I just wish I could forget

I have my moments where I'm okay and can hold myself together but then something triggers me and I fall apart.
all I want to do is forget, so bad that I actually considered taking the leftover vicodin I have left. I just don't want to hear about all of the babies being born in my family and how happy everyone is and hate myself because I couldn't enjoy my baby. I don't like feeling this way. all I want to do is forget. but I can't...

I've been following your posts, I am sorry you had to go through all of this. It's coming up to what my due date would have been four years ago if I hadn't aborted so I imagine our feelings are pretty similar. It's taken me a long time but it does get better, I bet you have heard that before but it's true. I still have my bad days but just like you should I just think of the child I have now and treasure them. Hugs!

It takes time mama <3 I promise you. I know how you feel. But I promise you, with time everything will be better than it is now.

stay strong pretty..... I was 17 when I faced the decision you did, and I still think about it sometimes, but if you aren't ready, then you aren't. you did what was best for you, and eventually it will stop hurting. Blessed Be

i used to have days like this frequently at the beginning (just after the abortion). but now, two years later, those moments are farther between. i'll never forget, i'll never truly forgive myself, i'll always wonder "what if..", but i also know that time helps. even if it doesn't completely heal, it does help. at least, for me. i hope the same for you.

Quoting MommaNoodle:" i used to have days like this frequently at the beginning (just after the abortion). but now, two years ... [snip!] ... but i also know that time helps. even if it doesn't completely heal, it does help. at least, for me. i hope the same for you. "

This is true, I know how you are feeling (after my last one I became obsessed with having my memory erased like in the film "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind") but the moments like that are gradually becoming further apart.

Hugs. Take care of yourself xxxxx

Thank you. Its just so hard. I can't talk about it with anyone I love because I'm ashamed. And every time I hear anyone mention babies, strollers, crib, baby showers, anything baby related I break down. it feels like a stab in the chest. it feels exactly like when you get your heart broken for the first time. You can't eat, you don't want to get out of bed, you don't wanna talk, and every time someone mentions them it makes your heart stop and takes your breath away.

this is the only place I feel safe to talk about it. the only place I don't feel judged. I just wish this would pass. I wish I hadn't been selfish, or if I could have been stronger because I knew deep down this wasn't what k wanted. if only I could just rewind time a little bit. Just enough to take it back

Quoting pretty 'n' pink:" Thank you. Its just so hard. I can't talk about it with anyone I love because I'm ashamed. And every ... [snip!] ... because I knew deep down this wasn't what k wanted. if only I could just rewind time a little bit. Just enough to take it back"

You werent selfish. You shouldnt be ashamed. If you need to talk to someone in real life, tell someone that you trust with all of your heart and know they wont judge you.

you weren't selfish! if you were selfish you would have done what you wanted to do but you made the hard choice instead; you did it for your son, stay strong for him x x x