Need Advice Badly....

I do not know how to explain everything without it being so complicated and confusing but Im going to try. I need advice. And to vent. I have a 2 year old daughter and she hasn't seen her dad since last March. He lives in Texas and I moved to Cali in April due to hardships and her dad breaking agreements and court orders and I got fed up. I literally had zero options to stay, unless be homeless, which was not an option for my daughter or myself. (I lost my job because her dad, long story.) I didn't have anyone there, no family or friends, just him so I moved to Cali to stay with family in order to get back on my feet and provide for my daughter. Also, honestly, a needed break from her dad.
A few months ago, he sent me an email telling me to do whatever I wanted. That He was signing over his rights. He then called me a month later asking for me and Hope, our daughter, to move back to Texas so he can see her. However, it wasn't as simple as that. He currently owes over 14,000 in court ordered child support. He wants me to completely clear and cancel what he owes because "it's affecting his credit score" and "then we will talk about how to get Hope and I out there, and how he's going to help." It's yet another agreement he wants.

Part of me feels like agreeing just so my daughter will have her dad, and maybe we can get back on the right track again...But no agreement has EVER worked.
Other part of me screams no. But I feel it will hurt Hope in the long run if I don't agree?! I feel horrible. Sick. I offered to move back to TX but not to cancel the c.s. and he said no. it will not work that way.
What would you do?!? I hate Cali and living here. I do have a job offer in TX and the money to move in a few months, but I could also do that here (I just hate living with family) I am enrolled in school, but this semester is all online so I could work and have time with my daughter. Im stuck on what to do... I don't want money to be the reason why she doesn't know her dad, but he;s not budging. Im so hurt and confused.
Edited to say that we've been back and forth 3 times since she was 3 months old, and it's never worked correctly. I didn't want to leave but depending on him was a bad decision. IF I go now, I'd have to make sure I have everything figured out plus a back up plan for child care. Also, The court order was established her in Cali and I won sole custody of her last September. He had supervised visitation 2x a month but we changed that in mediation so he could see her more often. It only lasted a few months. Then he stopped seeing her for a month, then I moved.

IMO it sounds like he's being wishy washy. If you want to move back, then do it on YOUR terms not his. He can still see his daughter and pay CS.

I would stay in California. Family help is better than the most likely no help from her dad. If he wants to see her he should come visit her in California. I would not cancel his cs debt.

It sounds like you are working hard to get your feet under you. I know it sounds good to try and have him with you, but has he mad any kind of advance to come see you and her? You have tried and it hasn't worked and you have even done that repeatedly. I'd say give yourself a shot, get a place that you like there and see how well you do and your daughter feels. Maybe in time you can work out a visiting set up or even considering moving back to TX but maybe not to close. He should have thought about child support when his daughter came into the picture weather you didn't know you were going to break up or not..

Uh he's just using you sweetie. He wants you to cancel the child support so he can do other things but I wouldn't let him do that to me. I would tell him to F off and believe me your daughter is WAY better off where you are now. Moving back and forth then probably back to cali again is not good for her. He needs to get his crap together first, pay off child support and truly want to be a dad before you do all this moving. He's a lost cause.

it seems like he is playing on your emotions
i would lay money on it that when you got there and forgot about the cs he would loose interest in everything again

i would stay put and work your life out , and to be honest its not good for your baby to be going back and forth , she needs a stable life

goodluck

Quoting March 2013:" It sounds like you are working hard to get your feet under you. I know it sounds good to try and have ... [snip!] ... thought about child support when his daughter came into the picture weather you didn't know you were going to break up or not.."

See that's the thing. We aren't planning on being together. He's engaged and I wouldn't want to be with him. He's changed so much, Its strictly about our daughter. And Nope, he hasn't tried to see her or talk to her on the phone. Ive sent pics and he cussed me out for it. I feel as if I am being used to clear up and fix his credit score? I don't know if that's true but it feels that way. I offered to pay his plane ticket to see Hope around her 2nd bday in Nov and her refused. He wont talk to me (or her) until I clear and dismiss the child support.
I am trying to hard to get back on track and get my own place, I am almost there. But I hate Cali, like honestly, But a lot of it has to do living with my hectic family. So moving sounded awesome.And no feeling guilty for her not having her dad sounded great. I always feel guilty..

I would stay where you are and not drop the child support or get him out of what he owes. He is just saying that stuff because he doesn't want to pay. If he was a good man and dad he would do whatever it took to be a part of his child's life.

Quoting Amanda Contento:" Uh he's just using you sweetie. He wants you to cancel the child support so he can do other things but ... [snip!] ... get his crap together first, pay off child support and truly want to be a dad before you do all this moving. He's a lost cause."

Thanks, That's exactly what I was thinking sadly...Just didn't want to be right...

Quoting *Emilee*:" See that's the thing. We aren't planning on being together. He's engaged and I wouldn't want to be ... [snip!] ... hectic family. So moving sounded awesome.And no feeling guilty for her not having her dad sounded great. I always feel guilty.."

If its your family, is there like a town or so away that you could find a place for you and your daughter? When we first moved back to illinois we stayed with my family for a month, it was definately not easy, different ways they lived then we did, how they thought our daughter at the time should be raised it was so stressful. We are greatful that we had a roof over our heads but Im glad we are a town away and we are making it on our own. He needs to pay the child support and it wouldnt have been so bad if he had done it before. What happens when you drop the charges move down there and he still doesnt want to see her then what? you cant turn the support back on for back payment and at that time from the move it would be helpful. Do what you think is best for the both of you but don't feel guilty about what you decide no matter how much he pressures you!

Quoting March 2013:" If its your family, is there like a town or so away that you could find a place for you and your daughter? ... [snip!] ... Do what you think is best for the both of you but don't feel guilty about what you decide no matter how much he pressures you!"

I'm looking like an hour away haha. But probably going to end up getting settled here for now in a place so they're nearby to help if needed. That's what it is! It's SO stressful living here. I have people telling me everyday how to raise her, what she should be doing, trying to discipline her, etc... EVERY DAY.
So getting my own place I think would help eliminate some of that stress.
Thanks for responding. I just don't understand why I am feeling soooo guilty about this. It's like I can't be happy unless I am there, which sounds crazy. I might go to a counselor to just talk and see if that helps...Im just so used to him being in control, I am terrified of doing it all on my own but Ive been doing it on my own pretty much. Hate this feeling of guilt though.

definitly sounds like hes just using you to get of off paying child support. You need to do whats best for you and your daughter not whats best for him.