I used to work with kids in a after school rec program. Those with ADD/ADHD, Aspergers, and other sorts of behavioral problems got the same punishments if they were rude, disrespectful, hit, etc...

There's this kid at my son's daycare, he's about 4. I'm not sure what's his deal. But I do know he is pretty active, hyper, highly emotional, and sometimes violent. This morning at 7am he was already throwing a fit about something, he wanted to play with a toy that was being played with by another kid. He was in all out tantrum mode. He threw a hot wheels at the other kid! Luckily, he missed. And the other kid isn't a big crier so he was just sitting minding his own business. I can only imagine if a Hot Wheels hit a kid, that would have hurt so bad. The teacher was speaking to him in a kind voice to go sit in timeout, but this kid would not budge. Of course the teacher will not forcibly remove the weapons (Hot Wheels) nor move the child to the time out spot. The kid got his way, didn't give up the toys and didn't get a time out, while the other one forgot about it. It should not be this teacher's place to discipline this child, it should be the parents. This teacher did all she could do, at least no one got hurt. But this teacher can't make this kid go into punishment if he doesn't want to, she will not drag him into time out. I don't think the parents do much in teaching this kid at home. How do you discipline a special needs child? Do you even do it? I'm not trying to be insensitive here I really want to know.

Growing up my mom's best friend had a child my age, but the poor kid had everything wrong with him. He had a spinal deformity, so he never got taller than 3 ft, and was in a wheel chair, plus even at age 16 (he passed away) had the mental age of 7. But I remember when he would mouth off to his mom or whatever, she would still tell him to knock it off, he was being disrespectful, if not he will have computer/tv whatnot taken away from him. What do you think?

Every child that is competent enough to know their own actions needs discipline. There are different challenges to disciplining a special needs child, but unless they have severe behavioral issues and don't understand what they're doing, they still need healthy boundaries. Do they need discipline in the same sense that kids without those disorders do? No, not at all. That is part of the challenge that comes with a special needs child. The parents have to work with their childrens' doctors and therapists to determine what is an emotionally healthy way to teach them what behaviors are acceptable.

I think any disciplining done has to be adjusted for the special need. Discipline doesn't work if the child doesn't understand it. But you just can't NOT discipline a child, no matter if SN Or not. That does the child a huge disservice.

Tldr all of it. Yes they do need it just like anyone else but it will be different than what typical children get. As far as talking about the parents not punishing- it's not your place to say whether they do or not. Until you know exactly what's going on dint say crap about the pArents

I watched a girl with autism and her mother enforced the same punishments and rules her 2 other sisters had. No hitting, no biting, and all of that and she would be disciplined the same.

Quoting Buzz and Almond Joys momm:" Tldr all of it. Yes they do need it just like anyone else but it will be different than what typical ... [snip!] ... it's not your place to say whether they do or not. Until you know exactly what's going on dint say crap about the pArents"

Same here. Haha. I was just giving the general opinion. I didn't even know she was talking about someone else's kid...oh geez.

If they understand right from wrong for the behavior they are showing then yes. It varies child to child. My brother, for example, is high functions (Aspergers) and he does understand right from wrong so there were certain behaviors that he did get in trouble for. A child who is on the lower end of the Autism Spectrum may not understand their actions and behaviors are wrong so it's going to be different.

ETA - lol Forgot to put part about school! It is very hard for a teacher to discipline children when they don't listen to I think by her defusing the situation she did what was best. Were she to pick him up and move him and him fight her and something happen like hime fall and hurt himself she may be in trouble. I think when a child with special needs is in a rage the best thing you can do is defuse the situation. My brother use to lose it and we would just have to get him away from whoever he was fighting and let him got off and cry and get his emotions under control. A lot of time his tears of anger were aimed at himself even for losing it like that.

I work in a Preschool Intervention Program so it's actually what I do for a living. I work with kids who are 4 and not delayed just severe behavioral problems. What we do is we have one room in the building that is partial hospitalization (behavioral problems) AND Early Intervention. The therapist in that room specializes in working on behaviors with children who are delayed. It is a lot more work but she disciplines in very similar ways.

When I was teaching I used a "consequence menu" instead of a set punishment for infractions. When a kid acted out I could choose a consequence (the menu was posted in the classroom) that I felt was most appropriate for that kid and didn't have to be locked into just one kind of consequence. It was a mainstream classroom (5th grade) but I had lots of special needs kids and kids who just had special needs.

