I need advice please!!

I am almost 12 pregnant with my fourth baby and am scheduled for an abortion in two days. Never have i felt so torn and undecided. I have 2 children, ages 7 and 9 from my ex-husband. I also have a daughter from a previous relationship who just turned a year old. That relationship ended when i was 5 months pregnant. He disappeared when she was 3 months old and just resurfaced a few weeks ago. I received no financial help from him and have no idea if he is in the picture for now or for good. My ex-husband is very sporadic with his child support. My biggest issue are work and finances for daycare. I am in the public safety sector and work rotating 10 hour days and 14 hour overnights every week, which makes daycare very tough. And my hours are set in stone. If i don't report for duty at the start of my shift, on time, it creates huge problems. It is very hard to find daycare the for the hours i work - i have been very lucky to have a set of girlfriends who have helped me out with the baby, but that may be coming to an end soon, as one is about to go back to work. As it was, i pulled into work on two wheels to get there on time after running the older two to my ex-husband and then the baby all the way across the city and then doubling back to work. I know i am very lucky to have a secure, civil service job that allows me to provide for my 3 as far as health insurance, vacations, pension, etc. I don't know that if i keep this one, that i will be able to keep my job. Now, to complicate things further, i don't know who the father of the new one is. I know it's horrible, so please don't judge. I beat myself up about it every night. I was single for a year after my ex and i split up. I began dating a guy 10 years my junior. After a few months, i think the reality of dating a mom to 3 set in and we split up. I was very hurt and basically had a one night stand. Then a week later, the kid i was dating came back around and we got back together for another couple months. I used protection with both, so i was beyond floored to find out that i was pregnant. I went for a dating ultrasound, which puts the conception date in the week of my one night stand and getting back with my ex. This brings up a whole set of issues with telling my kids if i keep it. One guy is black and the other is white. So it's not like i can even play it off for now, because i have no idea of the race of the baby. How do i tell my kids and what does that make me look like as a role model? Will it tell my kids that it is OK to have random sex? And how will it affect their lives? We already run crazy most days with basketball, soccer, scouts, etc. Can i still do it with a fourth? The cons so outweigh the pros in this situation. But i just don't know if i can bring myself to abort this baby. I look at my kids sleeping at night and just cry for hours. This is already a person. Already a boy or girl. Already going to like or dislike macaroni and cheese, soccer or reading stories. Who am i to take that away? I have looked at all the pro-life pictures online. They broke my heart. I know they are there for a purpose, but does that make them any less true? And to boot, i save lives for a living. I have been saving and rescuing strangers for almost 13 years. And i am going to kill my own child? I am so lost right now and have absolutely no idea what to do. I have gone to a counseling center, talked to friends, my mom, my boss. And i am no closer to an answer. I know keeping this baby may cause me to lose my job and means to provide for my others, but i think to abort my baby may kill me. Sorry for the long, rambling message, but my kids are about to get home from school and i am running out of time to make a decision. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!

Quoting darianmybean:" I am almost 12 pregnant with my fourth baby and am scheduled for an abortion in two days. Never have ... [snip!] ... my kids are about to get home from school and i am running out of time to make a decision. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!"

It is your decision and I know a lot of people will say the best option is abortion but I would say my advice is to think hard about your decision before you make it, there are more options than to terminate the pregnancy but again that is your decision in the end.

First off... those pro life pictures are all wrong, what you saw is so messed up.

Second off, if you know having this baby will make you loose your job and it will stop you from providing from your others, then I think abortion is the right answer.

If you need to talk you can message me any time.

Quoting darianmybean:" I am almost 12 pregnant with my fourth baby and am scheduled for an abortion in two days. Never have ... [snip!] ... my kids are about to get home from school and i am running out of time to make a decision. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!"

What about letting the baby be adopted? Some families would be grateful for that.

Quoting Brandi Milam:" What about letting the baby be adopted? Some families would be grateful for that."

But its not her job to carry a baby for them.

I'm no help OP, but good luck! I hope everything works out for the best!

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" But its not her job to carry a baby for them. "

I did not say it was her job. But if she is hurting that bad just thinking about doing it, she needs to know there are people behind her who are there for her.

Quoting Brandi Milam:" I did not say it was her job. But if she is hurting that bad just thinking about doing it, she needs to know there are people behind her who are there for her."

But do you know what her kids would go through if she does adoption? Not to mention what she would be like?

I have given serious thought to adoption. I have a couple co-workers who are such wonderful people and cannot have children. My heart aches for them, even more now. Where someone like me can get pregnant so easily and they try for years with no baby. I would love to be able to give that gift to someone. If my kids were too young to understand, i would do it in a heartbeat. But my oldest two would never understand.

Thank you so much Yurvette, i may just take you up on that once my kids go to bed tonight. How do i message you privately?

Quoting darianmybean:" I have given serious thought to adoption. I have a couple co-workers who are such wonderful people and ... [snip!] ... to someone. If my kids were too young to understand, i would do it in a heartbeat. But my oldest two would never understand. "

I know how you feel mama. <3 My son was 4 and a half when I placed my youngest. And he is very much hurt and he still doesnt understand. I know it would hurt you to go through with this abortion, but think of how much your kids will hurt if you did adoption.

Quoting darianmybean:" Thank you so much Yurvette, i may just take you up on that once my kids go to bed tonight. How do i message you privately?"

I will message you.

At the top where it says My profile and then the red box with the number, you click the red box.

Quoting darianmybean:" I have given serious thought to adoption. I have a couple co-workers who are such wonderful people and ... [snip!] ... to someone. If my kids were too young to understand, i would do it in a heartbeat. But my oldest two would never understand. "

I think there would be more of a possibility of them understanding if you just told them out right that you are having a baby, but once the baby is born he or she will go to be with new parents. Be open about it and tell them that you are having a baby for them because they can't have one on their own. I think if it was explained the right way they would understand. That is of course if you decided that you wanted to give the baby up for adoption instead of having an abortion.

Quoting AbbieChrysler3312:" I think there would be more of a possibility of them understanding if you just told them out right that ... [snip!] ... understand. That is of course if you decided that you wanted to give the baby up for adoption instead of having an abortion."

Any kid wouldnt understand placing a baby for adoption. You dont have any kids.... So you dont know how kids would relax.

Quoting darianmybean:" I am almost 12 pregnant with my fourth baby and am scheduled for an abortion in two days. Never have ... [snip!] ... my kids are about to get home from school and i am running out of time to make a decision. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!"

you sound like you know what's best for you and your family....you're just thinking waaaaaaaaay to much into it. you have all legitimate reasons to want to go thru w the procedure. you have to keep telling yourself that the reasons for which you are acting upon are indeed legit and that there is no other option...this is what's best for you and your family that you already have....financially, mentally, physically. it will b ok! just trust yourself!