re: same money mo' problems

<blockquote><b>Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:</b>" No, I am with him so he won't leave his son. I asked him how he could look at our son and tell him that ... [snip!] ... Jayson loves him so much that I just could not be the reason that they don't have a relationship - even if it's not my fault."</blockquote>




wow hes already told you that if you leave him he'll turn your son against you? Wow way to be mentally abusive ... seems the type that would prob call CPS with false claims to

Quoting Destiel:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:</b>" No, I am with him so he won't leave ... [snip!] ... turn your son against you? Wow way to be mentally abusive ... seems the type that would prob call CPS with false claims to"

I don't think he's capable of calling CPS on me, especially for no reason. He's just verrrrry sensitive and stubborn with a bad track record of people hurting him. IDK maybe I'm just defending him, but I think he deserves to be in Jayson's life and Jayson deserves him, so that leaves me taking one for the team for now.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I don't think he's capable of calling CPS on me, especially for no reason. He's just verrrrry sensitive ... [snip!] ... him, but I think he deserves to be in Jayson's life and Jayson deserves him, so that leaves me taking one for the team for now."

Taking one for the team is only going to go so far until you can't take anymore.

And how is that fair to your son? He's going to grow up living with parents who aren't really in love anyway.

Let him go to Kentucky AND... take his butt to court and see how much $ you get from him then. He can't take your son from you.

Staying in your place, because it's not your money? jeez. You shouldn't have to feel like that. You are a family unit. It is your money & your sons money just as much as it is his. I don't know how if I could live like that. My SO & I aren't married and I still handle all finances as the SAHM. He also grew up the same way your SO did, so he know's if he was in control of it, he'd most likely waste it away.

Honestly, I'd be saying to him that a new car can wait. If he doesn't want to provide for his family, I'd show him the door. HIS money doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere anyway.

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" Staying in your place, because it's not your money? jeez. You shouldn't have to feel like that. You are ... [snip!] ... If he doesn't want to provide for his family, I'd show him the door. HIS money doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere anyway."

I tried to show him the door. He would have left the state. I can deal with the finances somehow. I'm in school, I can take out extra student loans. Also, like I said, as belittling as it may be my dad doesn't mind helping out because he knows I'm bettering myself for the long run. That part is fine. It's the part where my son loses his father for reasons that are beyond his control. You may think he doesn't need a father like that in his life anyway, but he's actually a really good dad.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I tried to show him the door. He would have left the state. I can deal with the finances somehow. I'm ... [snip!] ... beyond his control. You may think he doesn't need a father like that in his life anyway, but he's actually a really good dad."

if he really is "such a good dad" then he will make time and put forth the effort to continue his relationship with his son whether you and him are together or not. And if he doesnt then he's not the father you think he is.

Quoting *mommy to 3*:" if he really is "such a good dad" then he will make time and put forth the effort to continue his relationship ... [snip!] ... relationship with his son whether you and him are together or not. And if he doesnt then he's not the father you think he is."

I guess. He's just been betrayed a lot in his past that I think he thinks that's what I am doing to him, when really...I think we just grew apart.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I tried to show him the door. He would have left the state. I can deal with the finances somehow. I'm ... [snip!] ... beyond his control. You may think he doesn't need a father like that in his life anyway, but he's actually a really good dad."

I don't think it's belittling to need help from you dad if he's willing to be that stepping stone for you. That's great. Oh I know kids need their dad, but if he left why would he need to leave the state? It seems like he's trying to guilt trip you and if he doesn't see his son, that's HIS fault... if he would choose to walk out of his son's life just because you didn't want to be with him. That is not something you should feel guilty for.

Quoting *mommy to 3*:" if he really is "such a good dad" then he will make time and put forth the effort to continue his relationship ... [snip!] ... relationship with his son whether you and him are together or not. And if he doesnt then he's not the father you think he is."

 

This is what I was wanted to say, but didn't know how.

Quoting Ryloonjimama:"   This is what I was wanted to say, but didn't know how."

Completely. If he decides that them not being together means he cant be a good dad then that is totally not her burden to carry. After 5 years she has tried more than most of us would have...

Of course I know it's not my fault, but HE thinks that by me making the decision to break up, I'm making the decision for him to leave. If he left, he would go to Kentucky. He would go there because that's where his sister lives. Where he grew up - the place that gave him that wonderful mindset about money - is an awful place that he doesn't need to go back to. Not to mention, he would not have my son overnight there. I guess he thinks going there would be the better option than growing up, being a man, and getting his own place. (I already looked for rooms to rent as an in between place for him but didn't get a chance to show him)

He is more of an "all or nothing" guy. He is an extremist. No gray areas. Eventually I will have had enough of being in a relationship that I'm not invested in, but I'm not strong enough right now to deal with him leaving the state and my son.

Quoting *mommy to 3*:" Completely. If he decides that them not being together means he cant be a good dad then that is totally not her burden to carry. After 5 years she has tried more than most of us would have..."

This whole thread just screams out that he's mentally abusive & controlling... it's so sad.

OP, it's seems like you keep making excuses for the way he is based on his past betrayals, but there is NO excuse whatsoever for the way he is treating you.  

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" Of course I know it's not my fault, but HE thinks that by me making the decision to break up, I'm making ... [snip!] ... in a relationship that I'm not invested in, but I'm not strong enough right now to deal with him leaving the state and my son."

I hope you can work something out to where you are going to be happy too, and not just stuck... because your happiness is truly just as important as your childs, because he needs to see you modelling happy & healthy, ya know?

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" I hope you can work something out to where you are going to be happy too, and not just stuck... because ... [snip!] ... your happiness is truly just as important as your childs, because he needs to see you modelling happy & healthy, ya know?"

I know. That's exactly what I am though, stuck. I'm looking for a job right now for the days I'm not in school and I think that will help with my confidence. I need to be a little more independent and capable before I can stand up for myself and make those things a reality.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I know. That's exactly what I am though, stuck. I'm looking for a job right now for the days I'm not ... [snip!] ... I need to be a little more independent and capable before I can stand up for myself and make those things a reality."

You only are stuck of you CHOOSE to be stuck!!!

Grow a sack and tell him to move on! You deserve so much better!!!!