Don't know if it's appropriate :(

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this or not.

I'm friends with a girl on facebook who is my ex boyfriend's wife. Yeah, I guess that's weird because he and I are not on good terms and I don't know the girl aside from her being his wife but she spewed some stuff about me on fb about a year ago and it upset me, but I didn't really say anything. Then she messaged me to apologize a couple of months ago and say she was out of line because she's never met me, etc. We talked for about 3 hours that night and she added me because neither of us have many mommy friends and we have a lot in common. Anyway, she's 17 weeks and just posted that she lost the baby and she's really upset and I hurt so bad for her. I want to message her and tell her how sorry I am but with me being almost term I'm afraid talking to me will just upset her more, not to mention we really don't know each other that well. This is her 2nd m/c and her other 3 pregnancies were very high risk and she had all of them before 36 weeks. I just don't know if it would be appropriate to message her. I've never lost a child and I can't even imagine what she must be going through. Do you ladies think hearing condolences from someone with a healthy pregnancy would just upset her?

if you guys talked before and agreed to be friends because you didn't have many people to talk to, she would probably love to hear from you

dont mention your baby though!

Quoting bugs mommy☮:" dont mention your baby though!"

I definitely wouldn't. I feel bad even posting anything as a status now knowing she's lost hers. Ugh   We did agree to be friends and I've been keeping tabs and talking to her asking how she's been feeling through the pregnancy. This is breaking my heart  

Quoting Reise's Mommy:" I definitely wouldn't. I feel bad even posting anything as a status now knowing she's lost hers. Ugh ... [snip!] ... and I've been keeping tabs and talking to her asking how she's been feeling through the pregnancy. This is breaking my heart  "

you can block her from your posts (:

I have wondered the same thing. One of my friends who I talked to for 7 years got married and after a year they found out they were expecting. Then a couple months later I found out I was. We talked alot about it together. Then on my first daughter's 3rd birthday, they had their baby, who was born sleeping. My heart broke for them, but I was afraid to say anything because I was still pregnant and I didn't know if she would hate me or not.

Honestly, if you weren't pregnant, I'd say go for it. With you being pregnant though, I'd just maybe comment on her status. It's less... "in your face", but you can still express your condolences, ya know?

Yup, I have a friend I adore on facebook, and she's been TTC for years and just found out that with her husbands dud dick it's impossible. I hide all my pregnancy stuff from her because we were TTC buddies and we use to bitch about how much we hated seeing that smurf from other people LOL SO I just hide her when I post that stuff.

You should message her and express how badly you feel and let her know if she ever needs someone to talk to you are there for her, it should be fine but yeh common sense no baby talk ;)

Absoloutly. She's probably feeling very alone and hurt right now. I know people's instinct is to pull away and not crowd or whatever but letting her know you are thinking of her can make a big difference.

Quoting Asher's mommy [Expecting :" Honestly, if you weren't pregnant, I'd say go for it. With you being pregnant though, I'd just maybe ... [snip!] ... I'd just maybe comment on her status. It's less... "in your face", but you can still express your condolences, ya know? "

I haven't commented on any of her stuff since we've been friends because her husband is my ex and I don't really want to put myself out there around him because I'm afraid it would be awkward because he hates me. She knows that's why I've never commented on any of her posts and why I message her instead. I just feel like if I don't say anything she'll think I don't care and I do  

I decided to message her and ask if she was okay and tell her I'm here if she needs to talk to anyone. I kept it brief but sincere. She's offline right now. I hope she's okay   She's been posting all day that she's been in a lot of pain and I was worried, but I've been at work and didn't have time to ask her previously if anything was wrong.

Message her but make it short and sweet. I have a friend who was pregnant and due 2 weeks after me (with DD) and she ended up having an ectopic pregnancy. I tried.to be there for her but she basically stopped talking to me until I had my daughter. It hurt her too much to talk to me. Send a message and follow her lead. That's all you can do.

Quoting Andi+Andy=Marley+1:" Message her but make it short and sweet. I have a friend who was pregnant and due 2 weeks after me (with ... [snip!] ... to me until I had my daughter. It hurt her too much to talk to me. Send a message and follow her lead. That's all you can do."

That's what I did. I sent her a short little 2 or 3 line message and waited for her to reply. She's back online now and messaged me a book so maybe she did want someone to talk to...

Now she's talking to me about it and I don't know what to say. Oy. I just keep telling her I'm sorry in different ways  

Quoting Reise's Mommy:" Now she's talking to me about it and I don't know what to say. Oy. I just keep telling her I'm sorry in different ways  "

It's hard to talk to someone about something you've never experienced. I tried to once. Turns out it really helped her just knowing that someone was listening, someone was willing to look at the pictures, hear the details, be that shoulder to cry on... even when I didn't know what to say or how to reply. After a while (like a month or so) I sent her some links to some things on face book where other angle moms make memory boxes and such for free to send to other angle moms. It really helped her capture her cherished memories of her little one. We had only started talking about a month before she lost her baby and we were due around the same day. Never met in person, but she said I'm one of the people that helped her the most. I didn't pretend like her baby never existed and I didn't avoid talking to her or turn my back when she wanted to talk about her baby.