frustrated with my son

I guess this is gonna be kinda long but need to get it of my chest.I have an 11yr old son.Well he got home from school about 3 hrs ago and told me he had been in abit of a scuffle at school think he only told me as he knew the school was going to phone me. Anyway he got into a scuffle after another child had kicked him between his legs so he grabbed this child and threw him on to the floor this child has ended up with grazes over his face and arms and legs.My son went and told a teacher what happened and was told to go and say sorry which he went to do, by then another teacher was attending to the other child so told my son to go away which he did but i guess he was kind of peeved of as when another teacher called to him he told her to f**k off(i'm really annoyed about that).
Iguess i just don't know what to do with him.At the moment he is in his room and grounded for the weekend.I just feel really disappointed with him.I have spoken to him several times about him losing him temper and swearing at people.
I've spoken to him about the damage he can cause to people through his violence and how it is not right to be disrespectful to his teachers.At home he is very respectful and uses his manners all the time but outside of the home he is a different child.Before you ask he doesn't see violence in the home me and my partner don't fight we have are arguments like most couples but that is it.
Although before i met my partner i was a single parent with my son for several years and we didn't live in the best of areas so i did teach him to stick up for himself but we have now been living away from there for the past 3 years he is in a very good area and attends a very good school.
I guess i just don't want him to grow up into one of these unruley children who have no respect for authority. does any body have any ideas or advice

just recieved call from my sons headmaster they want a meeting on monday mornin. I swear i'm so angry right now

Wait so this kid started it? I would say then your boy was defending himself.... Granted the cussing at a teacher is bad but i would only punnish for that. A similat thing happend to my brother hes 13- a boy grabbed his shoulder and kicked him between the legs-- BUT he got introuble for shoving the kid-- cause the teacher only SAW him. Granted my bro was pissed that he was the one getting scolded when he was defending himself( the schools policy is tell the teacher later-- which doesnt help if some one is kicking you ass lol) anyway he had a huge attitude with the teacher for gettin on him (which is totally understandable) my parents gave him a LONG talk about being disreapectful to teacher -- but that was it because in the other he wasnt in the wrong-

Quoting James' Mommy:“ Wait so this kid started it? I would say then your boy was defending himself.... Granted the cussing ... [snip!] ... gave him a LONG talk about being disreapectful to teacher -- but that was it because in the other he wasnt in the wrong-”

yeah the other kid hit him first but the other child is also younger than my son and i think because he come of worst that is half the problem also because my son has been in trouble in the last month for fighting. i've told him several times just to walk away as he is the one who ends up in trouble,but he also can do alot of damage i have had it where he has blacked kids eyes.To be honest if that was some kid doing that to my child i would be peeved i just want him to control his temper because he can

Oh yeah that is deff something that needs to be talked about my little brother has a BIT of a temper--- I would say then the weekend grounding is a good idea and increase by a day or two if it keeps up - if you are trying to instill the self restraint in him

thats the sad thing i know he can restrain himself as he has done it in the past.as for the swearing i have told him we all get mad and sometimes want to swear at people but sometimes it's best to say it in your head rather than out loud.

I wouldnt punish him for defending himself. Really, I wouldnt. Punish him for swearing at the teacher, but not for fighting back. What is he supposed to do? Let the other kids beat the crap out of him?

Quoting red_dragon_girl_69:“ I wouldnt punish him for defending himself. Really, I wouldnt. Punish him for swearing at the teacher, ... [snip!] ... for swearing at the teacher, but not for fighting back. What is he supposed to do? Let the other kids beat the crap out of him?”

i guess i'm not punishing him for hitting back but have to remember this child is younger and it's not the first time he has lashed out at school.i have a meeting with his head on monday and i have the feeling that they are going to expell him which at the end of the day will be on his school record then. i guess i'm frustrated with him as he can be the most loving kid and so polite yet he gets in school and can't control himself.he needs to realise we live in a society were kids are killing kids and i don't want that to happen to him.who's to say the next kid he smacks hasn't got a 14/15yr old older brother who decides he's gonna teach my son a lesson.i have always taught my son to stick up for himself but even he has admitted this child didn't even hit him that hard.all he had to do was walk away and go see a teacher but he didn't and then swore once he was told to stop.guess i will find out tomorrow what happens