re: Hyper sexual behavior

Someone could be teaching your son this. I know no one ever wants to think about there kids having this done to them, but i wouldn't rule it out until you know for a fact.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Safka9973:</b>" We had discussed inpatient previously. But therapy has seemed to help so much. He is a very troubled ... [snip!] ... his teachers know about what happened, as do his bus drivers (one who reported a behavior) and they are keeping an eye on him."</blockquote>





So you think he'll be wrecked?

An inpatient facility is the perfect place to be so. At least there would be therapists to comfort AND confront him effectively during the first few days.

Your son needs aggressive help. The way things are going, it's not a matter of IF he will molest your daughters ( or somebody else's child), it's WHEN. I read about the incident on his bus, and the lack of respect he has for you and females in general. He has no reason not to hurt your girls and you can't watch them all the time.

And there are other children out there that don't have any way to protect themselves. Are you really willing to risk your little girls' welfare over this?

I've never been in your shoes and can't possibly know how I'd cope but I DO know this: when they grow up, your daughters will know that you could have saved them from being molested ( and they will be if nothing gets done) and they will loathe you for not stepping up to.

Please, please protect your baby girls.

Why is he seeing a female therapist anyway? Of course he won't tell her smurf, he didn't even tell the truth about the bus-incident until your SO spoke to him!

You made a point to bring up his lack of respect for you and women in general in that post, did you not mention that he needs a MALE therapist for anyone to get anywhere with him???

<blockquote><b>Quoting thisunrest:</b>" Why is he seeing a female therapist anyway? Of course he won't tell her smurf, he didn't even tell the ... [snip!] ... and women in general in that post, did you not mention that he needs a MALE therapist for anyone to get anywhere with him???"</blockquote>




He had a male therapist and was completely unable to connect with him. He is very comfortable with his current therapist, he just doesn't like to talk about emotions or his problems with anyone.
As I had said before, inpatient is not an option. And having us in his eyes abandon him would be very detrimental to him.

He will never hurt my girls again. Never. My husband and I have everything we need to prevent this behavior from occurring.
My concerns are that I do not just merely want to prevent the behavior, I want him to choose not to do these behaviors and to understand the implication of his actions.

People can spend years in therapy and never see a positive change. Therapists really aren't the end all. In some cases they can be helpful. My sons therapist is quite a bit of help in getting him to turn more inward and consider his thoughts and actions when he has extreme difficulty with impulse control.


I believe therapist are there to help, not to perform miracles. My husband and I along with our circle of friends and family I feel are more able to provide the support and guidance he needs.

After all the talking we hav done in our family about this problem, my daughters are really standing up for themselves and unwilling to accept any wrongdoing from their brother. They too are hyper vigilant and there is no way they would ever let him get away with anything. Very outspoken girls who have a very open relationship with my husband and I and tell us literally EVERYTHING. They keep no secrets. Of course this will change as they age, but we've got a big family which makes it hard to keep secrets. And then we have all our safety mechanisms in place.

As for the bus incident, there had been no other incidents like that since that occurred. He wasn't the one who told us about it. Two of his friends told their parents, and the parents told my husband and I. When we confronted him, he got really quiet, avoided eye contact but told u the whole story.

I don't remember mentioning a lack of respect for women or myself. Of course the troubles he has vary from day to day. In general he has a lack of respect for everyone. This is a problem he has as school. Won't respect others space, privacy, feelings. As for my husband and him, he never talks with DH about anything of substance. DH says he tries to talk with him and he just shuts down. Sometimes he says its very evident that he makes up lies or stories that would be pleasing to DH to change direction of conversation.

When I talk with him about his troubles he gets very mumbly, but on his own comes forward and admits what he did that was wrong. But when he is talking about anything of depth he avoids eye contact. As soon as the discussion regains positivity he gains confidence, is able to talk about solutions, future consequences for wrong doings and how to prevent the behavior.

But the impulse control. It's like what everyone says goes in one ear and out the other. He makes very very slow steps forward. It takes him longer than most. But he is advancing. He knows right an wrong. Though the improvements in his behavior have slowed down since the BM began visitation, he is still moving forward.

Sorry this is so long.

But my son is not a psychology project. He needs extra love and affection which he would never receive in an institution. If he were "abandoned" again, he would be destroyed. He is a loving, helpful, intelligent young man who was handed a pile of smurf for life and that is not his fault. I don't blame him for any of this.

And my girls- their safety is my top priority. Probably one of the reasons I don't sleep so well at night.

Quoting Safka9973:" <blockquote><b>Quoting thisunrest:</b>" Why is he seeing a female therapist anyway? ... [snip!] ... for any of this. And my girls- their safety is my top priority. Probably one of the reasons I don't sleep so well at night."

You are a smurfing saint considering this child biologically isn't even yours and he hurt your girls. Keep doing what you're doing. Best of luck too all of you.

Quoting thisunrest:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Safka9973:</b>" We had discussed inpatient previously. But therapy ... [snip!] ... they will be if nothing gets done) and they will loathe you for not stepping up to. Please, please protect your baby girls."