re: If you didn't get the birth you dreamed of

First off, stop watching that show!

I'm still pissed I didn't get the birth I wanted with Malachi. But I had to be induced.

In the long run I'm just glad he's here and safe.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" First off, stop watching that show! I'm still pissed I didn't get the birth I wanted with Malachi. But I had to be induced. In the long run I'm just glad he's here and safe."</blockquote>

Lmao!! I know I need to stop. But I'm sucked right in. Damn preg hormones haha.

We were due on the same day, I had to be induced on the 13th. Due to an infection in my uterus. And it still upsets me a lot that I didn't get to have him without medication to make me have him.   But I'd much rather have him here and safe.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brooke Bush:</b>" We were due on the same day, I had to be induced on the 13th. Due to an infection in my uterus. And it ... [snip!] ... me a lot that I didn't get to have him without medication to make me have him.   But I'd much rather have him here and safe."</blockquote>

How long was he in the nicu? You're very lucky the induction worked mama   congrats on your LO. I'll be having mine Friday so now too big of a diff. All the feb babies are trying to come in jan.

Quoting lolajessup:" How do you cope with your feelings? I had a great birth with dd1, but it wasn't 100% drug free like I ... [snip!] ... in a way. Will I feel better about it once she's here safely? Or is this gonna be something that upsets me the rest of my life?"

With my daughter I ended up having a vacum assited delivery and she was sunny side up! I pushed for nearly 3 hours and didn't get to hold her but a few seconds after her birth she was taken to the NICU due to breathing to fast! They placed a tube in her tummy to take out any excess fluids and air to take pressure off her lungs! I was so upset after trying 5 and a half years for her! I wanted to nurse her right away and didn't get to but was just grateful to have her.. Then my son I wanted to nurse right away too but I started to hemmorage I got to hold him longer then his sister but once I got weak they took him away and then once I started vommiting from the blood loss they took him out of the room because we were getting ready to go into the OR.. I am thankful to have both of my babies and even though they didn't go the way I wanted or planned I just look at them and just happy to have been blessed with my babies.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kaylees mommy:</b>" With my daughter I ended up having a vacum assited delivery and she was sunny side up! I pushed for ... [snip!] ... even though they didn't go the way I wanted or planned I just look at them and just happy to have been blessed with my babies."</blockquote>


Thanks for sharing. I'm hoping once I Hve her I won't care anymore. But I hate having this all planned cause it gives me time to dwell on it. And until it's all over an done I can't begin to cope and heal from it.

I know exactly how you feel.

my first birth was not enjoyable to me in the hospital
I planned a beautiful home birth with DD2 and when my midwives told me I couldnt have that (because of placenta previa) I cried and was depressed for weeks. I wouldn't even talk to anyone about the baby because I would just break down about it.
then when I had her everything went wrong and I was not only in hospital, but in the high risk ward, hooked up to IV's and forced to get more than one epidural. she;s almost 5 months and I'm still sad about it. reading home birth stories makes me sad and I feel jealous.
though I am extremely thankful that we were in the hospital I just wish things were so different.

so yeah. for me at least it got better I'm not depressed and crying over it anymore but I do get sad from time to time when other people get to have their ideal births.

I also battle with guilt because I was so anti c-section I said no matter what I didn;t want a csection because i was already upset enough over being in hospital and I feel just so awful knwoing I could have killed her because of that. that's been a bit harder to get over.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dallas ♥ Isla:</b>" I know exactly how you feel. my first birth was not enjoyable to me in the hospital I planned a beautiful ... [snip!] ... in hospital and I feel just so awful knwoing I could have killed her because of that. that's been a bit harder to get over."</blockquote>

That's another thing that's hard for me to cope with is the csection. I know it's gonna be necessary otherwise she WILL die, but I still feel like I failed  

So did you placenta previa move enough for a vaginal birth then? I still can't believe they were careless enough to not check you for the VP even though you had a placenta previa. Gah. That makes me so angry   my dr said mine could haw very easily gone undiagnosed because the vessel
Is so large. It just scares the smurf out of me   so I know all this is the lesser of the two evils but it's still upsetting to say the least.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Brooke Bush:</b>" We were due on the same day, I had to be induced ... [snip!] ... mama   congrats on your LO. I'll be having mine Friday so now too big of a diff. All the feb babies are trying to come in jan."

