All i wanted was a good report at the doctors.......

not to be stressed all weekend over my ultrasound results. I'll be 32 wks tomorrow. My baby's estimated weight is 3lb 11oz. The doctor said my score on part of the biophysical profile was too high today concerning the placenta. And then shes only in the 9th percentile for abdominal circumfrance. So I have to go back monday and redo the test to help determine if its a glitch or not. If my numbers are still too high I'll have to be seen twice a week, and he said if they get worse it could require hospitalization.

I have had my heart set on the pregnancy and birth of my dreams since this is going to be my last. And of course the most important thing is that I have a healthy baby, but I cant help but feel so letdown and dissapointed in myself at the possibility that that could all change. I have fertility issues to begin with, and then to feel like my body can't properly carry and grow a baby. UGGH

Also the baby is so far down in my pelvis/cervix that she couldnt even find my cervix without doing a vaginal ultrasound. I forgot to ask him about what that even means today b/c we were so busy chatting about the placenta.....

Please God just let everything be okay so that my baby can bake until she's ready....

Praying for you Hun that everything is okay!

I feel ya. I've wanted good news too. But sometimes u don't always get what you dream of. But a healthy baby ends up being more
Important than all of that. It does take time to come to terms with. I'm still struggling some days. But there's nothing I can do it is what it is.

Quoting lolajessup:" I feel ya. I've wanted good news too. But sometimes u don't always get what you dream of. But a healthy ... [snip!] ... that. It does take time to come to terms with. I'm still struggling some days. But there's nothing I can do it is what it is."

I feel so dissapointed in myself more than anything. You're actually in the hospital arent you? Or was that someone else?

<blockquote><b>Quoting *mommy to 3*:</b>" I feel so dissapointed in myself more than anything. You're actually in the hospital arent you? Or was that someone else?"</blockquote>

Yup. 2 weeks tomorrow. 2-3 more to go hopefully.

I felt that way too and a dr have me a reality check pep talk. He said "you did not do this. You didnt cause it, its not your fault. You are being the best mom you can by being here and helping her grow and get strong".

But I felt that way. I felt sad and disappointed that I was useless and was unable to bring a healthy baby into the world. I had a rough week last week. This week has been so much better.

I wanted the perfect natural drug free delivery, I wanted dd to be there the whole time, I wanted to go into labor on my own(even if I went overdue), I wanted to get big and preg, I wanted to hold my baby after birth and bond with her and nurse her.

I will get NONE of that. I have to have a csection. Can't go over 36 weeks. Can't hold my baby for at least 6 hrs. Can't nurse her right away cause she won't be strong enough so I Have to pump. Dd isn't allowed in the nicu so she won't see her irl until we bring her home. It's not fair. I feel ripped off. I am hurt. I am disappointed. I wanna cry. But it doesn't help. It doesn't help me. It doesn't help the baby.

wow.....I'm sorry to hear about your situation. How is your other child handling the seperation from you? That really concerns me too about what if I had to be away from my 12 mos old and 7 year old for a long time. Its good that your doctors try to pick up your spirits. I know that these issues are realistically out of my control. But as a mom i always blame myself for anything that goes wrong with any of my kids. I was induced last pregnancy for placental issues, but I managed to put it off until I was 40 weeks. So i cant complain about that really.

One of my other concerns is that with her head being SOOOO low is that I'll start dialating and end up going into premature labor. IDK if thats actually even possible or not.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *mommy to 3*:</b>" wow.....I'm sorry to hear about your situation. How is your other child handling the seperation from ... [snip!] ... being SOOOO low is that I'll start dialating and end up going into premature labor. IDK if thats actually even possible or not."</blockquote>

She's doing ok. Not great though. She's fallen asleep at school and stuff cause it's been hectic. They had to stop coming on school days now because of it   this is the only hospital with a nicu and it's an hour from home. So it's expensive to come back and forth too. Nobody comes to see me except my parents, So and dd, and my pastor.

I was worried about preterm labor too because of dd sitting so low but apparently it doesn't matter because I have like a mega thick cervix haha. It's between 4 and 5. Apparently that's something to brag about around here haha. I just keep trying to focus on positive things like that and how great her heartbeat is. It keeps me going and keeps positive energy going to her. That's all I have control over right now so I'm trying to stay positive.

My original due date is february 25th. They ended up changing it.

What do you do to pass the time while in the hospital?

<blockquote><b>Quoting *mommy to 3*:</b>" My original due date is february 25th. They ended up changing it. What do you do to pass the time while in the hospital?"</blockquote>

Dang thats a big change in dd!!!!

Well I dont have cable or anything at home so the tv has been very entertaining. I watch all these reruns and it doesn't get old because they're new to me haha!!!!

I do sudoku, take my time showering, eat slowly haha, play on bg. There's always some random person coming in and out, such as social worker, chaplain, physics therapist, nurse, dr. My pastor comes to visit about twice a week. My mom
Comes like once a week. SO and dd come a few days a week. I walk around the room, sit on the yoga ball. Txt.