re: How the SmUrf do/did you do it?!!?

Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:" Dude, send her my way! Lol. He's the nicest child ALIVE, but he gets so frustrated soooo easily. He ... [snip!] ... I'll get burnt out... FAST. It's days like this that just make me doubt everything, and making ANYTHING of myself. Ya know?"

Ohh trust me I know how frustrating it can be. And when you're looking at 4 years instead of two, it makes you feel hopeless. But you ARE getting somewhere and eventually you WILL make something of yourself down the road.

And I know ALL about transitioning and kids not responding well to it. My son isn't diagnosed, but he has a developmental delay that he has special needs teachers at school for and works with an OT and all of that. And we have to warn him that change is coming or he flips the smurf out. "Okay Rayne 5 more minutes and then we have to clean up so we can eat." and all that jazz. Yep. I know it well.

Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:" I've looked into that before, the only thing is that you have to babysit once a week, or something, ... [snip!] ... and idk if I can actually have time to do that. Ya know? But I will keep it in mind. I totally forgot about it! Thank you!"

Well technically its just a service, you have to like stay and watch the kids when your classes are done for an hour, but if you really dont have the time [my friend didnt a couple semesters] then they have you help out other ways. Washing a load of laundry or something you can do at home. Its not a lot considering they do they daycare for free/ run on donations/fundraisers.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" Ohh trust me I know how frustrating it can be. And when you're looking at 4 years instead of two, it ... [snip!] ... the smurf out. "Okay Rayne 5 more minutes and then we have to clean up so we can eat." and all that jazz. Yep. I know it well."

It really does eat at you after a while though, especially when you are stressed out to the max already. The last thing you want to deal with is a meltdown. There have been plenty of days (recently) where I snap and have to lock myself in a room just to cry and sob, and question why this is happening to me, what I DID to deserve THIS.

I love my kids to death, they are the reason I'm here, and why I try to better myself. But somedays everything hits you at once and it's like "ALKJSDLAKSJDLAKSJDLK SmUrf. Pity party over here!".

Quoting jes♥london&lincoln:" Well technically its just a service, you have to like stay and watch the kids when your classes are ... [snip!] ... laundry or something you can do at home. Its not a lot considering they do they daycare for free/ run on donations/fundraisers."

Yeah. It's a really great service! I thought it was in JC but apparently it's in Endicott now? Lol. I will certainly look into it and call and see what's up.

Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:" Yeah. It's a really great service! I thought it was in JC but apparently it's in Endicott now? Lol. I will certainly look into it and call and see what's up. "

No they are back in JC. They had a temporary move because of the damn flood. They had to rebuild. Only just moved back in.

Quoting jes♥london&lincoln:" No they are back in JC. They had a temporary move because of the damn flood. They had to rebuild. Only just moved back in."

Ahh okay! Thanks!

Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:" It really does eat at you after a while though, especially when you are stressed out to the max already. ... [snip!] ... to better myself. But somedays everything hits you at once and it's like "ALKJSDLAKSJDLAKSJDLK SmUrf. Pity party over here!". "

Oh I hear ya. I've ALWAYS been a single mom. I actually don't know what it's like to have a full time second parent. I've lived with my parents and they help out slightly, but it's nothing like having an actual second parent there to have your back all the time. Two different guys have left me holding the back either right before or right after the baby was born.

And you're absolutely right, there are just days where you just want to lock yourself in your room, curl up into a ball, and scream/cry. And you DO wonder why it's all happening to you and what you did to deserve it. I live for my kids and I wouldn't trade them for the world. But why don't I deserve to have a partner who helps me with them? Why don't they deserve to have a real dad? I'm all about that whole pity party thing at times. Lol.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" Oh I hear ya. I've ALWAYS been a single mom. I actually don't know what it's like to have a full time ... [snip!] ... who helps me with them? Why don't they deserve to have a real dad? I'm all about that whole pity party thing at times. Lol."

Lol. Right?

I was with my husband for 5 years, and even though he was THERE, it wasn't ever really co parenting. I parented until I said OMG I GIVE UP YOU DEAL WITH THEM. And still, barely anything. Lol.

He's a good dad, but it's one of those things where I still felt "single" the majority of the time, and he parents when HE wants to, not when he NEEDS to.

Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:" Lol. Right? I was with my husband for 5 years, and even though he was THERE, it wasn't ever really ... [snip!] ... of those things where I still felt "single" the majority of the time, and he parents when HE wants to, not when he NEEDS to. "

That's what amazes me about some men. Not all, mind you, because some are GREAT dads. But some men just think it's the woman's job to parent and then for them to step in and be the awesome, cool friend/dad who buys them crap and plays ball with them in the yard. Parenting needs to be 100/100 and it needs to be a united front. Like my ex. He walked out right before our daughter was born last year. He puts $200 a month into my account for her. Her daycare alone is $1,000 a month. If he didn't have half of her expenses to spare, I'd say fine and deal with whatever he could spare, but he does. He just doesn't want to give it up because he feels that 100% of MY money should be spent on hers and IF he has anything left over after he's spent his money on what he wants, he might give it to me for her.  

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" That's what amazes me about some men. Not all, mind you, because some are GREAT dads. But some men just ... [snip!] ... on hers and IF he has anything left over after he's spent his money on what he wants, he might give it to me for her.  "

Oh god I know exactly how you mean.

He comes around and plays super hero. Takes them shopping and to all the places I can't afford to take them. It makes me feel like smurf, like he's trying to buy them. Which I hate, because I can't compete with that.

He comes around when he wants to, takes them when he wants to, does smurf FOR them when he wants to. I know he loves them, to death. But you can't be a part time dad. " Oh I was sick all night I can't take them." Must be nice to be able to use that excuse...  .

Are you done with college? What are/did you go for? If you don't mind me asking,

Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:" Oh god I know exactly how you mean. He comes around and plays super hero. Takes them shopping and ... [snip!] ... to be able to use that excuse...  . Are you done with college? What are/did you go for? If you don't mind me asking,"

No, I'm not done. I had to take a break because some idiot professor lost our grades and then failed me, so I lost my financial aid.   And then I got pregnant... And now I'm back to single motherhood. So I'm currently trying to get back on my feet at my mom's house. I'm in the process of a Psychology degree, which means at LEAST a Masters or Doctorate before I can even do anything other than like a school counselor. Although worse case scenario, I can fall back on being a teacher if I needed to. I'm also trying to move up to Indiana where my boyfriend and all of his friends and family live. Into my own place, of course, but they've all got kids and they help each other out with support and stuff. So once I get there, I'm going to try to get back into it.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" No, I'm not done. I had to take a break because some idiot professor lost our grades and then failed ... [snip!] ... all got kids and they help each other out with support and stuff. So once I get there, I'm going to try to get back into it."

Best of luck! I don't think many people realize that a bachelors in Psychology really doesn't get you anyways, you have to go further than that. My cousin has hers in Psychology and she couldn't get a job anywhere without a doctrine or Masters in it. She DOES plan on going back, but at the same time, it's like theres no time like the present, ya know? I know for a fact, I probably wouldn't even end up going back, especially if you get comfortable where you are at ( she's a mentor at a retirement home for the patients friends and family).

Like I said BEST OF LUCK in all that you plan on doing with your life, I hope you can get out of where you are, and move so you have a closer knit support system and friends! ( Not that your parents aren't supportive, but you know what I mean. Lol).

Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:" Best of luck! I don't think many people realize that a bachelors in Psychology really doesn't get you ... [snip!] ... you have a closer knit support system and friends! ( Not that your parents aren't supportive, but you know what I mean. Lol)."

Well, they AREN'T really all that supportive. They're like bitchy, overgrown, passive/aggressive teenagers. Lol. Part of the reason why I'm trying to move away. They do stuff for you only to hold it over your head when they feel like treating you like crap or making PA comments towards you. If you don't do things the exact way they secretly think you should, you're looked down upon. It's a mess. I told them I was going to take my tax refund and move out, and they threatened to take my car (in my name and my father's name) and call CPS on me because they think I'd let my kids live in filth and that I would neglect them.   But then when you talk to them, they're allowing me to live here. Lol.

But yeah I've got an okay job right now that has the potential to pay my bills comfortably, but it's working for my mom (from home, thankfully and can travel anywhere with me) and she has to find time in her schedule to train me on the job so sometimes it's just sitting and waiting for a project until she can find time to teach me. So I'm hoping to either train more there OR go back to college and finish getting my degree so I can move onto other things.

Quoting Penises 3:Vaginas 1:" I have a question, for those single moms ( or moms would had husbands not close to home at the time) ... [snip!] ... HARD was it? ** I'm going to nursing school so if anyone has particular insight on that as well I'd appreciate it, greatly!"

What kind of nursing school?
Do you work?

I work 38 hours a week, and attend part time LPN school (10.5 hours one week, and 27 hours the next, rotating weeks)
I chose this option because once I have my LPN, there's a lot of ASN or BSN programs online to get my RN with minimal clinical time.

Maybe looking into this?