Discipline means teaching and i do believe every child should be taught and given the tools appropriate for them to be the best they can.

Punishment is totally different and is behaviour modification and means ignoring a child's needs and reasons for a behaviour and doing something negative to them to use fear to bring about change. I don't believe any young child should be deliberately punished.

My son has neuro issues and it is especially important to support his emotional development, self awareness and ability to self regulate and interact with others. I (ideally) never punish him as it would prevent true learning from happening, but i teach him everyday how to be behave in the most effective way.

Yeah, there should be discipline and limits set-within reason, for that child. Not all kids can handle the same type of discipline, some kids with special needs don't "get it" when it comes to regular discipline, so things need to be tailored to them.

I mean, at school, it is their job to discipline the kid, or call the parents if that's not working out. Daycare? Um, I dunno. I guess they could just easily say the kid wasn't welcome there anymore.

My oldest son had some problems, mainly due to a speech delay, communicating with other kids and letting people know his limits. So, it'd get to the point where he'd just flip out on another kid, push them, whatever, for teasing him-etc. We still disciplined him for the pushing, even though he didn't start it.

I digress, though. Discipline is important for ALL kids-but there isn't one way that works for everyone.

Quoting Buzz and Almond Joys momm:" Tldr all of it. Yes they do need it just like anyone else but it will be different than what typical ... [snip!] ... it's not your place to say whether they do or not. Until you know exactly what's going on dint say crap about the pArents"

As a matter of fact I do know the parents, thanks for assuming I'm assuming.

Quoting RushLimbaugh:" As a matter of fact I do know the parents, thanks for assuming I'm assuming. "

If you would have said you knew for a fact these parents do nothing but since you said you don't even know what "the deal is" with the child and that you think the parents don't teach it can lead to people thinking you don't know the parents. I mean if you would have said I know the parents and they don't discipline I probably would not have said that.
My reasoning is because every SN child has a disorder that manifests in different ways and requires different approaches. People have looked at my son and told me I need to do more. But really if he is in tantrum mode the only thing that works (situation dependent) is sometimes ignoring it or removing him from the situation. At one point there was nothing- aside from doing a theraputic hold- that would change the situation. So people would see me not do time outs or spankings or ignore him and would assume that that is how it always is.

Quoting Buzz and Almond Joys momm:" If you would have said you knew for a fact these parents do nothing but since you said you don't even ... [snip!] ... situation. So people would see me not do time outs or spankings or ignore him and would assume that that is how it always is."

I only wrote what I wrote about "thinking his parents don't do anything at home" to be sensitive to those parents in here dealing with this situation themselves. Obviously, I'm not there 24/7. But from what I have seen many, many times for the last 2 years, the father is in the picture but more of a traditional guy where he believes it's the mom's sole responsibility to deal with the kid. And mom like me, works a full time job. Like me, she is the one taking the kid and picking him up most of the time. My son is there 10hours a day at the most when my husband can't get off earlier than me to get him. But this kid is there longer than my son. I know both his parents work very hard. While dad is more hands-off, mom really tries to cater to the boy and keep him happy, I guess you could say spoiling him. Whereas the school tries to be fair with all the kids and they don't let him get his way all the time.

No, I don't "know what his deal is," nor is it my business to know. What kind of person would I be if I asked another mom, "Hey what kind of behavior issue does your son have?"  

Quoting RushLimbaugh:" I only wrote what I wrote about "thinking his parents don't do anything at home" to be sensitive to ... [snip!] ... to know. What kind of person would I be if I asked another mom, "Hey what kind of behavior issue does your son have?"  "

Now that makes more sense. Being that he is there longer thank your LO means he probably is not even getting therapies- Just an assumption. Unless that one offers it. Which may mean the family doesn't have a diagnosis since usually the state's Child Find starts special ed services at 3 yrs old. (EI programs- like one lady above said she works for) which usually comes in the form of a developmental pre-k. And if all that were to be true- or even just some of it- you could be very true in saying that this child is not getting forms of discipline.
Im sorry if I came across rude, but without the extra info it came across judgmental- or at least it did to me. You would be surprised as to how much ignorant judgments I have come across about SN parenting.
And you would be surprised how many people ask me about my son's issues, to me I would rather them ask than make false assumptions. But, not every parent is that way.