Engaged WITHOUT a ring.

Last night me and SO got into a conversation. See, we share a Facebook together. The only reason why we have one is to share pictures. Well I went to edit something on their and he goes "you need to change that i'm in a relationship to, engaged." I told him why? We ain't engaged, you don't see a ring on my finger. He has asked me several times will I marry him, and of course I want to! But um, I ain't seen no ring yet, so I'm not gonna go around telling everyone we are engaged and have no ring to show for it. To me, that just makes me feel kinda childish, like something some girl would try to do in middle school. He said he could see where I was coming from, but then said but you know my intentions are to marry you. But we just got through Christmas and we spent a lot on the kids. When I get you a ring, I want it to be nice. I'm not spending $200-300 on a ring, that's just cheap. Which he IS like that on EVERYTHING. He hates generics, cheap items that'll just break, etc.

I dunno, maybe I'm wrong for feeling this way. He seemed a little upset about it. Like, it's all about just a ring. But it's really not. What do you think about it?

Having an understanding that you WANT to be engaged and ACTUALLY being engaged are two different things. I wouldn't personally consider myself engaged until I got some form of a ring. Until he puts forth the effort and courtship I just would believe his intentions to marry me are true. Just how I feel about it.

I have a kinda cheap ring but we were engaged before that. I don't even wear it much because it's not the cutest and doesn't fit right. My SO also said that he wants to buy a super fancy one but until then we are still engaged.

Yeah, I would consider it without a ring because I don't like wearing rings and don't want one.

I didn't tell people without a ring either. Everyone wants to see the ring haha!! We waited a long time to make sure I got the ring I wanted. SO started a savings acct for it. And we got approved credit for the ring I wanted then he used the savings he started to pay higher payments so we could pay it off in the 6 mos no interest period. Now we use the card to buy gifts, like SOs watch and my earrings.

i don't think it's all about a ring. i think the ring is more for other people to know you're spoken for.

i don't need a ring to know my SO wants to marry me.

i think a ring is just symbolic, so it wouldn't matter to me.
i get where you're coming from, though.

Quoting lolajessup:" I didn't tell people without a ring either. Everyone wants to see the ring haha!! We waited a long time ... [snip!] ... so we could pay it off in the 6 mos no interest period. Now we use the card to buy gifts, like SOs watch and my earrings."

EXACTLY! I told SO that last night as well. I said just as soon as I switch that in a relationship to engaged, EVERYONE on my FB (because they are all mainly my friends) is going to ask for a picture. And how stupid am I gonna look saying, oh, um, he hasn't gotten me one yet lol

We were engaged without a ring for a while, I was crying one day because I felt like it was never going to happen, and he said he wanted to and it was like music to my ears, I was just happy he said he wanted to marry me too...
When I got my ring it was that much more special to me because we worked so hard for it, now I'm looking at a new set, we want black diamonds, the 1 Im getting is twice the price of the 1st, im making him cry when he pays for it, thats what he gets for making me cry in the 1st place lol

The way I see it, a ring doesn't create or make a union. It's an object.

My SO and I were engaged for 3 months before he could afford to get me a ring. Sure, there were some people who didn't think it was "as serious" as an engagement with a ring, but in my eyes, they're not the ones in the relationship, so they don't matter. His verbal, and mental commitment to marry me was all I needed to feel secure.

DH spent $500 on my 1/4 Ct. When I worked at my old job, all of my co-workers would bust my ass on how cheap it was and I deserved bigger. I'm not pretentious. The relationship isn't based on a piece of jewelery. I wouldn't have cared if DH proposed to me without a ring. Some idiots spend thousands on rings, to only get broken up/divorced down the road anyway.   My wedding band is what's really important to me. Only because it's a symbol of our bond of marriage.

We were engaged for quite a while without a ring. I now have my dream ring. It's 10k gold and 1/10ct diamond. I don't like flashy or ornate jewelry. I like simple. My ring is "cheap" I guess but I wouldn't have it any other way (except maybe white gold, but SO was so excited when I pointed out a ring I liked in a jewelry case he made me get sized and order it and I just couldnt say no.   The ring isn't important to me. We live like we are married too so our wedding is basically the same level of importance as the ring.

I got married at the court house and i have no rings i really dont care.

I can see both your points and I was in a similar situation.

When I moved from Boston to Kansas 3 yrs ago, it was with every intention that my husband and I would be getting married. We did 2yrs long distance & when I agreed to move, he mentioned that he'd want to get engaged fairly quickly (well, hey, don't threaten ME with a good time, right? lol).

So, three months later (March), his little brother gets engaged to his girlfriend on her bday (mine is the same week). They're about 21yrs old & she's kind of the type where she likes the spotlight (read: selfish & spoiled), so I suggested to him that we wait to get engaged for a little while b/c I didn't want to steal their limelight... I was confident in our relationship and the track we were on (plus, he thought I was being really low maintenance and he'd appreciated that as well).

Come October... we had the opportunity to put a down payment on our dream venue for the wedding --- so we did... and then started planning everything. Still, no ring. I wanted to share wedding plans and stuff online w/friends & family back home, but it felt awkward b/c they'd say.... hey, when did you get engaged. And then you had to have the conversation --- well, "technically" we're not, but we're just planning. And they'd give me that "ohhhhhhh" look --- as if I was some demented creeper making plans and forcing this poor guy into marriage. And then when I'd go to Bridal Shows w/his brother's gf, of course she'd show off her ring and people would look at me and ask "where's yours?" (because who would go to a bridal show and claim they were a bride if they weren't engaged?). I'd lie & say it was being cleaned or resized.. and they'd give me that look like "yeah, I bet --- poor sad, pathetic girl who is NOT engaged" ----- I just felt awkward. I didn't realize how much it symbolized. And to be honest... by the end of that year (the holidays), what started out as "no, don't worry, you don't have to propose right away" turned into "why haven't you propose? have you changed your mind about me?" I turned into one of those girls I despised! I always said it was other people who made me uncomfortable about it... but really --- *I* felt anxious about him not proposing.

Finally, right before Valentine's Day, I just came out and told him how I felt and we'd had our first squabble. I told him I felt weird planning this wedding when I didn't feel we were technically engaged! He finally blurted out that he'd already bought the ring & it was going to be ready in 3wks. He'd planned on surprising me, but.....

He proposed on my birthday in March. We got married that October. I learned to tell him EXACTLY how I felt and not to try to be so damn accommodating and he learned NOT to procrastinate on the important stuff  

I would wait until you were properly engaged to change your facebook status & announce to everyone that you're engaged. Let him know that us girls.... we dream about the moment the love of our lives ask us to marry them. That it might not be so significant to guys, but it is to us. That you want to wait until it is really official, if that's ok with him. And tell him that it's important to you. That should tell him everything he needs to know. (and I apologize for the long-winded post!!!)  

This is the least romantic wedding "proposal" I have ever come across.

Seriously.

THAT is how he brought up the idea of marriage to you..? "Hey, hon, let's change our status to 'engaged' lolz!!!"

Anyway, congratulations. I really don't mean to be a bitch but come on.