re: I need advice please!!

Quoting AbbieChrysler3312:"

This wasnt a debate. Trust me I do have an open mind.

Oh another thing, I have had an abortion. So dont give me that. Having an abortion was easier than doing the adoption.

I know that the most sensible thing to do is have an abortion due to work, finances and the situation in general. But these are the times of night that i can't stop thinking about it. When my three little ones are all tucked in, sleeping soundly. My son looked at me tonight before i put him to bed, grabbed my face and kissed me. Told me"i was the best mom he ever had and he loves me to the moon and back again." I almost lost it right there. I know with a fourth we will have to give things up. We might not take a vacation like we have every summer. It might be a limit of one sport per child and clothes bought at a second hand store instead of individual shopping trips with mom every school year. And time will be split into quarters instead of thirds since it's just me here. But all i can think is that a bigger family and a house full of love is way better than losing one and being able to do more for my kids. Then i sit here crying and thinking if i can realistically stretch one paycheck to provide for a family of 5 instead of 4. We're treading water already. I just don't know what to do. I have always been able to make command decisions under fire and think logically. This has thrown me for a loop. I am an absolute puddle right now and i feel like i've talked about it as much as i can to my friends. I hate to burden them. But i just don't know what to do. I have never felt this level of grief and despair at any point or during any experience i have ever had. I feel like i am going to have a mental breakdown because this is totally self-inflicted. But i know i have to pull it together for my kids. In the meantime all i can do is cry and scream, pray and beg. It feels like i'm racing towards thursday morning and i can't put it off any further if i am going to do it. This is awful.

Quoting darianmybean:" I know that the most sensible thing to do is have an abortion due to work, finances and the situation ... [snip!] ... It feels like i'm racing towards thursday morning and i can't put it off any further if i am going to do it. This is awful."

please research all your local resources. Things you may not qualify for as a family of 4, you may qualify for as a family of 5.....Resources that taxes from your paycheck go to pay for. Childcare vouchers, energy assistance, foodstamps, cash aid, medical assistance and WIC may be available. There are usually local crisis pregnancy centers or baby pantrys that help w/things like diapers, wipes, clothes, etc....If you really want to give your child the gift of life, there are ways to make the financial burden easier. This is your choice alone to make.....be as educated as possible. You are the mother, so you get to decide the fate of your born children and unborn child. As a child would you have traded ''brand new'' clothes for ''hand me downs'' or hamburgers for peanutbutter & jelly if it meant you were able to have another sibling?

I've already looked into assistance, but i don't qualify because i make too much money. They consider my gross pay, not my take home. And my take home is significantly lower once they take out my pension, health insurance for my kids, ex-husband and i, union dues, etc. And i can't remove any of those things to have more money coming in. I don't know how they figure these things out, because my income stretched to provide for 4 is super tight. And like i said before, the biggie is daycare. I don't know anyone who does daycare overnight. And most daycares around here have hours of 7-5. My day tours begin at 7 and end at 5. But if i have a serious call at 445, i may not get out of work until 8. My overnights i work 5p-7a. I have to get the baby from my friends house and get to my house by 720 when my ex-husband drops off my other two to get on the bus. It's nuts. I had a live-in nanny for awhile who nannied on my overnights for free, in exchange for free room and board. Sounded ideal, but ended up a nightmare. I know abortion is the best answer for my situation. If i lost my job i would lose my means to provide for my other kids. I am so lucky as a single mom right now to have the job i have to provide and still have tons of time with my kids. I am just brokenhearted at the prospect of abortion. I have been hysterically crying since my kids went to bed. Do you really ever get over it? I feel that if i do it, things will never be OK again. Like i'll sink into some deep despair that i'll never be able to recover from. I already feel this baby move. I know most doctors say you can't yet, but i do without a doubt. I felt it this early with my last baby also. I just can't imagine being able to look at myself in the mirror ever again if i go through with this.

Quoting darianmybean:" I've already looked into assistance, but i don't qualify because i make too much money. They consider ... [snip!] ... with my last baby also. I just can't imagine being able to look at myself in the mirror ever again if i go through with this. "

you mentioned the possibilty of losing the childcare for the baby you have already....in this ecomony keeping a job is never a guarentee. Look at this situation from all angles.
Say you go through w/termination of this pregnancy and then get laid off the following week, suddenly putting you into the income bracket for ''assistance''....this senerio happened to a close friend of mine 2yrs ago. She hasnt recovered from the grief of terminating and she blames her deep depression on the fact that she gave up her baby for a job she ended up loosing anyway. It is devestating just watching her try to cope w/the situation, i couldnt imagine living it.

Quoting darianmybean:" I've already looked into assistance, but i don't qualify because i make too much money. They consider ... [snip!] ... with my last baby also. I just can't imagine being able to look at myself in the mirror ever again if i go through with this. "

You never really get over an abortion. Yes it kills you right now to think of everything. But before you type me back just take a breath. Close your eyes and take a breath.

Like you have been saying, you have been talking about your kids that are already here. and how you love them. Yes things would be stretched but then you have to think about if you lost your job due to you being pregnant, you wouldnt even provide for your kids. Trust me, I know how you are feeling right now.

If its not the right choice for you, then its not. Keep the baby. If it is the right choice for you, write down all of the good positive reasons why you are going through with it. And remember the sadness that you are feeling right now does not last forever when you see them laugh or smile at something that you have done for them. Im not trying to sway you one way or the other. Im trying to provide you with advice.