autism plus rules/discipline

So, I thought I had my parenting style all sorted out, but realizing some things about my daughter makes things I normally would have done/wouldn't have done a little difficult.

1. For an autistic three year old, what do you do for discipline? Or IS there discipline? She doesn't fully understand directions/instructions, so telling if I tell her "Don't get up, it's bedtime" and she gets up ten minutes later, it' kind of unfair to get mad at her for it. What type of methods do you use? Just continuous redirection?

2. As far as general "rules" (not really rules, but I can't think of the appropriate word)... For example, normally when I make food it's "Eat what I gave you. If you don't want it, you'll eat it when you're hungry. If you're stubborn and throw it in the trash, it's just gone." But, I can't really do that with her. Like, earlier she wanted pizza. I made pasta. So she was crying and asking for/signing pizza. I gave her a plate of pasta and she dumped it out on the floor. She'll just sit and scream/cry. She won't eat something else just because she's hungry. So, would you just get her pizza instead even though that's not the "mealtime rule"? (That's what I did).

I mean, they can't be totally exempt from all rules and discipline. So where/how do you kinda draw your lines?

*Watching*

My son hasn't been diagnosed yet but he acts the same way about things. I'm totally lost on how to treat him sometimes.

*watching*

My son hasn't been diagnosed but the doctors I have seen suggest he's on the aspergers side of the autism spectrum and sometimes, especially mealtimes I just want to rip my hair out

Quoting LumpySpacePrincess:" *watching* My son hasn't been diagnosed but the doctors I have seen suggest he's on the aspergers side of the autism spectrum and sometimes, especially mealtimes I just want to rip my hair out"

Our docs have said the same thing. He's been in 4 different therapies and had so many tests done. We've even been referred to a developmental pediatrician and still haven't got any answers.

Quoting Rista Kat:" Our docs have said the same thing. He's been in 4 different therapies and had so many tests done. We've even been referred to a developmental pediatrician and still haven't got any answers."

I still haven't heard from the pediatrician and it's driving me nuts! It gets harder and harder to handle him as more "ruls" he makes come up and it's gotten to the point where we stay at home most days cos god knows what rules he has for going out now

Quoting LumpySpacePrincess:" I still haven't heard from the pediatrician and it's driving me nuts! It gets harder and harder to handle ... [snip!] ... he makes come up and it's gotten to the point where we stay at home most days cos god knows what rules he has for going out now"

I feel your pain.

Going ANYWHERE requires certain shoes, a certain truck (that we can never find), getting in the car seat himself - which takes at least 10 minutes, cannot have the air on in the car, ect.

But he's worse at home. He's soooo particular it's unbelievable.

Quoting Rista Kat:" I feel your pain. Going ANYWHERE requires certain shoes, a certain truck (that we can never find), ... [snip!] ... at least 10 minutes, cannot have the air on in the car, ect. But he's worse at home. He's soooo particular it's unbelievable."

I know your pain! Certain clothes, certain toys HAVE to come, we are not allowed to have any other carseat than HIS carseat - once my mum still had my neice and nephews carseats in the car, they are the same age range so LO could fit in there. He packed a MASSIVE fit, we had no idea what was going on he was screaming the whole street could hear it. Then I ran inside, grabbed his carseat and suddenly he's fine. Like, wtf it's just a carseat. But to him, it's REALLY important. But more and more things pop up and I have to try and figure them out with NO help from doctors or anything

Quoting LumpySpacePrincess:" I know your pain! Certain clothes, certain toys HAVE to come, we are not allowed to have any other carseat ... [snip!] ... REALLY important. But more and more things pop up and I have to try and figure them out with NO help from doctors or anything"

I'm in the same boat as you. His therapies helped him overcome a lot, but then he just attached to new "rules". I really have no idea how to deal with it. I'm thinking about looking into some support groups or something - but I feel stupid walking in there when my child isn't even diagnosed yet. Some mothers are really judgmental about that stuff.

