We talked.

Some of yall might notice that I'm going nuts without Tony. This breakup is smurfing KILLING me.

Killing me.

We met up to talk tonight though. I lent Tony money and he paid me back today. We were okay, and then I broke down. I told him... I'm smurfing hurting.

In short, he wants me to open up. He doesnt want me to hold my pain inside. He then said he needs to figure himself out for awhile... he cant tell me he will be there in the end but he can't say no either. He wants me to better myself and he says that I have but "Im still holding on." I said "Of course Im holding on.... you are my best friend, the love of my life, I will not give that up without a fight." I told him I love him with all of my smurfing heart and it hurts to not have my best friend there. I said "Tony, to be told I might have smurfing cancer and not have you there, it hurts. I just want my best friend." We went to a bar that we used to always go to and the girl said "You guys havent been here in ages!!!" It hurt.

So I said in the car while holding him "I just want to know Im an option, to know that maybe we can work this smurf out. To know that we can give it our all after working out these demons." He said "Jenn Im always going to love you and that wont change. We have been together 5 years.... 5 years... thats a long time. You will always be more than an option." I just held him.... clinging on and crying... I didnt want to let go. I refuse to believe this is it. He wants me to let go some, just be ourselves and separate for a bit, but he said he cant tell what the future holds. I just want us to work... I said "I think if you gave us a chance and listened you might be surprised at what happens." He just left it at wanting me to open up and see where things happen. I just want to be more than option... I wrote him a letter saying he was my first and will be my last. I dont mean the first at sex.... he was my first at love, at SO many experiences in life. I would do anything to have us together and actually TRY. I told him I dont think he gave me a chance after the last one... he threw me aside.

So I dont know. I feel so comforted in his arms and thats all I need.... I need his arms and love. We are better than this. We can get through this if he lets us. If he needs to think... Ill let him and hope it brings us together.

I was holding him in the car crying... not wanting to let go. I told him in a letter I wrote that I miss coming home and not taking off my hoodie because it smells like him. I miss him. SO. Smurfing. Much. His son too.

On new years I tried to kiss him and he pulled away a moment and I said "Tony stop... its midnight, we are best friends, just kiss me" and he did.

Tonight I gave him a hug and pulled him in for a kiss and he didnt pull away. So at least that happened... I just wish for him to pull me in and kiss me.

I was angry at the things he did in the past but at the same time... I know we are better and we have been better, he's the love of my life.... thats why I hold on.

But the waiting sucks!!!  

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. I know that feeling and wouldn't wish it on anybody, not even the woman who's the reason I know that feeling.


I hope everything works out for you.<3
If you ever need someone to vent to who's been there, feel free to PM me.

what ended the relationship? I couldn't imagine the pain you're going through, I hope things work out for the best for the two of you.

That's so sad   Daniel is all I've got family wise now (until the baby is born) I don't know what I'd do without him. I hope everything works out in the end for you 2 I'd hate to even try to imagine the pain you're feeling <3

So sorry that you are hurting so bad. I really hope things work out for the best for you guys.

*hugs*

I burst into tears halfway through this   I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I've only been with SO for 2 years but he is my best friend too. I couldn't imagine losing him. I hope you & Tony work things out. Maybe he just needs a little space for now.

Quoting Mrs.O!:" what ended the relationship? I couldn't imagine the pain you're going through, I hope things work out for the best for the two of you."

Honestly? Nothing big. We broke up for a couple weeks because he thought I was cheating. He put a tracer thing on my phone to see my texts and saw I never did anything to betray him.

His roomie moved in and things went to smurf. I like his friend but he drove a huge wedge between us. It hurts because we were doing fine then his friend came around.

Argh.

We have gone through a LOT. More than most. I just dont think I can give up... we have too much invested to give up now.

Quoting ~The Lunar Flower~:" I burst into tears halfway through this   I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I've only ... [snip!] ... best friend too. I couldn't imagine losing him. I hope you & Tony work things out. Maybe he just needs a little space for now."

I hope thats it. Im always crying lately... Tony and I have known each other since I was 15.... Im 29 now. We have been on and off since right after I turned 20, officially for 5 years. He can look at me and know what Im thinking. Those people dont come by everyday. Hes the love of my life, my best friend in the world... I just cant give up yet. Not yet.

<blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" I hope thats it. Im always crying lately... Tony and I have known each other since I was 15.... Im 29 ... [snip!] ... Those people dont come by everyday. Hes the love of my life, my best friend in the world... I just cant give up yet. Not yet."</blockquote>

You've put too much time into the relationship to let it go now. Goodluck with everything  

I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time  
I was Tony in my and SO's situation kinda...I broke up with him and broke his heart. We've been off and on for 6 years, best friends, firsts. This thread gave me an insight to how he was feeling when we were apart and it brought me to tears. We're back together now and I hope you guys get back together soon.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. :-(

Quoting Up In Smoke Signals:" I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time   I was Tony in my and SO's situation kinda...I broke ... [snip!] ... was feeling when we were apart and it brought me to tears. We're back together now and I hope you guys get back together soon. "

Yeah.... it truly sucks. I know that he knows Im hurting though... I've made that clear lol. I hope we get back together.... seriously friends say we are like "Ross and Rachel," who the hell else would we be with if not with each other????