Pre teen girls

If you had a pre teen (12) who threatened to punch her 6 year old brother in the face, how would you discipline them?

I've had a lot of issues lately, with SD saying we treat her differently than her brother. So I put her in timeout because that's what I would have done with her brother. She wasn't sitting still. She was humming, wiggling, playing with her bracelets, so I corrected her and move her to a chair. Did not raise my voice once. And of course because she's a teenager she got very upset and ran upstairs. So I told her she could either come downstairs and finish her time out or she would have more repercussions. She told me first, time outs are hard (yelled It at me) then told me it wasn't even a timeout (uh ok) and then that she hadnt even done anything wrong. I kept my emotions and frustrations completely in check, and told her she was losing her phone and iPod for the night.

It just drives me bananas. Teenagers are hard.

at 12, they would have either been going to bed early, or have something taken away like some sort of privilege (watching tv, computer use, phone)

I think teenagers are past the "timeout" thing, she needs something taken away, such as a tv or computer, or whatever she does for fun, maybe don't allow her to talk on the phone with friends? Or give her an extra chore to do.

Have you asked her what you and your DH do to make her feel as though you value her brother more than her?
I assume she's not acting out for no reason at all, and it could be just a simple misunderstanding, but she's obviously very frustrated by something to do with her brother. I think the best thing to do would be to sit down and have a deep heart to heart with her and try to come up with a resolution. You'd be surprised how much a day dedicated to just her occasionally will help.

She just came downstairs and apologized. Guess losing her phone and iPod did it...

I would take her phone away. I have a 13 year old sister and she has a terrible attitude and the only way she does anything she is asked is if her phone gets taken away. That being said it depends how often she uses her phone because much sister is on hers constantly and it might be less effective if she isn't always using it.

Quoting ×ø×K·ßear×ø×:" at 12, they would have either been going to bed early, or have something taken away like some sort of privilege (watching tv, computer use, phone) "

This.

It's a good age to start groundings where laptops/phone/tv is taken away.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Vodka Knockers:</b>" Have you asked her what you and your DH do to make her feel as though you value her brother more than ... [snip!] ... with her and try to come up with a resolution. You'd be surprised how much a day dedicated to just her occasionally will help."</blockquote>



We've been doing that. I think she's just trying to find her place in our families, there's been a lot of changes the last year. But I also think hormones play a part

i dont think timeouts at that age would have any affect.. like for younger kids they hate it as for an older child they can just do it get it over with and be done and over with it soon enough.least with something being taken away itll get the point across better

<blockquote><b>Quoting ×ø×K·ßear×ø×:</b>" i dont think timeouts at that age would have any affect.. like for younger kids they hate it as for an ... [snip!] ... it over with and be done and over with it soon enough.least with something being taken away itll get the point across better "</blockquote>




For her it was like torture. But she never did time outs when she was little. Definitely sticking to grounding her from her phone/iPod from now on though. Much more affective.

Quoting Cheeks mom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Vodka Knockers:</b>" Have you asked her what you and your DH ... [snip!] ... trying to find her place in our families, there's been a lot of changes the last year. But I also think hormones play a part"

In that case, I say just try to be understanding. I'd personally try to do more one on one activities, or just activities that make her feel needed. But I would also let her know that it's not okay to communicate threats like that and if she ever feels upset, she should come and speak to you about it so you two can get it resolved.
Change is really hard for children her age.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Vodka Knockers:</b>" In that case, I say just try to be understanding. I'd personally try to do more one on one activities, ... [snip!] ... upset, she should come and speak to you about it so you two can get it resolved. Change is really hard for children her age."</blockquote>




Yeah she's been through a LOT in her life. And it's hard to find a good balance between being understanding and then letting her get away with stuff.... I feel like it went pretty well tonight though. I didn't let myself get angry and she knows I'm here still and calm if she wants to talk tonight

Quoting Cheeks mom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Vodka Knockers:</b>" In that case, I say just try to be understanding. ... [snip!] ... pretty well tonight though. I didn't let myself get angry and she knows I'm here still and calm if she wants to talk tonight"

Completely understand, and I also know it can be very frustrating to deal with pre-teen or teenage girls. Just keep it up and keep trying, she'll eventually adjust and be more comfortable with the situation.
Maybe you could see if the two of you could catch a movie she's been wanting to see together, just the two of you. Or go window shopping and surprise her with something small like a pair of earrings or a necklace. I'm sure this jealousy she has going on will calm down.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Vodka Knockers:</b>" Completely understand, and I also know it can be very frustrating to deal with pre-teen or teenage girls. ... [snip!] ... her with something small like a pair of earrings or a necklace. I'm sure this jealousy she has going on will calm down."</blockquote>




I've been trying to find a concert we can go to together, I think it would be super fun and really special for both of us, you know?

Quoting Cheeks mom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Vodka Knockers:</b>" Completely understand, and I also know ... [snip!] ... been trying to find a concert we can go to together, I think it would be super fun and really special for both of us, you know?"

Yeah, a concert would be excellent. I would have loved it if my mom took me to concerts around that age, definitely a good bonding experience.