Quoting Rista Kat:" I'm in the same boat as you. His therapies helped him overcome a lot, but then he just attached to new ... [snip!] ... but I feel stupid walking in there when my child isn't even diagnosed yet. Some mothers are really judgmental about that stuff."

Yeah that's why I haven't even bothered to look for support groups until I can actually get my son diagnosed. But it's such a struggle and I haven't heard anything for months now!

Quoting LumpySpacePrincess:" Yeah that's why I haven't even bothered to look for support groups until I can actually get my son diagnosed. But it's such a struggle and I haven't heard anything for months now!"

Luckily it's only been months for you. It's been over a year for me. I don't necessarily want a diagnosis, more of an understanding of why he's so different.

I wish you the best of luck. If you ever want to vent or talk you can PM me.  


Sorry OP for not answering your questions!

Quoting Rista Kat:" Luckily it's only been months for you. It's been over a year for me. I don't necessarily want a diagnosis, ... [snip!] ... I wish you the best of luck. If you ever want to vent or talk you can PM me.   Sorry OP for not answering your questions!"

Thanks!

And yes, sorry OP!

Though I find at meal times, my LO wants food he can pick up himself and when he can see exactly what's in it. SO pastas with sauces and such are out. Maybe try that? Or get her to help cook the meal?

My son is 5 but developmentally around 3 1/2-4. About a year ago he was doing the throw things on the floor he didnt want to get the things he did. When I brought this up to his therapists and tutors they had me offer 2 choices for meals. Now, we only had one child at the time so we didnt have to factor in the message it was sending older/younger children. But we'd offer the meal everyone was having or a sandwich. That way he felt like he was in control. Thats a HUGE thing with autism, they feel they lose control or dont have it. That worked great and eventually he started asking for the meal we were having, now we're at the point I dont have to offer a choice.

As far as discipline I had to find something that gets the message across the best. For us its time out. He hates it! We tried continuous redirection, taking toys away but the mention of a time out in his room he dislikes. We give a warning and that usually takes care of it.

Quoting Sarah Bare-ah♡:" My son is 5 but developmentally around 3 1/2-4. About a year ago he was doing the throw things on the ... [snip!] ... taking toys away but the mention of a time out in his room he dislikes. We give a warning and that usually takes care of it."

Oh, I like the choices idea! She's just starting to be able to express what she wants when offered a two options, so that might work.

I have two typical kids first then my son non-verbal with autism. We do the ABA 30 hours a week, and like you I thought I had my parenting skills honed (and I did, but not for a kid with ASD). They teach redirection and ignoring attention seeking negative behavior. If she hits or bites or throws a toy across the room and you even have an inkling that she did it for your reaction or attention then you ignore, hand over hand clean up (unless child is rewarded by cleaning,lol) and then redirect. I was the time out queen before, but after being relentlessly consistent I realised he was getting what my other two got.Always give her praise when she does the smallest things right, from putting trash in the bin, or making eye contact. As for the food we may be different because my kid wasn't eating at all, so we had a food team come and we had to let him eat whatever we would because he was starving. Now that he eats again I have slowly been weeding out the crap food and offering healthier options, he doesn't eat it no biggie, but the next meal I try and cater to him. I think the two choices would be an excellent idea -mine just started making choices through picture exchange, so we aren't quite there yet in terms of meals, just snacks. But your daughter should be expected to sit at the table with the rest of the family even if she refuses to eat.-this sucks and takes a long time,lol Good luck.

Quoting mama3trish:" I have two typical kids first then my son non-verbal with autism. We do the ABA 30 hours a week, and ... [snip!] ... to sit at the table with the rest of the family even if she refuses to eat.-this sucks and takes a long time,lol Good luck."

Thank you!

I think the biggest thing is that with her it's not really attention seeking behavior. She throws fits (flopping on the floor and scream/crying) but I think it's more of the simple fact that she's frustrated at not being able to get what she wants and not really understanding why. Most of her reactions--- to anything, not just negative reactions--- are more for her own benefit than anyone else's.

So, I guess it'd be mainly redirection in her case.

I'm definitely going to try the two choices for meals though.