If you have divorced

What was the breaking point? How long had you been together? Were there times you were still happy to a certain point but you divorced?

We were together 6 years, married 2 and the breaking point was he was sexting my 14year old cousin  
I kicked his ass out and never looked back.

I got married at 18 and divorced at 21. We had been together since I was 15.

He had turned into a completely different person after we got married. Quitting every job he got because he just didn't feel like working. Started treating me like smurf, it did get to a point there were no happy times, at least for me. One day I just had enough and said its over I'm done.

Quoting Jenna+1:" We were together 6 years, married 2 and the breaking point was he was sexting my 14year old cousin   I kicked his ass out and never looked back."

  Yeaaah, that would of been a deal breaker..

Process of divorce right now. My ex was irresponsible, not motivated, and just not the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Our relationship was unhealthy and I just got tired of the dysfunction. We were together for 5 years, married for 3.

Quoting Jenna+1:" We were together 6 years, married 2 and the breaking point was he was sexting my 14year old cousin   I kicked his ass out and never looked back."

holy smurf. that would be an easy one.

<blockquote><b>Quoting amor♥:</b>" What was the breaking point? How long had you been together? Were there times you were still happy to a certain point but you divorced?"</blockquote>




A lot if factors my main one was I was compromising my happiness for his.

Can I be nosy & ask for even a vague what's going on. I think any time there is an unhealthy relationship, you should try to get help/counseling first then go from there. I've been close to calling quits, but I wanted to be able to say I tried everything... Consider what's best for you, your spouse, & your kids.

For the record, love you & let me know if I can do anything... I can keep the girls for a date night or something.

Quoting Tabitha+4:" Can I be nosy & ask for even a vague what's going on. I think any time there is an unhealthy relationship, ... [snip!] ... your kids. For the record, love you & let me know if I can do anything... I can keep the girls for a date night or something."

Well, I was about to post this in its own thing...But Ill put it here....I dont know that I want that counseling on my record. Because if I ever want to cross train or something like that...I know they go through your record & the military is smurfing corrupt lol I dont want to go through MH or a chaplin   Cassandra told me about one person to go to, but thats yet another thing on my list of smurf to do...To find someone, then be able to have the time to go talk to them. Im so overwhelmed.

Im so mentally smurfed right now....
Marriage problems, career problems, etc etc. I just want to craw in a smurfing hole.

Im on the verge of just wanting a smurfing divorce, Im so sick and tired of Troy and the way he acts. I just shut the internet off yesterday because Ive been telling him if he doesnt spend more time with the girls when hes home with them or keeping the house up I was going to...Well recently, Ive come home to jelly on the carpets, smurf on the carpets, perm marker on the walls, my make up all smurfed up, oil all over our bedroom. Daily he says that the girls (a 2 year old and a 7 month old) need him so much that he just doesnt have time. I call bull smurf. He has the time but is too worried about other smurf. So, I cut that off.
This morning I noticed my tooth brush missing. He let her get into that along with my make up.
I think about this smurf as Im typing and it seems like little smurf. A lot of it is, but then again it has more to do with him respecting my smurf. He doesnt care and doesnt care to change smurf it seems. We just had a talk a few weeks ago and things are already back to where they were. We came up with a list of things that had to be cleaned before bed. The first few days it was cool, after that, smurf started going back. When I bring these things up, he mentions me a lot telling me "well you could help, or you could do this or that". Yes, I could but Im smurfing exhausted by the end of the day. So, I have to work, then come home and help you clean - which you had the time to do, all day - . Where is the me time?
We barely have sex. & when we do....Im so tired or already irritated that I just dont want to.
I make lists for him to do and he forgets. I ask him what happens to things and even though he is home all smurfing day, he doesnt know.
He seems extremely un motivated to do much and is not sure on his future. Thats one of the things we talked about. He got pissed when I called him out on being 28 and not having a plan. He came up with all this mumbo jumbo as to why he doesnt. Another excuse.
I dont even know why Im typing this. Maybe I just feel hopeless. Maybe I want someone to read it. I almost dont want to though, cause it all seems so petty and small. The thing is that a lot of smurf is small. But its all the smurfing time. I cant tell you the last time Ive looked forward to coming home. When I do he is focused on other smurf. His ipod, the computer, the gym - then work for a while 4 hours.
I just want to want to be around my husband. I want him to want to be around me. I want him to have motivation and a plan. I want him to keep the smurfing house up and stop being on other smurf so much, while he is at home. If he cant, Id rather be at home taking care of smurf, rather than working all day then having all this smurf to do once I come home.
I work, I budget, I cook sometimes, I clean sometimes, I make appointments, I make all the calls, I try to make it to the appointments when I can get outta work.
Whats he do? A part time job- 2nd one in 5 years. Only had this one since Oct. Last one was less than 6 months. Takes care of the girls during the day, yet smurf is so smurfed up when I get home some days, I dont know how much he does that. Plays on his ipod, the computer, goes to the gym. Nothing else that is majorly substancial or that I couldnt do without him.
Yet, I can be so pissed off at him, but like last night he came home for the bed. He came up to the room and I didnt want to fight. I would have rather he just left me alone, but I enjoyed the good mood, so I just tried to enjoy that. & I did a bit...But smurf like that confuses me. Why does he piss me off so smurfing much yet I want that 5 sec of his time. I dont get it. But Im tired of waiting for him to be the husband I want him to be. I dont know that he ever will be. I dont know that he ever was, or that I had many expectations when I waas younger.
I dont want to be in the military. Id much rather be a sahm. Or a part time worker and sahm. Right now, thats not possible. Hes said before that he doesnt want me to be one. But Id even settle for a career that I enjoy. But I cant just get out of the military. If I do and I have nothing else to fall back on, then what? My girls have a smurffy ass life? & I cant rely on him – well, I don’t trust him to find the drive to support us…..

