If you didn't get the birth you dreamed of

How do you cope with your feelings? I had a great birth with dd1, but it wasn't 100% drug free like I wanted. I mean only an hour of it was medicated and I was able to labor and push med free. But I was induced. This preg I was determined to go into labor naturally, labor at home, go completely drug free. Now I can't have any of that and I've known for awhile but with delivery coming Friday its really hitting me hard. I keep seeing these wonderful births on a baby story, wonderful stories on here, people posting about home births, people talking about the business of being born, looking at pics that say stuff like "birth is not a medical procedure" etc. I just cry Everytime. I don't know how to accept that this is reality and I won't Ever get what I wanted. But I just feel like I'm mourning a loss in a way. Will I feel better about it once she's here safely? Or is this gonna be something that upsets me the rest of my life?

I've had two c-sections and will be having my third with this one. I've never even felt labor. I feel terribly deprived of the whole birthing experience.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Killingℬird(5w):</b>" I've had two c-sections and will be having my third with this one. I've never even felt labor. I feel terribly deprived of the whole birthing experience."</blockquote>

Have u been able to emotionally accept it or is it still hard to think about?

I'm going to be honest with you- I think my labor with DS1 and him being in NICU and my failure to BF contributed to my PPD.
BUT - I also had other factors such as not having help, and DS being compared to my friend's full term baby born a week later. So I'm not saying you will get PPD because everyone copes differently. I'm telling you in case you do have PPD hopefully you'll understand how it happened and hopefully catch it sooner than I did[I had PPP and had to be hospitalized].

And FFS ignore all the propaganda!

I think it varies from woman to woman. My forst was a C-Section, and I was fine with it until I got pregnant with my second and realized I'd really like to experience a vaginal delivery. My second was an emergency C-Section because we weren't handling labor and she wasn't coming down. This time I wasn't a candidate for VBA2C, and for the most part I've come to terms with having a C-Section. If I switch tp the university hospital, I can try for a VBA2C, but I refuse to deliver there. I got ate up by scabies in theor antepartum unit  

Now that this pregnancy is to the end, I am starting to regret my decision to have a RCS. This is my llast child and I feel like I missed out on some great rite of passage as a woman. The whole process of delivering this one is going to be in every way I didn't want it to happen.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Supafly★:</b>" I'm going to be honest with you- I think my labor with DS1 and him being in NICU and my failure to BF ... [snip!] ... happened and hopefully catch it sooner than I did[I had PPP and had to be hospitalized]. And FFS ignore all the propaganda!"</blockquote>

Yeah I'm already on Wellbutrin and will keep taking it once she's born. So hopefully that keeps the ppd at bay.

I know I need to stop watching and reading this stuff, but it's my interest and desire so I'm like naturally drawn to it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Killingℬird(5w):</b>" I've had two c-sections and will ... [snip!] ... whole birthing experience."</blockquote> Have u been able to emotionally accept it or is it still hard to think about?"</blockquote>




It's extremely hard for me to think about. Especially being pregnant again.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rabbit™:</b>" I think it varies from woman to woman. My forst was a C-Section, and I was fine with it until I got pregnant ... [snip!] ... rite of passage as a woman. The whole process of delivering this one is going to be in every way I didn't want it to happen."</blockquote>

So you're still kind of coping as well with eveything? I want to accept it since I have no choice. But I feel like such a failure. Everyone makes u feel like smurf for having a csection, and I know mine is necessary, it's not like I'm electing. It's literally no choice. Ooh I take that back. It is a choice of a dead baby or an alive one. But it's still hard to accept.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Killingℬird(5w):</b>" I've had two c-sections and will be having my third with this one. I've never even felt labor. I feel terribly deprived of the whole birthing experience."</blockquote>


That's exactly my situation and how I feel about it.
It makes me so sad that I'll never get to experience having my newborn placed on my chest and that everything takes longer for me to get to hold them and start bonding and all that.
And it disappoints SO that he's not able to see our babies be born and cut the cord.

I still have hard feelings about my c-section with the twins but not nearly as hard as they used to be. It wasn't neccesary and my doctor was an ass. I deal with it ALOT better than I did when they were 1,2,3 I focus on the positives now.
My babies were healthy and I succesfully breastfed for almost 1 yr.

I'm going for a VBAC with this baby, can you do that with your next if you want one?

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rabbit™:</b>" I think it varies from woman to woman. My ... [snip!] ... It's literally no choice. Ooh I take that back. It is a choice of a dead baby or an alive one. But it's still hard to accept."

yeah, it's taking a while to accept it. In the end, I know I will and I'll be happy to have one more shot at motherhood, but until she's in my arms I have nothing but time on my hands. I find ot really difficult to read people's beautiful birth stories because I get so jealous. I just want to scream "Why can't I have that!?"

I think pregnancy itself makes the feelings much harder to deal with. About a week after I had Annie, it no longer mattered to me that she came by C-Section. I'm optimistic that it'll be the same with this one.

I always feel crap about my Labour . I wanted at most gas and air , I went drug free for 22 hours of Labour after that 5 hours on gas and air then I was told I needed to get the epidural after 27 hours as I was so tried I couldn't even speak . so on the advice of the doctors I got the epidural I was on this for another 10 hours and eventually he arrived however during the last 15 hours I became very ill with an infection which LO was reacting to and was so so so so close to an emergency c-section. even when pushing I didn't do it all by my self eventually enough was enough they gave me a grade 4 epsiotomy an forceps to pull him out . He got taken to special care bay unit didn't see him for hours . and to top it off couldnt breastfeed, we both had to stay in hospital for a week for treatment which was heartbreaking .

what also upsets me is I can't even remember half my Labour and birth and he is my first an only .

<blockquote><b>Quoting Third Time Mommy:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Killingℬird(5w):</b>" I've had two c-sections and will ... [snip!] ... hold them and start bonding and all that. And it disappoints SO that he's not able to see our babies be born and cut the cord."</blockquote>


So all yours were csections? Did u get over those emotions before u got preg again? Or is it somethig that is just always kind of there?

<blockquote><b>Quoting CL & DJs Mommy:</b>" I still have hard feelings about my c-section with the twins but not nearly as hard as they used to be. ... [snip!] ... I succesfully breastfed for almost 1 yr. I'm going for a VBAC with this baby, can you do that with your next if you want one?"</blockquote>

Idk if we'll even have another one. SO doesnt, and idk after this traumatic preg if i want to go through another preg. And my csection has to be on my right side because of my placenta so idk if that'll disqualify me for a vbac with it being an unusual cut.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rabbit™:</b>" yeah, it's taking a while to accept it. In the end, I know I will and I'll be happy to have one more ... [snip!] ... after I had Annie, it no longer mattered to me that she came by C-Section. I'm optimistic that it'll be the same with this one."</blockquote>

I'm Hoping it's just the time on my hands that's making me feel this way. It's so hard when this preg has been perfect besides the internal issues which I don't feel. I feel great, I feel like I look great. And I can't even be out flaunting it and enjoying myself   everyone else bitches about being unckmfortable or fat or low self esteem or low sex drive, and I literally have NO issues. Just this stupid abnormality that I wouldn't even know about without amazing drs.