re: ---

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" That's what he was saying though. ... [snip!] ... yes, it's her fault for his hurt feelings in this instance. That doesn't excuse his behavior, but that was the question asked."

i thought how anniversaries worked is the man got the woman a gift or planned a nice diner and treated the woman good and the woman would want to do things for him bc she felt respected and treated well for all the hard work she does. if my so doesnt make me feel special every once in a while im sure as hell not going to make him feel special

Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" Yeah, he's completely aware. It's been this way for a while. "

If it's been this way for a while... what is delaying the inevitable split? Have you told him that you want out of the marriage and aren't going to be putting forth any effort towards it? So as not take offense to your indifference. Or is this one of those "uspoken, but he should know" type things?

Quoting Jude the Super Kinkster:" <blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" Totally his MO"</blockquote> ... [snip!] ... similar. Bad talks me to his parents so they take my side then when they find out my side from my BIL and SIL, they feel bad."

my so used to do that baddd. he is also a drama queen and after we have had a talk about our arguments or why i acted the way i did the problem or fight ends up in reality being trivial but he would make me out to be this horrible person in the heat of things. his family knows that and that he isnt 100 percent truthful in arguments but they hate me all the same

Quoting Sophie's dairy cow:" i thought how anniversaries worked is the man got the woman a gift or planned a nice diner and treated ... [snip!] ... work she does. if my so doesnt make me feel special every once in a while im sure as hell not going to make him feel special"

Exactly. If there's nothing good between a couple in both directions what is there to celebrate?

Quoting Jeronimo:" If it's been this way for a while... what is delaying the inevitable split? Have you told him that you ... [snip!] ... towards it? So as not take offense to your indifference. Or is this one of those "uspoken, but he should know" type things?"

I think it's mostly the kids, and not really agreeing with divorce in most cases.

I've told him how I feel, but I don't think I've said it quite that bluntly. We've had an abusive/controlling history, and though that's not the case right now, I have a hard time overlooking it and I've told him that.

Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" The depression part or the problems in general? Both have been a while. "

Yeah that sucks, I would give him a ultimatum and say "counseling or seperare/divorce". End of story. Yeah you're married but I wouldn't want to live the rest of my life miserable, especially when there's kids involved. A relationship works both ways, if he refuses to get himself help then there's not much you can do but take it until you break...and then you might not be able to get back to where you guys left off (when you guys were happy). I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope things get better for you and your family.

Also, I have to say depression can be a very powerful thing...but he has to realize that not only is it effecting him but you and the famly as well. Good luck mama!

OK so. I just talked to DH, and he said that if you call 911 the next time your husband threatens to kill himself. It doesn't matter if he refuses transport. They will take him either way. Fair warning though, P.D. will have to get involved with it considering he would be classified as a danger.

OP, if you can't get him in to seek medical help, this might be the only way to get him psychiatric help.

Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" Exactly. If there's nothing good between a couple in both directions what is there to celebrate?"

exactly. i may be sexist here but i always thought a happy wife meant a happy husband. why the eff should all aniversary plans be laid at op's door then bitch about not getting some.

Quoting Sophie's dairy cow:" exactly. i may be sexist here but i always thought a happy wife meant a happy husband. why the eff should all aniversary plans be laid at op's door then bitch about not getting some. "

Yup at least decide together. That's what we do.

Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" I think it's mostly the kids, and not really agreeing with divorce in most cases. I've told him how ... [snip!] ... history, and though that's not the case right now, I have a hard time overlooking it and I've told him that."

I see. Well, maybe its time to be more blunt about it. Just to avoid these types of things and to also well push things along in either direction.

Quoting Drippy Hairymuff:" OK so. I just talked to DH, and he said that if you call 911 the next time your husband threatens to ... [snip!] ... as a danger. OP, if you can't get him in to seek medical help, this might be the only way to get him psychiatric help. "

Thank you <3 I'm definitely going to use that if I can't get something figured out.