Need advice ASAP

My DH and I have two sons together a 1 year old and a almost 3 month old. I also have a 5 year old DD from a previous relationship. DD and I lived with my mom on and off until my DD was a little over 4. We haven't lived with her since. But every time I got to my mom's my DD screams and cries to stay the night. And it just keeps getting worse. Tonight she started screaming like someone was trying to kill her when we made her get in the car and made the baby cry and she threw up she was throwing such a fit. IDK what to do with her anymore. She acts out at home all the time and won't listen to anyone. She lies all the time about everything. She fights us on every possible thing. And since he father started keeping her for over nights he takes he to do something every time he has her like to a movie or roller skating and now she whines to stay with him to. I am to depressed to deal with this. I feel like my daughter hates me because I can't spoil her the way everyone else does. I try to spend time with her. I even let her pick out a movie last weekend and painted our toe nails while dh watched the boys but it doesn't help. I have went through a lot and given up a lot for my DD. More than most mom's will every have to. But IDK if I can handle all this anymore. I am starting to resent her. I need advice. Please. And if you are going to be a bitch go smurf yourself I feel like smurf enough already. And if you don't understand something or have a question just ask. TIA

Is there a possibility that she can spend a few nights a week with your mom? And she may throw a fit or 2 but she is your daughter and she just doesn't quite understand yet that it can't always be going out to a movie and roller skating. Her dad can do that stuff with her and you can be the calm stay at home parent.

Quoting Brandi Milam:" Is there a possibility that she can spend a few nights a week with your mom? And she may throw a fit ... [snip!] ... be going out to a movie and roller skating. Her dad can do that stuff with her and you can be the calm stay at home parent."

She is in school and we live far enough away that it is a pain in the ass to have to come and go from there multiple times a week. And even if she does stay for a couple nights she will still throw the same fit about wanting to stay when it is time to come home.

Hugs mama.
It sounds like she's craving security from things that are familiar and to be in a place where she gets more undivided attention.
I think it's 2 separate issues. You need to take responsibility for your feelings and resentment, get emotional and psychological support to work through those issues and depression so you can see things more clearly and in a healthy way so you can move forward. That help could also aid you in seeing your daughters POV and needs so that you could work with them rather than misunderstanding and resenting her even more.

Secondly i think spending time alone with her as you have been is a good idea. Does she have a nice routine at home? are there things you can add to her day to make her feel that she has an important role in the family? Can you ask her what is wrong, and what she would like, aswel as what she likes about being at the other places? with little kids it isn't usually about being spoilt in the way you'd perceive a greedy adult, it's more the feeling of happiness or security that gifts and outing give them that they are really craving rather than just the gift for the sake of it, iykwim? She is too young to differentiate, but you can and you can use that to stop viewing her negatively and to work on what would help you both at home.
Another good thing to try if you don't already is to set a calendar with the dates marked of where she'll be and talk it through. Also every bedtime or another time during the day that you can be alone with her, initiate a conversation about her favorite things and her worst things of the day so far. It helps to open communication, gives you insight into her problems, makes it easier to discipline and creates a time that could be a secure part of a routine.

Kids going between homes can enjoy being at both places so much they get confused and want to be at the other place when there. It's possible that when she's at her dads she will talk about being back with you. It's hard for them to understand having the security of 2 homes and she's still young.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Do you think she could be acting out because of the new baby and now your attention has to be divided 3 ways?  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mama*AtoZ:</b>" Hugs mama. It sounds like she's craving security from things that are familiar and to be in a place where ... [snip!] ... will talk about being back with you. It's hard for them to understand having the security of 2 homes and she's still young. "</blockquote>




Vws

In that case, I wish you the best of luck. You just have to try your best to shw her that you love her even if you can't do the things daddy does or things she gets to do at grandmas.