re: If you didn't get the birth you dreamed of

<blockquote><b>Quoting Carolann Loveridge:</b>" I always feel crap about my Labour . I wanted at most gas and air , I went drug free for 22 hours of ... [snip!] ... which was heartbreaking . what also upsets me is I can't even remember half my Labour and birth and he is my first an only ."</blockquote>

You know you won't have more kids? Or you dont know yet? How old is your LO?

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Carolann Loveridge:</b>" I always feel crap about my Labour ... [snip!] ... and he is my first an only ."</blockquote> You know you won't have more kids? Or you dont know yet? How old is your LO?"

I definitely want another I just don't know yet am scared of going through that again ! my SO on the other hand found it extremely traumatic and doesn't think he will want another :/

Hmm ... tough question. My first pregnancy was bad. It was traumatic. Labor was traumatic. I think i have labor phobia or at least I did with my oldest. That's confusing, my first baby died @23 weeks during labor. My oldest is my oldest living baby. What i remember most is how angry I was that my pregnancies were so hard and everyone else seemed to have it so easy.

I mean I have to have surgery to stay pregnant, a million doctors appointments, medication and sometimes hospitalization. Now i even need surgery to get them out. I always joked about how they needed to just make a zipper in there and I'd be all set. Plus i seem to be hit hard with the bad pregnancy luck stick.

My oldest's pregnancy was physically the easiest, but I did end up with a c-section. Emotionally it was the hardest. I had a ton of anxiety after my oldest was born. The baby blues also lasted the longest. It took me about 3 to 4 months to fully relax after he was born.

My middle baby was suspected IUGR and early induction, but I did get a successful vbac that time.

My last baby was just a disaster all over the place. I ended up with a messy c-section (L incision, no vbacs for me if i decide to have another baby) and he ended up in the NICU. By the time he was born and in the NICU for a week, mostly what i felt was dull resignation as far as pregnancy goes.

I think for me, I just always focused on the issues I was dealing with at the moment and tried to let go of the issues I couldn't control. A bad labor ending with a baby is still a good labor IMO.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Carolann Loveridge:</b>" I definitely want another I just don't know yet am scared of going through that again ! my SO on the other hand found it extremely traumatic and doesn't think he will want another :/"</blockquote>

Awe   idk how SO feels. Like idk if he's traumatized as much as me or not. I know he hates me being hospitalized but idk how he'll handle whatever happens after she's born. There's so much that could still go wrong so well see what happens.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Carolann Loveridge:</b>" I definitely want another I just don't ... [snip!] ... but idk how he'll handle whatever happens after she's born. There's so much that could still go wrong so well see what happens."

well I wish you the best in your pregnancy and hope the rest is easy sailing for you . you never know one day you may want another just need to see what happens . If you need to talk I'm all ears  

I was induced, and wound up in a C-Section. The Dr gave me pitocin at 8am, broke my water at 10am, then by 12 said I needed a C-section because I didnt progress. I was uneducated so I went along with everything. If I knew then what I know now I would not have let him break my water and I would of went home and waited it out. I really did not want a c section but I didn't know anything. I didn't know I could go home if I didn't progress and things. I just trusted in him, honestly the dr didn't even give me time to progress. I had her at 1:44 and I barely remember that day at all its so sad. I didn't get the lovely experience of pushing her out and getting her right away. I didn't see her for like 45 minutes after she was born. Then I was in so much pain I couldn't even care for her or anything. It just all around was not what I wanted nor expected. I really want to go for a VBAC but I will never again get induced unless I medically have to.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Summerfrost:</b>" Hmm ... tough question. My first pregnancy was bad. It was traumatic. Labor was traumatic. I think i ... [snip!] ... at the moment and tried to let go of the issues I couldn't control. A bad labor ending with a baby is still a good labor IMO. "</blockquote>

What's an L incision. I try to remind myself a baby is what's important, even if it's not how I wanted it to happen. I think with knowing what is to come I have too much time to dwell and be upset. I hope once she's here I won't care about anything else.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Justine's Mama:</b>" I was induced, and wound up in a C-Section. The Dr gave me pitocin at 8am, broke my water at 10am, then ... [snip!] ... not what I wanted nor expected. I really want to go for a VBAC but I will never again get induced unless I medically have to. "</blockquote>


That's what's upsetting me too is not being able to see her or hold her for hours after birth too. I'm just scared that the time after the csection is gonna be the most traumatizing for me. I won't know until it's done. But it just scares me.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Summerfrost:</b>" Hmm ... tough question. My first pregnancy ... [snip!] ... knowing what is to come I have too much time to dwell and be upset. I hope once she's here I won't care about anything else."

