I have a consultation Monday

For getting my tubes "tied". I can't say that I'm not scared. I am a little... but DH doesn't want any kids right now. We're financially "ok" at the moment, but we dont want to be struggling should we have another unexpected pregnancy.

By the time one of us will make enough money to allow the other to stay home, it'll be years. I wont put my children in daycare... I"m wayyyy too paranoid! And the clock is ticking. I'm turning 35 in April. I dont think I want to have children later in life. And everytime we have sex, I can't help but "hope" for an accident, even though I know it will be really hard on our family. DH has made it clear that now is not the time, so I feel HORRIBLY guilty for even having those thoughts cross my mind. So I want to take the possibility away.

We have a great family. We have an awesome 2 year old, my other daughter turns 18 soon... but our family works for us. I dont want to chance messing any of that up.

I just feel as though it's the best thing to do for our family. My mom says wait, DH may get a great job allowing me to stay home, then we could afford everything no problem, but DH says, yeah.... but instead of me getting a great job where we barely get by because of another mouth to feed, we'll be really comfortable and able to spoil the crap out of the kids we do have.

So... my consultation is Monday and I'm nervous. I dont know what to expect, I dont know how long from consultation to actual procedure, etc. I dont know what the pain and recovery will be like (although I've gotten some feedback on here yesterday). But personally who knows what it will be like. Then the emotional part. I wonder if I'll regret it or feel bad.

I wouldn't do it, not feeling the way you do.

Do you think you could go to the consultation, get all of the information you can and get your questions answered, and then wait a month or two to make sure you come to peace with the decision? <3

Quoting Will☮Creedence:" I wouldn't do it, not feeling the way you do."

That's what I'm thinking. I wouldn't want to get it done without being 100% sure for myself. I mean, I understand that as a family it may be the best decision, but it's still your body and your fertility, hun.

Quoting The Doctor:" Do you think you could go to the consultation, get all of the information you can and get your questions answered, and then wait a month or two to make sure you come to peace with the decision? <3"

My insurance is going to run out soon.... It's fully covered right now, and I dont know when we'll have insurance again.   The girls will, but it's 900 a month for us through our work. ugh

Quoting The Doctor:" That's what I'm thinking. I wouldn't want to get it done without being 100% sure for myself. I mean, ... [snip!] ... myself. I mean, I understand that as a family it may be the best decision, but it's still your body and your fertility, hun."

I'm soooo old though... IMO, risks go up from here, and I don't want to chance it. My last pregnancy ended in miscarriage at almost 11 weeks, and I dont even want to chance going through that again. Even though I could consider more, I'd be terrified of something going wrong. And that chance goes up the more the years pass.

Quoting Ellie.:" I'm soooo old though... IMO, risks go up from here, and I don't want to chance it. My last pregnancy ... [snip!] ... Even though I could consider more, I'd be terrified of something going wrong. And that chance goes up the more the years pass."

<3<3<3

I absolutely understand. I would put the appointment as far off as you can for your insurance purposes so you have some time to process before the procedure... so many hugs. <3

Off topic but holy smurf are you really turning 35? I would of guessed 26-28 so you look amazing! And even if, 35 is not old for baby bearing. 40+ is when I would consider it risky. It seems as though you have doubts about it, I definitely would just go and get the information but kind of sit on it and really think it out. Its not one of those things you should do if you aren't 100% about it ya know?

There is *never* a perfect time to have a kid. Life is always changing. You could think you have the perfect amount of money.. the perfect house... and then maybe your hubby would lose his job or something, or you could get pregnant now and you would win the lottery. You just never know what the future is going to look like.


I personally would sit down and talk to your hubby if you're so undecided about the whole thing. It's very difficult to reverse a tubal. I also think that you might end up resenting your hubby if you feel like he forced you to do something you obviously aren't ready to do. Most dr's won't tie your tubes unless you're 100% sure.

We have a similar but reversed situation going on over here. After my youngest was born, the hubby had a consultation with the urologist. Every time i brought it up, he would say 'Oh right .. i forgot .. i have to schedule an appointment...' Obviously you don't 'forget' something like that. lol I think he's still hoping for a girl. When the subject comes up though, I get a little panicky. We're still in the negotiation stage.  

Thanks so much for your input everyone.   I feel like I've been a mother forever too. I mean... my oldest is turning 18 soon, so I've had 18 years with her, and I have another 16 with Liv. I havent really had any time to myself at all. I was a mom at 17. Not like I'm saying I'd change any of that, I love my girls more than I could ever put into words... but I'm just wondering if it's time to stop. I'll be 50 when Liv graduates from high school and I may want to just try to travel and enjoy DH, if that makes sense?

I know I technically still have time, but I dont think I want to chance it. DH never mentioned any of this at all.... This was all my idea and I made the call to the doc without even talking to him about it. I did once I made the appt, and he supports whatever decision I make. ;)

Quoting :*:CHRiSTiNe:*::" Off topic but holy smurf are you really turning 35? I would of guessed 26-28 so you look amazing! And ... [snip!] ... but kind of sit on it and really think it out. Its not one of those things you should do if you aren't 100% about it ya know?"

Dawwww, thank you!!!!!!!!!!! :blushes:

Quoting Ellie.:" Thanks so much for your input everyone.   I feel like I've been a mother forever too. I mean... my oldest ... [snip!] ... call to the doc without even talking to him about it. I did once I made the appt, and he supports whatever decision I make. ;)"

That absolutely make sense, and I think it's normal to be sad when you decide to be done with having more children. I know I will be, too, as much as I love having kids-- I want to be able to enjoy the latter part of my life, too.

As much as being a parent is awesome, it's also amazing to be able to go where you please when you please without worrying about your small children, and spend time enjoying your spouse. <3

Quoting The Doctor:" That absolutely make sense, and I think it's normal to be sad when you decide to be done with having ... [snip!] ... to go where you please when you please without worrying about your small children, and spend time enjoying your spouse. <3"

I feel so selfish for even thinking that, but everyone has to make a decision to stop at some point ya know? Thanks for understanding.

I'll keep everyone posted on what happens at the consultation. I know the doc will be over the moon since when I went in there for my prenatal visit with the baby I lost, he asked if the baby was planned, because he "likes to see planned and wanted babies in there"  

I told Zoe last night I was considering this, and she says "you dont need to do that... just stop banging so much". OMFG

Quoting Ellie.:" I feel so selfish for even thinking that, but everyone has to make a decision to stop at some point ... [snip!] ... with the baby I lost, he asked if the baby was planned, because he "likes to see planned and wanted babies in there"  "

You're not selfish at all! You've raised/are raising two beautiful and happy kids... you deserve to enjoy your life, too.

However... screw your doctor for saying that. I can't stand doctors with bad bedside manner who say completely uncalled for smurf. Thankfully, neither doctor I've had has made any such comments, because you can bet your ass I'd say something very rude. haha