wrong. That breeds a lot of body shame with something that should be addressed, but shouldn't cause a kid to think they're bad, you know? Honestly this is how a lot of victims end up feeling responsible. Because people are so upset by it, and kids internalize blame, so they think that parents are mad AT THEM.

It's a rough situation to be in no matter who it is, you know?

Definitely not blowing it out of proportion. When I was alot younger, a boy made me do some things that still haunt me. But its definitely not normal. Maybe he watched something he wasn't suppose to and was curious as to what it was like? I feel so sorry for your daughter.  

OK UPDATE!!!

I went into the office and asked if I could talk to the principal or counselor about some things I was concerned with... and basically hes going to talk to the teacher about the comment, look into the matter, and yes, him and that little boy will be separated.

As far as my daughter goes it won't happen again, and he will be contacting the parents just to let them know that there is some inappropriate touching.

Quoting Ur Local Frnt Desk Clrk:" OK UPDATE!!! I went into the office and asked if I could talk to the principal or counselor about some ... [snip!] ... it won't happen again, and he will be contacting the parents just to let them know that there is some inappropriate touching. "

that's awesome

Quoting Thisperyears:" Hell smurfing no. I'd be storming into that school demanding to talk to the principal, school board, the other kid's parents, school psychologist, whatever it took to get to the bottom of it. "