It just basically means that the incision is L shaped instead of across, so i have a weak spot on my uterus. It makes my chances of rupturing during pregnancy go up by a bunch. It's a vertical incision, but on the side, along with a normal bikini line incision. The high risk dr said it means I can only have one more baby safely, but my chances of rupture are higher than a regular person anyway because i constantly contract and have a cerclage to hold my cervix shut. ...Think of a balloon with a weak spot that's constantly getting squeezed a little and a thick plastic string around the knot.  

I would lie if i said I wasn't considering that 1 more baby. The argument is still leaning heavily on the No side, but maybe I'll change my mind. ... And there's proof it didn't scar me forever. lol

I think that it will take a little time for you to get everything straightened out, but you won't be damaged emotionally from this forever. It's scary, especially just sitting around and waiting for stuff to happen, but you can do this.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting CL & DJs Mommy:</b>" I still have hard feelings about my c-section ... [snip!] ... has to be on my right side because of my placenta so idk if that'll disqualify me for a vbac with it being an unusual cut."</blockquote>




Well if you do there are still some docs who take unusual cuts. My doc is one of them. Idk about yours specifically but I wouldn't let that deter me. And anyway a section last 30 mins, you get the baby for life 

And I know its not the same but I can't afford a home birth or water birth so my doula told me to only read positive hospital births. That has helped me a lot in coping with losing my ideal birth.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Summerfrost:</b>" It just basically means that the incision is L shaped instead of across, so i have a weak spot on my ... [snip!] ... from this forever. It's scary, especially just sitting around and waiting for stuff to happen, but you can do this.   "</blockquote>

I think that might be the incision I need. My placenta is covering the whole left side of my uterus. So they Hve to start on te right and go upwards a little. Is that kind of what you mean? They don't want to risk hitting placenta because I have a velamentous cord insertion and it could risk rupturing one of baby's vessels if they cut too close. And plus once my water is broken it could cause the baby to bleed out because of her unsupported vessel by my cervix so they don't have time to mess around with the placenta. They need to just get in, grab her, and clamp her off ASAP. First they want to squeeze her cord blood back into her to keep her from needing a transfusion hopefully. It's just gonna be so crazy.

<blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Third Time Mommy:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting K ... [snip!] ... were csections? Did u get over those emotions before u got preg again? Or is it somethig that is just always kind of there?"</blockquote>




Yep all c-sections, and I don't know if I can say I'm over it, it's just something I deal with. With my 1st, the medicine had me throwing up for hours afterwards and I was so weak I couldn't even hold my daughter, I just watched her daddy hold her. Then when the nurses took her to the nursery to do tests on her they gave her a bottle without telling me, to "soothe" her, which made me so mad because I wanted to EBF.
Then with my second I was able to hold her right away in the recovery room but then they came in and literally snatched her from me and told me told she needed to go to the NICU and didn't tell me why or for how long, which was the scariest thing ever. It ended up being low sugar and she was only there for a few hours, but they had to give her a bottle while down there.
This time I told SO he is not to leave our son's side for anything, and he will not be going to the nursery period, they are absolutely not giving him formula without my consent.

<blockquote><b>Quoting CL & DJs Mommy:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting CL & DJs ... [snip!] ... birth so my doula told me to only read positive hospital births. That has helped me a lot in coping with losing my ideal birth."</blockquote>


Yeah it's like if I see a topic that says home birth or water birth I'm naturally drawn to it because I'm soooo pro those and would ideally love to have one and/or the other. But now that's never gonna be an option so It makes me sad when I open them  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Third Time Mommy:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Third Time ... [snip!] ... for anything, and he will not be going to the nursery period, they are absolutely not giving him formula without my consent."</blockquote>

I've been working with the nicu Lc already. I bought donor bm to avoid formula. I'm scared since I won't be there. So I'm taking all the necessary precautions to avoid these thing happening without my consent. SO is going to go be with her right away as well. And I'm making him a list of things I don't want to happen and do want to happen. I am requesting she gets a feeding tube so she doesn't have to be fed with a bottle.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Summerfrost:</b>" It just basically means that the incision ... [snip!] ... want to squeeze her cord blood back into her to keep her from needing a transfusion hopefully. It's just gonna be so crazy."

It's probably similar. I didn't even know an incision on the side was possible until last time. How i picture it is that they did the normal incision, realized they couldn't get him the way they needed to, and sliced upwards on the side. I was pretty heavily medicated during the c-section because I was having a major allergic reaction to the pain meds. At one point, i even grabbed dr b.'s arse. lol

My recovery was pretty easy from it too. I was up and walking normally within a couple of hours. I'm not sure why. Maybe I got lucky or my dr is just really good at what she does.