He's still in there.   But they're saying he should be able to come home as soon as he gets the concept of eating down. So far I think he's doing great! He eats about half of his feedings (which are 52 ml now) everytime. So he's getting there!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brooke Bush:</b>" He's still in there.   But they're saying he should be able to come home as soon as he gets the concept ... [snip!] ... So far I think he's doing great! He eats about half of his feedings (which are 52 ml now) everytime. So he's getting there! "</blockquote>

Awwe how great   idk where you are exactly. But what hospital is he at?

He's at Helen Devos Children's hospital in Grand Rapids.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Dallas ♥ Isla:</b>" I know exactly how you feel. my ... [snip!] ... just scares the smurf out of me   so I know all this is the lesser of the two evils but it's still upsetting to say the least."

they did a few ultrasounds in the last few weeks and kept saying something was in the way of seeing the end of the placenta so they couldn't get a measurement. *eye roll* "she must have really long hair or something"
finally they decided it moved slightly to the minimun they'd allow me to have a vaginal birth with, but if I decided to do it I'd need to be in high risk and prepared for csection.
makes me mad to think about.
the doctor who delivered also failed to tell me anything that happened. I found out about the VP from a nurse who came in to see my "miracle baby"
even my midwife knew and didnt tell me right away. like they were keeping it from me and expecting her to just be okay and not have to deal with the fact that they effed up. it was so confusing and i was so angry and upset.
I went from thinking everything was perfect to finding out she could have died and then she stopped breathing and was in NICU and transfered to another city because of something they didnt bother to inform me of.
I dont even know what I'd have done if she died. they did so many things wrong.
when my midwife finally explained everything to me I wanted to punch her.
she was there and should have told me the moment she knew the blood wasnt mine,. not wait until the baby takes a turn for the worst.

sorry I went ranty there
like I said before.. I am so happy you're being cared for properly
I hate my hospital

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brooke Bush:</b>" He's at Helen Devos Children's hospital in Grand Rapids."</blockquote>

Awwe. Is it close to your house? We're in Saginaw at covenant and it's an hour away from our house   it sucks. I don't plan on leaving the city until she can come home. I'd Have no way to get back soce i cant drive for a couple weeks. And I'd feel depressed and useless sitting at home alone without my baby. I just had to buy donor milk from Bronson's in Kalamazoo since I won't give her formula if she needs more than what I make at first.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dallas ♥ Isla:</b>" they did a few ultrasounds in the last few weeks and kept saying something was in the way of seeing ... [snip!] ... for the worst. sorry I went ranty there like I said before.. I am so happy you're being cared for properly I hate my hospital"</blockquote>

I just still am in shock. I am so glad she's alive and healthy mama. I get emails daily from the VP association and there's sooooo many awful stories. You should definitely send them your birth story. Do u think she knew during delivery it was the vessel or not? Did she get a blood transfusion? It's just crap that they did so many u/s and didn't even see anything  

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Dallas ♥ Isla:</b>" they did a few ultrasounds in the ... [snip!] ... the vessel or not? Did she get a blood transfusion? It's just crap that they did so many u/s and didn't even see anything  "

she said the MFM knew it was fetal blood
they had the NICU team in our room and they took the baby when she was born and gave her back and said she was okay. I could tell there was something off I kept looking at her and saying "whats wrong?" but they said she was fine so she didn't get anything. I don't know if she should have? the night it happened i started contracting. stood up and water broke/ bloody mess, and then it stopped pretty abruptly. they think her head dropped and compressed the vessel and stopped the bleeding. the hematologist thinks aside from her oxygen being cut off, a clot from the damaged vessel broke off and travelled to her brain. so she got double screwed from it. "extensive brain damage" is an awful thing to hear but she's honestly doing perfectly now. so far she has some pretty mild problems with one arm and that's it.
I get those emails too. I just don't even know where to start to write out my whole story. I could write a fricking book
I will eventually.