1 Month...Vent

Welp, I survived a LONG & DIFFICULT month since I had my little girl. It's crazy how something can really make you feel like your not living your life in a way...Like everything feels like a dream n she took so much of me with her. Honestly, I can't even enjoy other ppls happiness on their little ones bcuz I'm not happy for me. I mean who would be after facing something like that. I feel like apart of me has died on the 12th of last month n I can't even be happy for my little sister who's having a little girl of her own all bcuz we were pregnant together. I feel cheated out experiencing having my own daughter, my first one at that. My Dr. said it's okay to feel like this but I feel such a bad person bcuz I'm her big sister n I can't even physically take seeing my sister at all.

Ugh. I have so much anger balled up inside me rather than being upset or sad. I put dents in my wall, I've broken smurf n it doesn't make me feel no better. Like...Like there's a hole in me...I feel like I'm lying down and my world crushing my back, yet I'm still holding on fighting. I can't even sleep, I've been up for the past week pulling all nighters or just not sleeping at all. I've made it past the "Why me?" phase, now it's like I just got my back cornered with no space to move. I don't even know why I'm crying.

Any ways...R.I.H. Baby Girl
Laila B.

Quoting Angel Wings:" Welp, I survived a LONG & DIFFICULT month since I had my little girl. It's crazy how something can ... [snip!] ... I just got my back cornered with no space to move. I don't even know why I'm crying. Any ways...R.I.H. Baby Girl Laila B."

I'm so sorry for your loss. My little sister went through something similar a few months back. My older sister and she were pregnant together, she had a miscarriage and it definitely took her some time to get through her resentment. My older sister has 3 children and this would have been my little sisters first.

I asked how she was feeling about it all a few weeks back and she said "better, I'm just giving time some more time". I think that's all that really ever helps. Hugs <3

Quoting Your friendly n00berhood :" I'm so sorry for your loss. My little sister went through something similar a few months back. My older ... [snip!] ... weeks back and she said "better, I'm just giving time some more time". I think that's all that really ever helps. Hugs <3"

I have a son but I guess since we were expecting the same, I rather not see her because it'll remind me too much of my lost and I feel like that's a bad mind set to have when this is her first baby. It's like I'm surrounded with friends who are having babies and most are having girls and I can't be happy for them. I get mad at myself like there's something wrong with my body since I can't go full term, just at the half way mark. It takes away from waiting to try again when I only want two kids. I slowly feel like giving up hope that I can have another baby and this eats at my mind. This isn't the first time I've lost a baby (lost one in 2010 @12wks) but I've grown a connection with her. Unlike my son, I've felt her move a lot and I delievered her on my own in the hospital w/o no drs. or nurses present.

Quoting Angel Wings:" I have a son but I guess since we were expecting the same, I rather not see her because it'll remind ... [snip!] ... with her. Unlike my son, I've felt her move a lot and I delievered her on my own in the hospital w/o no drs. or nurses present."

I can't even articulate how sorry I am. I know this will only help with part of the pain, but can you speak with your sister and let her know how you're feeling and that you still love her and wish the best but it's too painful to be around right now?

You should definitely just focus on yourself right now, if others can't understand that then thats on them. You need time to process this and grieve your loss.

Quoting Your friendly n00berhood :" I can't even articulate how sorry I am. I know this will only help with part of the pain, but can you ... [snip!] ... on yourself right now, if others can't understand that then thats on them. You need time to process this and grieve your loss."

I can try but she constantly talks about my niece, sorta feels like a smack in the face. So I usually end up hanging up on her but I will try to talk to her. Hopely, she's understanding.