Quoting ilovemymeep:" I'm just frustrated that this has gone on for a long time and he doesn't make any friends, so its all ... [snip!] ... beer play video games. on the weekends, nap, sleep in really late drink beer. And he didn't spend anytime with our daughter."
Why does he need to make friends? Have you ever had bad depression to understand how it feels? I think that would be the only way to really understand him, i imagine it would be very hard to understand if you hadn't experienced it. It's like your brain does not work properly, normal things do not even occur to you or cross your mind at all. It's hard to find the words to even open your mouth to speak to anyone, it's hard to follow a conversation or really take in what anyone says to you. It can make you very self conscious so you don't want to be around people as it makes you feel terrible and you know you suck at interacting. Everything is exhausting and feels like an impossible task. Just knowing you have to wake up and live another day sucks so bad it hurts. It's like you're on a treadmill and you just can't keep up. Or you're treading in a pool and slipping under. It's exhausting and painful and there's no way out. So the only way to make it feel any better is to escape, something like alcohol or losing yourself in computer games are perfect examples of that. It's not like you drink or play games for fun, it's not being lazy, it's the only way to try and numb the pain and escape reality just so you don't kill yourself.
For me personally i only get through because i am home alone and my child needs me. I have to write lists of things to do to make sure i do them. I have to set daily goals to make sure i don't let things slide. I have to look at my child's needs objectively and constantly critique myself to make sure i am meeting his needs and not letting my mental health affect him too badly. I'm struggling through a nervous breakdown after fleeing domestic violence and my child and i being sexually abused, i have PTSD and anxiety aswel and if i had the chance i would just play computer games and drink all the time too. But i have had depression in the past without 'reasons' like what i'm facing just now, so i understand it can come from 'nothing' and just chemical imbalances.
Other things that have helped are specific Bach Remedies, it took about a month to kick in and cost $8. There are supplements that can help too, some better than drugs. Having enough Omega 3 oil can help your brain to function better too so i'd definitely recommend them. Could you ask him if it would be ok to help him write a little list of things to stick too? just make sure you don't pressure him if he doesn't keep it up all the time, as more feeling of failure makes it all harder. Could you also explain to him your daughters basic needs for having a father/good parenting interaction. And say that even if he feels like smurf, it's not fair to damage her development. Say that you will support him to be able to have a positive input into her development even though he's struggling, so that he won't feel guilty long term. Set a time to take her over to play with him, set certain activities or games up for them so that it's easier for him to do and facilitate the play. It's really important that he maintains a relationship with her, even if the rest of the time he's a mess. He can't just give up and be a deadbeat ya know? if he gets better then he'd regret it, and it would affect your daughter. He will thank you in the long run if you make him do things with her now. I really wish i had someone to help me do all those things, i think when you're very ill with depression it's the only thing that would really help in a parenting situation. He just has to keep going each day and make sure he doesn't let the most important things slide.