posting alot today

This is going to be sort of long so please bare with me!
me and my husband got together 11/2011 before he got with me he was with another girl (obviously, lol) well two months into our relationship, she out of nowhere texts him and tells him she is pregnant and she THINKS its him but she doesn't know for sure.

-here's the story on the girl, she has three kids now, two of which CPS took from her because of her addiction(not my business). All by different guys. She slept with a few guys around the time, so who is to know who the father is.

now all of the sudden CPS is trying to take her newest child, well her sister sees me one day at the hospital and was like "joe has to contact CPS and take a DNA test to see if savannah is his. There are a few who have taken it but they werent the father, so he has to go take a DNA test"...blah blah blah..and so on. well me and DH talked about it and he said that we cannot afford another baby right now, which is true. He said that if it is his child then he is going to sign rhis rights away because he doesnt want anything to do with the girl because she is a drug addict...now dont get me wrong, i think that we could try our hardest to make another baby work, but right now it's hard with one. I understand his reasoning to a point but at the same time if it turns out that she is his DD then how can he just not care, as a mom, that would hurt me even though it's another womans baby. but he refuses to go to CPS first because he'd rather not find out right now, which i clearly understand..

I don't know if i explained this well..im horrible at this when I'm all jumbled up.
ugh. i just wish he had my thoughts so he could understand why i don't want him to sign all his rights away..child support payments would suck, but WHAT IF IT HIS DAUGHTER? i would feel horrible just watching him sign over all his rights.\ to her..anyway, we don't know if she is his yet, but it still is in my thoughts..ugh...what should i do? should i try to convince him otherwise or stand by his decision?

what would you do if this was a situation with you and your SO or DH?
seriously post on this, i need help.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kyleigh'sMommy12:</b>" This is going to be sort of long so please bare with me! me and my husband got together 11/2011 before ... [snip!] ... by his decision? what would you do if this was a situation with you and your SO or DH? seriously post on this, i need help."</blockquote>




Would you and your husband take in the child and look after it as your own? Maybe you can get full custody.

What if it is his daughter. That is your child's sister. What if she got abused by some foster parent?

IMO I would want to know.

Also, I would get a sti check. That girl sounds dirty.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Onalee's Mummy:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Kyleigh'sMommy12:</b>" This is going to be sort of long so please ... [snip!] ... if she got abused by some foster parent? IMO I would want to know. Also, I would get a sti check. That girl sounds dirty."</blockquote>



I agree with this 100%

Quoting Kyleigh'sMommy12:" This is going to be sort of long so please bare with me! me and my husband got together 11/2011 before ... [snip!] ... by his decision? what would you do if this was a situation with you and your SO or DH? seriously post on this, i need help."

I would respect his decision. If he doesn't want anything to do with the child, he shouldn't be forced into it. As bad as that sounds, it's true. *If* the child is his and he finds out, he might change his mind and want to be a part of his/her life. He could be assuming he's not the father because he doesn't want to be. I'm just thinking out loud here so I'm very sorry if some of this doesn't make sense  

I would encourage him to find out and if he's his I would encourage him to get her and you Guys could raise her as your own. That's sad and scary that he coil turn his back on his own child like that(if she is his)

Quoting Onalee's Mummy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Kyleigh'sMommy12:</b>" This is going to be sort of long so please ... [snip!] ... if she got abused by some foster parent? IMO I would want to know. Also, I would get a sti check. That girl sounds dirty."

Yup 100%.
Plus if he is so quick to sign his rights over then what kind of a father does that make him
PLEASE do not take that the wrong way! That could seem mean but I'm not trying to be a bitch. I would alwys wonder if that girl is okay and what about your child, what if they get older and wonder why you guys didn't do more to protect their sister.
Idk I'm sick and tired so I'm probably not wording this well either lol.

I would talk to him about getting full custody!it honestly breaks my heart to hear these type of stories. 

Quoting Kyleigh'sMommy12:" This is going to be sort of long so please bare with me! me and my husband got together 11/2011 before ... [snip!] ... by his decision? what would you do if this was a situation with you and your SO or DH? seriously post on this, i need help."

If I was him I would want to know if it was my child or not and I'm probably going to sound like a bitch here but if it is his child he needs to step up and take care of it whether he wants to or not. I'm not sure how he could know it's his child and NOT care, especially when the mother is an addict.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting TracyLynne!:</b>" Yup 100%. Plus if he is so quick to sign his rights over then what kind of a father does that make ... [snip!] ... why you guys didn't do more to protect their sister. Idk I'm sick and tired so I'm probably not wording this well either lol."</blockquote>




I agree  

Op it is such a huge what if to have hang over your head.

If it was me I would insist. I love my child and would love a child who shared half of her DNA.

Quoting TracyLynne!:" Yup 100%. Plus if he is so quick to sign his rights over then what kind of a father does that make ... [snip!] ... why you guys didn't do more to protect their sister. Idk I'm sick and tired so I'm probably not wording this well either lol."

it does scare me.he doesnt understand, me being a mother, and to hear that he would jsut sign her over, HURTS and it kinda kills me...just that he would do that if it was his daugther..if i could take her i would...but its ultimately his choice, so im stuck 

From the sounds of it the child may be better off being adopted. I know several children that were adopted and they ended up in much better situations. If she is his then it is his choice. Remember men don't feel the same way as we do about children. My daughter's father just recently took an interest in her and she will be 6 months old on Monday. If he doesn't want to do it I wouldn't push the issue because she could get adopted by a family that will be taught how to care for the special needs that she will have from being born addicted to drugs. Also if you already have a baby adding one that is addicted to drugs will make it very difficult (I have spent a lot of time caring for drug addicted babies) they are very needy and your child you already have would not get the attention they deserve. If he wants to let the baby go into the system let her be adopted that is my personal opinion.