Would you help your child change for bullying?

I have read in several debates here over the past little bit various examples of things parents would allow if the child was being bullied (waxing eyebrows is one recently) ...and I am wondering why? And if you will wax their eyebrows because someone is bullying them, what else would you do to change them to suit the bullies? Cut their hair, change the color, new clothing? What does it teach your child when you actually allow or encourage them to change something physical about themselves in order to appease bullies? Do you think ti actually stops bullying?

No I will fix my daughters unibrow BEFORE she gets made fun of for it.

I would. If my kid was being picked on and she asked to change something ( for instance I heard recently a kids ears sticking out and parents getting them pinned because he asked and was being bullied) I would.

I think it's about being the best version of yourself so you are happy. I think kids can relate to that too.

If it was dying their hair blonde just because kids didn't like her red hair I would say no. If she was older n just wanted highlights that's completely different

I think it could help the self esteem of the being bullied which in turn can help them handle being bullied or cope better, and may even stop the bullying.

I think if it was something little I would help, yes, but I would also want my child to understand their value doesn't lie in what they look like or what others think about them. It would be a difficult situation.

So what if you make those changes & the kid starts being bullied for another reason? Will you make more changes?

How can self esteem come from validating what the bullies are doing by conforming to what the bullies say? I am not sure I follow.

Wouldn't self esteem come from finding a way to be okay with yourself regardless of whether other people are or aren't okay with you?

Quoting justanothamotha:" So what if you make those changes & the kid starts being bullied for another reason? Will you make ... [snip!] ... self esteem come from finding a way to be okay with yourself regardless of whether other people are or aren't okay with you?"

That's something that comes with adulthood.

I would never send my child to school with smurfed eyebrows/weird clothes etc. to begin with. However if there was something physical she was being made fun of for (ie. big nose), no I wouldn't change that. If she wanted to change her hair colour because she was made fun of I'd let her, I wouldn't suggest that though.

Basically I would allow her to change whatever she wants, but I would not be getting her plastic surgery or pinning her ears to the side, etc. And of course I would teach her that she should be okay with herself (etc.) but that usually falls on deaf ears to kids who are being bullied.

Hmm that is a tough question for me.. If I want my son to learn to accept people for who they are and be fair even if they are different then I wouldn't want my son to change who he is for someone else.. At the same time I don't want my child bullied so I would do what it takes. But the definition of bullied is to intimidate someone that appears to be weaker so would changing a physical feature make them appear stronger? I feel that a bully singles someone out and no matter what is changed with the child the bully will always find something even if its bc they wore a certain color shirt.

I was bullied. My mom let me wear make up. She thought it would help my self esteem. She was right it did. Especially since my problem was a specific popular boy liked me.

Quoting Rd.:" That's something that comes with adulthood. I would never send my child to school with smurfed eyebrows/weird ... [snip!] ... would teach her that she should be okay with herself (etc.) but that usually falls on deaf ears to kids who are being bullied."

It doesn't magically "come with adulthood though". I know many adults who do in fact still succumb to societal pressures & get botox & lip injections & boob jobs & have to have this that or the other because so & so has it, etc...and somehow they *think* it does actually lead to happiness.

I guess I wonder when you start trying to teach it, because it won't just come with adulthood, I promise you. It has to be learned & it isn't learned through conforming & trying to please the bullies. You will never please every one, so you have to learn to please yourself.

Quoting kate & tilly:" I was bullied. My mom let me wear make up. She thought it would help my self esteem. She was right it did. Especially since my problem was a specific popular boy liked me."

How did wearing makeup help you?

Quoting justanothamotha:" It doesn't magically "come with adulthood though". I know many adults who do in fact still succumb to ... [snip!] ... conforming & trying to please the bullies. You will never please every one, so you have to learn to please yourself."

I wasn't trying to say it "just comes with adulthood." You can teach your child to love themselves and build their self esteem their entire childhood but (imo) they won't fully understand that until they're adult. Kids don't care about that smurf, they just want to do something to make the pain stop right then and there. So although I will teach my child those values, I will accept her decisions to change whatever she feels she needs to (minus surgery etc).

Quoting justanothamotha:" How did wearing makeup help you?"

Makeup can not only make some people look more attractive, but make them feel more confident.

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" How did wearing makeup help you?"</blockquote>




I had problems with other girls because a guy who was popular liked me. I didn't think I was attractive at all. The makeup helped me think I was ok looking. At that point I didn't care that some chunky adolescent girl had a problem with my being more attractive than she was to the guy that started the problem. I don't think it was a big change. But I felt much better about myself which is all that mattered to begin with.

Quoting Rd.:" Makeup can not only make some people look more attractive, but make them feel more confident."

  If I'm feeling bad about myself I just doll myself up a little and my confidence is good to go for 3-6 months.