re: Am I a bad person? :(

Quoting Brendan&Bethany'sMom:" I would do it but not if my husband wasan't on board. Your family is your priority... it should be anyway. ... [snip!] ... of open and honest discussions with your husband. Is he completely 100% against it or does he seem like he could be convinced? "

I think my son would resent us bringing her into our home. I think my husband would be completely overwhelmed with the things she does with my mom and aunt. I think I'm going to seek out counseling from my pastor about it.   I cry over it. My heart is so torn. I know we would be a lot better for her, but I don't know about for us in the long run if we can't control her. My mom is afraid cps will take her due to her screaming for hours in an apartment building. I heard it while on the phone with her last night. My mom said it sounds like someone is torturing her when they aren't. She was in therapy before moving to Arizona. She has already had a bumpy life.   Sorry I feel like a disappointment to everyone. . I appreciate everyone's input. (I wanted to add she turned 5 in November. I forgot how old she was.)

Quoting L♥vey:" I think my son would resent us bringing her into our home. I think my husband would be completely overwhelmed ... [snip!] ... to everyone. . I appreciate everyone's input. (I wanted to add she turned 5 in November. I forgot how old she was.)"

Your son is 3. I doubt he will resent her. He is of an accepting age. Plus, it is not like you are replacing him. If you think he will resent her, he will do the same to a new baby. Same difference at this age.

Even at 5 she is still moldable (she is a very young 5). She is screaming because she needs stability, love, structure and a life that she hasn't been given. Her father died while she was young. Yes, she has had a bumpy life. Imagine what it must be like to be shuffled and not have a place to call home. It isn't really a matter of "control" so to speak. It is really a matter of her knowing that she is going to be safe and understood. In her short years she has experienced so much. I can imagine that her gramma isn't one to provide the discipline and structure that she needs at this point. She is likely compensating because of the loss of her son. In turn, this little girl is litterally screaming for a normal life. All kids crave structure and routine.

CPS will not take her for simply screaming. That is not something she needs to worry about. Where in AZ is she? Phoenix (you said she is 4hrs away)?

Do speak with your pastor. Like I said before. It takes a special person to be able to love a child as their own that isn't especially one that has needs.

Quoting Not tellin:" First off, she is 4. She is of the age where she is crying for love. She is still very moldable. She ... [snip!] ... has the ability to look at a child that isn't biologically theirs and treat them as they are. Either you have it or you don't. "

Get out of my brain you.

Exactly this. ^^^^

Quoting L♥vey:" I think my son would resent us bringing her into our home. I think my husband would be completely overwhelmed ... [snip!] ... to everyone. . I appreciate everyone's input. (I wanted to add she turned 5 in November. I forgot how old she was.)"

I don't think he would resent her. I think it would be the same as introducing any other new sibling. There's a period of adjustment with any big change. I mean would you not have any other children because you're afraid of how your son would act?

If you accept her and love her, your son will too. Just like he would love any other children you have. I won't lie, the adjustment period when a new kid or baby is introduced to the house is hard work, but it's worth it.

Quoting justanothamotha:" Get out of my brain you. Exactly this. ^^^^"

lol

Quoting Not tellin:" Your son is 3. I doubt he will resent her. He is of an accepting age. Plus, it is not like you are ... [snip!] ... Like I said before. It takes a special person to be able to love a child as their own that isn't especially one that has needs."

Tis why I <3 you, you ALWAYS give the best advice/tips/info

OP, everything Not tellin is saying, is awesome advice! Good Luck.

Quoting MyPurrrtyBabies:" Tis why I <3 you, you ALWAYS give the best advice/tips/info OP, everything Not tellin is saying, is awesome advice! Good Luck."

Ah shucks. Thanks

I don't think you're a bad person.

Personally, if I was financially able to, I would take the girl in a heart beat. Fostering/adopting (even if it's your own blood) isn't for everyone though.

As someone who has raised a child that was not my own, I know how hard it is, mentally emotionally it's very hard. My nephew whom I had at the age of 2 until he was 8, he is biologically my husband's nephew, I had him before DH and I were together, I was only 15 at the time but this boy had no one else, his mom is a drug addict, he's the youngest of 6 all of whom were removed from SIL`s custody either by the state or their father. My nephew had a LOT of issues, and it was very hard at times. But if I had a choice to go back in time, I wouldn't have done a thing differently other than get legal custody before she took him back and lost him to the state because her stupid boyfriend theme a tv and almost hit my nephew with it. we were going to take him back but at the time a lot was going on and he is now adopted by my husband's mom and stepdad, and he is safe, happy and loved.
What I'm trying to say in all this babble, is I wouldn't take back any of it. He was loved, protected, and always had food to eat, we taught him a lot in the time we had him and I believe that's why he was able to tell his teacher when things went bad with his mom. We always told him to tell someone if he was afraid and he did.
He is now 13, and he loves his uncle and I very much for being there for him, yes he had some bad habits my son picked up on and yes it pit some struggle on our marriage. But every child deserves to feel loved, wanted and safe. She's only 4, and like u said it would be a lot better on everyone the younger she is if/when you get her.... He was my "first born" I wouldn't trade the time with him for anything. if u ever want to talk or ask me anything feel free, we went through a lot in those 6 years but it was worth every second.

I just want to add that I don't think your a bad person at all. It's a very hard decision to make and in the end you have to consider what's best for not only the child in question but your family as well. But I just want you to know, nothing made me feel better than giving that boy a place to call home where he felt safe and loved. Good luck hun!

Quoting Not tellin:" First off, she is 4. She is of the age where she is crying for love. She is still very moldable. She ... [snip!] ... has the ability to look at a child that isn't biologically theirs and treat them as they are. Either you have it or you don't. "

very well said!

Thanks Jessi!

i dont think your a bad person for considering whats best for your family and its easy for me to say because im not actually in the situation but i would take her. It sounds like she needs someone who can give her a better life and if anything went wrong i would forever feel responsible like i could have done something to prevent it.