I'm on my phone right now & want to write so much. I'll say a few short things & respond later when I'm at home on my computer.

First, they are smaller things but those are things that still matter. Second, I'm pretty sure most married people have had similar issues. Third, counseling is not a bad thing & it doesn't always go on your record. Idk the rules but I'd make sure to exhaust all your options. You DO need to be happy, but I know I personally am giving my marriage more time before I do call it quits. I want to be able to tell my kids that I tried EVERYTHING before I left their daddy. Sometimes, that means putting up w/ some (a lot) of crap. You'd hate to regret it too. There are some "dealbreakers" where you should never look back (like the chick above who had the sicko sexting 14 yr olds). You just have to make the happiest, healthiest environment for you & your girls.

Sometimes, it does feel hopeless & I am sorry for that.   I hope things look better soon. I'd look into individual counseling for you & him as well as marriage.

I agree 100% with Tabitha, Heather. And I can COMPLETELY relate to how you feel. Working nights totally smurfs me up and 3 kids is exhausting. It's hard times sometimes especially when the house is a wreck when you get home. There was a good period of time where it felt like Matt was just my roommate... there was no husband and wife relationship. I was also in a point of feeling hopeless... however, I don't think a divorce would make it easier. My best advice is to hang in there and try to see what he DOES do. 1) He keeps the kids alive and safe (although thats obvious sometimes it is the most important thing you forget). 2) At least he IS working out so he's not letting himself go. 3) Remember he needs his "me" time too... 4) At least he is working part time... although you are the bread winner he is still making an effort.

I know I'm defending him but this was the battle I had to argue with myself when I come home and food is left out from 3 FREAKING days ago, because that was the last time I was in the kitchen. Maybe put your makeup up? Or don't allow the kids in your bathroom?

Quoting LRX:" I agree 100% with Tabitha, Heather. And I can COMPLETELY relate to how you feel. Working nights totally ... [snip!] ... ago, because that was the last time I was in the kitchen. Maybe put your makeup up? Or don't allow the kids in your bathroom? "

I do this & have locked the door even. I put it up in the cabinet....

But he will go up for something and end up leaving it open to access  

I do try to think of the positive things..And thats I think why I feel positive at times...But Im so confused lol

Quoting amor♥:" I do this & have locked the door even. I put it up in the cabinet.... But he will go up for ... [snip!] ... to access   I do try to think of the positive things..And thats I think why I feel positive at times...But Im so confused lol"

I'm sorry... and I think it's good to look at your possibilities and reevaluate the situation you guys are in. Is he willing to try and make a change? I know my husband is tough to change too... I've tried to set rules like "clean up the kitchen every night before you go to bed" and that will last a few days before he gets slack. Would he ever join the military? Tell him if he wants to stay home he needs to do housework too... it's part of the duty.

Quoting LRX:" I'm sorry... and I think it's good to look at your possibilities and reevaluate the situation you guys ... [snip!] ... Would he ever join the military? Tell him if he wants to stay home he needs to do housework too... it's part of the duty."

He says he is...But things change a lot for a day - most at a week or so...Then things always go back to the same thing.
He said he wouldnt go back in.  
When we PCS, the girls are going to daycare. He can either work during the day or not - thats his choice..But Im not letting them(him let them?) smurf things up constantly.

I think it's a common battle between the stay at home parent & working parent. My friends say their husbands will often point out the house not being perfect. I "lucked out" (sarcasm) by getting the nastiest guy who doesn't care about the house. He says I keep it too perfect & it's okay if it gets dirty with 3 kids lol. He only says that because I keep up after all 4 of us, & he can't even keep his stuff picked up so I get all bugged at him.