right now my heart hurts :( vent.

I can't even begin to type everything down about what has been going on in my life lately, it's just a mess. I am just hurting physically and emotionally. I tried to conceive this baby, because I wanted to love someone and be there for someone, and have that someone need me, and to know that he/she would always need me at least until they were 18. I wanted to be a mom, and I wanted to have everyone of those moments I see a mother has. I wanted to feel that deep unconditional love a mother feels for her child. I wanted all of that. I made a baby, and now I don't know what to do. I want/ed this baby more then anything and God gave me exactly what I wanted. I just don't know anymore now, I am hurting and apparently in BD eyes I am not going to be a good mom, that I am a horrible person, and all kinds of other things. I expected this little boy would grow up with a mommy and daddy who love eachother not two parents who can get along for a week if they try so so hard. Now I feel like he doesn't deserve to go through this. I am afraid and emotional I don't feel stable right now. I am tired of the arguments, I am tired of my attempts at making everything work failing. I am tired of crying, my body aches because of all the crying I seem to do. I don't know how to pass this feeling or let it go. I could never give my son up to anyone at all because I love him to much, and at the same time I am so afraid. I posted earlier about my relationship and how today went, and now it's only getting worse and making me feel worse. I don't feel worth much right now and its him this childs father who is making me feel like this right now. I don't know what to do, I am now more then ever afraid for my son, for how I am going to be as his mother. I am afraid of me right now. I want him to have the world because he deserves it. I just am scared right now. I am so afraid of failure. I am so afraid of what is going to happen. I am afraid he's going to grow up to hate me, or that he will wonder why everything is like it is or like it will turn out to be. I just don't want to fail. It makes me wonder why now, why I am blessed with this chance to be a mom. What if he hates me in the end and I do a terrible job. :'( I don't know what to do, and right now it's probably just me being emotional, but I just don't understand any of this right now. What if he doesn't love me  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Due *March 8th* w/ a boy!:</b>" I can't even begin to type everything down about what has been going on in my life lately, it's just ... [snip!] ... now it's probably just me being emotional, but I just don't understand any of this right now. What if he doesn't love me  "</blockquote>




Your son already loves you. Just the fact that it worries you so much about what if your not the perfect mom shows that you will be a GREAT mom. He is part of you and when he is born you will know what to do and he will know how much you love him. He already feels it  . Try to calm down...you.might have pregnancy induced anxiety ...I did.

I hope you and your guy can improve your relationship before thr

Its very common to feel overwhelmed or that you're not going to be a "good" mom or that your kid won't love you. Especially with your first and especially when you're having other stressers in your life (which it certainly seems like you are).

Have you talked with your OB about how you're feeling? I spend more time talking with my OB about my concerns than we spend on actual "baby" stuff (and this is my 4th pg (3rd child to get this far)).

Can you take some time away from your SO for a while? Maybe you both need some space?

sorry posted too early...

I hope you guys can improve things before he is born....but if things dont work out he will still have an awesome Mom who will give him everything she can!

Have you thought about couples counseling?

Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Due *March 8th* w/ a boy!:</b>" I can't even begin to type everything ... [snip!] ... down...you.might have pregnancy induced anxiety ...I did. I hope you and your guy can improve your relationship before thr"

He tells me our child is going to come out with stuff wrong with him, because I take anxiety medicine because I get so overwhelmed and have always suffered with depression and threatening anxiety. He said he's going to be deformed also because I take medicine for heartburn. I just want it all to be okay and I am so afraid, he gets mad when he knows I talk about stuff like this to other people but he always tells me how stupid and what not it is. I just don't know if I can take it much longer. I just want to be/feel okay.

You're not alone mama! I felt the same way w my first too. Hubby n I did nothing but argue n I was questioning things. The fact you're worried now means you love care n will be a great mom to ur baby. Ur SO might come around. Maybe he's stressing as well. U might need a break to put things into perspective. I stayed w my mom for a month bc things were bad. When I got back we were less stressed n able to talk frankly bout our fears.

We have taken a lot of space he wasn't in the same house as me for like 2 months, and we barely talked, and in those 2 months I was in a different state for 3 weeks. Oh and because he told me those things about the anxiety meds I quit taking them which has possibly only made it worse on me, and he doesn't see that.

Quoting Due *March 8th* w/ a boy!:" He tells me our child is going to come out with stuff wrong with him, because I take anxiety medicine ... [snip!] ... he always tells me how stupid and what not it is. I just don't know if I can take it much longer. I just want to be/feel okay."

He doesn't sound very supportive mama. Talk to your OB/midwife about it! They can point you in the right direction.

I suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm glad I told my Midwife because I am getting the help I need. Try to find some supportive people in your life.

You can always PM me if you need to talk.

Quoting Due *March 8th* w/ a boy!:" He tells me our child is going to come out with stuff wrong with him, because I take anxiety medicine ... [snip!] ... he always tells me how stupid and what not it is. I just don't know if I can take it much longer. I just want to be/feel okay."

Your SO's being a douche saying things like that to you.

Your OB is aware of all medications you are taking and you're taking them as prescribed, correct? There ARE some that are not considered safe during pregnancy, that's why I ask. Heartburn meds aren't going to kill the baby (tho again, they should only be used in moderation).

You're both young and I'm presuming this is his first as well? My DH doesn't "get" why I get worried about things when it comes to this pg and sometimes tells me I overthink things (sometimes he's joking about it, sometimes he's more serious) but when I get really upset (crying) and he knows about it (sometimes I go into another room when I'm that upset b/c being around him at those times gets me even MORE worked up) he'll USUALLY try to calm me down and say he's sorry (if it's b/c of something he did).


My DD DID have a birth defect, and it was NOT caused by ANYTHING I did (or didn't) do or take.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Missie93:</b>" He doesn't sound very supportive mama. Talk to your OB/midwife about it! They can point you in the right ... [snip!] ... I am getting the help I need. Try to find some supportive people in your life. You can always PM me if you need to talk."</blockquote>




Speaking of. I need an update on "stuff" :-) I've been thinking about you.