Porn addiction.

And no this isn't about me so   on you lol

I have a very close friend and her SO who both are having issues due to him having a porn addiction. He admits it's an addiction and needs help, and wants help to save their relationship. She has issues with it stemming from a past relationship where traumatic incidences occurred due to the use of pornography by the person she was seeing, to the point she was raped in manners of ways he'd seen in the pornography he'd watched. At the beginning of their relationship her and her SO discussed the problems in the past and he agreed that pornography wouldn't be present in their relationship because of how it'd hurt her in the past.

Now for the last months since her son has been born, he's been watching it at work, and now at home, even while she's just readying the baby for bed. Their sex life isn't very high, because he doesn't want to have sex often, yet he is continually watching pornography.

They're currently looking for some sort of counseling for him, to help with his admitted addiction, but since this has just hit a breaking point, that's still in the beginning phases. They can't get rid of the internet at home because she's in school. It was suggested on his phone to set up a content blocker possibly to block the adult content to remove the temptation.

If you're going to say "It's just porn, it's not cheating" please don't bother with that, we're looking for genuine help or suggestions for them, because the situation at hand it is just as bad of a problem as cheating and is ruining their relationship. They want to do all they can to save their relationship and family. So if you have been through this or have any valuable suggestions, she'd love to hear.

Thank you very much in advance.

Content blocker on computers, phone and tv would be a good start with her only knowing the password. However, that isnt a fix to the problem. Have they tried looking up counseling for it?

Are they religious?

he shouldn't be looking at it at work, wth is wrong with him, he definitely needs counseling. I'm sorry she's going through this and hope they get this situated soon so they can become a stronger couple.

Quoting LittleTiger:" Content blocker on computers, phone and tv would be a good start with her only knowing the password. However, that isnt a fix to the problem. Have they tried looking up counseling for it?"

I think she is going to look into the content blocker. Right now she has his passwords and can see all he googles even while at work.. They're looking into counselling now. This all just came to a head last night, so she's spending today/tomorrow trying to find that.

Quoting lolajessup:" Are they religious?"

I don't know if he is. She isn't majorly. She would consider herself Christian as far as I know, but doesn't go to a church or anything at this point I don't think.

Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" I think she is going to look into the content blocker. Right now she has his passwords and can see ... [snip!] ... looking into counselling now. This all just came to a head last night, so she's spending today/tomorrow trying to find that."

Many companies have software to monitor what people do on the computers. They can even tap into a computer and see what is on the screen that very moment. That should scare the smurf out of him.

Quoting LittleTiger:" Many companies have software to monitor what people do on the computers. They can even tap into a computer and see what is on the screen that very moment. That should scare the smurf out of him."

Do you know of any specific ones she could search for? I know there's basically "net nannies" out there but never really known what to look for.

<blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" I don't know if he is. She isn't majorly. She would consider herself Christian as far as I know, but doesn't go to a church or anything at this point I don't think."</blockquote>

Well a lot of my advice is Christian based. So I guess she can take It or leave it.

This is a website that my SO was referred to by a friend. I've never been on it but maybe theres something that can help both of them. http://www.xxxchurch.com/

We also read the book "healing your marriage when trust is broken" by Cindy beall. It helped me cope with my feelings about SOs porn addiction and it helped him realize what a porn addiction can lead to. It can be vicious and get waaay out of control fast.

They also should get him into COunseling and couples counseling because him watching it at work is a huge problem. And it affecting their sex life is also a big problem.

My view on it was that it is a form of cheating. When you're getting off to other girls on a computer and neglecting your own wife, that's not ok. SO gets that now. Weve had many many convos about it since it did hurt me a lot.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" I don't know if he is. She isn't ... [snip!] ... and neglecting your own wife, that's not ok. SO gets that now. Weve had many many convos about it since it did hurt me a lot."

I'll be sure to pass this on to her thank you very much! And yes to her she feels it's a form of cheating too, so that's in common.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" I'll be sure to pass this on to her thank you very much! And yes to her she feels it's a form of cheating too, so that's in common.  "</blockquote>


Yeah it's hard but if he's really working to get help it'll get easier with time.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" I'll be sure to pass this on ... [snip!] ... so that's in common.  "</blockquote> Yeah it's hard but if he's really working to get help it'll get easier with time."

I hope they can work it out too.

coming from someone with a major in psych working on a doctorate...If he has a porn addiction...a blocker on his electronics is NOT going to correct the problem - and no offense but neither is a website with information on porn addiction or a book.

He needs cognitive therapy - and eventually they will need couples therapy - but until he gets his "sickness" (and it is a classifiable illness) none of the other things will matter at all. JMO

Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" Do you know of any specific ones she could search for? I know there's basically "net nannies" out there but never really known what to look for."

She should be able to contact her ISP who should be able to block certain sites coming though the servers to their IP address. I have had to ruin many a teenage life when their parents have called to block facebook.

Quoting Destiel:" She should be able to contact her ISP who should be able to block certain sites coming though the servers ... [snip!] ... the servers to their IP address. I have had to ruin many a teenage life when their parents have called to block facebook."

Thanks   She's Australian too so it's good to know for a fact since you work for them that she can do that. I'll let her know!