military wives only please

So I felt this belonged in this catagory just because so many people will have a strong opinion on this probably and I am sorry but if your a civilian and not a spouse normally I would love your advice but this really is something that is better understood by military wives....
I am preggo with number 2 and this will be a pregnancy of firsts for me....
I will be at my mothers on bedrest as of the end of the month (we just started talking and seeing each other after five years of silence)
My husband may end up deploying in march with a 72 hour notice or in december
My due date is only a few days off of my sons and I am already having the same complications and such so I am thinking this child might come early in march like my son
.............
The question I am wanting to ask or well discuss I guess is this
My husband is lucky enough to have the option to stay behind till december but even if he does he will still be going to a leadership school in march wont be back for 90 days he really doesent want to miss out on this second child since it will be our last but he has already had to pass up this school twice now and the fact he even has a third chance is a miracle then he has the option to deploy from the school or in december and its a mandatory one year deployment and if he goes to school they will count that as his deployment time if I wasnt pregnant this would be the most awesome lucky break the army could have given us but since I am most likely going to have this child in the time frame he is gone I am trying to encourage him to go on to school he will never get this chance again and we need the money from the deployment to pay off debt and I have seen plenty of wives manage delivery on thier own but its never complicated pregnancy and its never without major family help and I only get my mom for the short time of my second being born. He wants to pass it all up and try for december deployment and being able to see his child be born which while sweet really wont help us in the long run and we will really be struggling paycheck to paycheck as if its not bad enough. So I guess what I need to know (besides the lesson in grammar you wonderful nazis will give me) is what was it like for you to have your child with your man deployed and is it heartless to want his deployment to be shorter and more succesful and safe because of this school but encourage him to miss this baby coming in the world....keep in mind he will be alotted a two week rr during this deployment so once my child is out of the NICU assuming everything goes as it did before he would actually be able to be home and be helpful for those two weeks and he wouldnt miss seeing his child for a year ...also throughout all this my son has done awesome with daddy visits on skype during previous short deployments even tho he is so young hes such a good lil boy I couldnt help but brag that a bit lol btw I am sure I made no sense to alot of you and for that I am sorry there is just so many what ifs and I hate being unprepared so this may just have to be a vent

Personally, I thought it was pretty easy to have a baby without him there. Sure, it sucked....but it was life. What was I supposed to do? Sit around and cry about it? Eh, not my style. He came home to meet her at 5 months. I just kind of feel like that is life sometimes, and you have to roll with the punches.

I had DD while DH was deployed. She was 10 months old when he came home. It was easy. He missed out on stuff, sure. But that's a part of being in the military. As service members, we learn to suck it up. It's an expectation that comes with the territory.

I'd write out pros and cons and discuss it with my hubs, but I'd let him decide.

He always puts his family first and would want to be there and says crew career stuff.

My second was born while my husband was stuck in Kuwait trying to get home for r&r. It sucked, but we knew it was a possibility, and we prepared for that.
I dunno...you kinda get over it. If he gets an r&r and can see the baby, I'd go that route.

<blockquote><b>Quoting sassy chef:</b>" Personally, I thought it was pretty easy to have a baby without him there. Sure, it sucked....but it ... [snip!] ... He came home to meet her at 5 months. I just kind of feel like that is life sometimes, and you have to roll with the punches. "</blockquote>

!!!

Thanks ladies....
I tried discussing it with a family friend and apparently I was so heartless to encourage him to miss this but as you guys have said it sucks but clearly it works out and things are fine and in the long run this would really help us all as a family we could be debt free with only a car payment and usual bills on a e-6 possibly e-7 pay and he could go officer and well idk I just thought as a wife yea the family is first but sometimes we need to sit and wait and support him in his career he will retire soon anyway but once again this was received with a response of " your kids were born into this they dont get a choice to be dragged around following thier dad" and while I get that but unless this second one protests it somehow (lol gave me a gigle picturing that) my son does better than most kids with his fathers career...sometimes its just nice to hear other wives confirm my feelings so I know I am not nuts

Quoting sassy chef:" Personally, I thought it was pretty easy to have a baby without him there. Sure, it sucked....but it ... [snip!] ... He came home to meet her at 5 months. I just kind of feel like that is life sometimes, and you have to roll with the punches. "

All of this. I agree 100%. I had my son without my husband. He was actually in a different city, training for his upcoming deployment so he didn't make it to Schwetzingen in time. He deployed when Isaiah was 2.5 weeks old. It sucked, for sure but like you said, that comes with being a military wife. I am not the one to sit around and pout because my husband is gone. I had my days but I kept on truckin'. Being sad is not going to bring him home or keep him home.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" All of this. I agree 100%. I had my son without my husband. He was actually in a different city, training ... [snip!] ... because my husband is gone. I had my days but I kept on truckin'. Being sad is not going to bring him home or keep him home."</blockquote>


 

My husband and I became pregnant with out first only two months before am 18 month deployment began for him (he had extra assignments while down range, so he stayed behind an extra 3 months after his unit returned). I was on a brand new military base and was brand new to military life when he deployed (he deployed 3 months out of basic). I had no friends and I was thousands of miles away from family. I carried, delivered, and raised our daughter for the first year of her life completely alone. The hardest part wasn't raising and birthing our first child alone (though that did suck), the hardest part for me was knowing my husband was missing all of it.

To make matters worse, my husband's job duties didn't allow him much down time, so we never skyped and rarely chatted on the phone/net. Maybe once per month, if we were lucky.

Quoting Jas ♥:" All of this. I agree 100%. I had my son without my husband. He was actually in a different city, training ... [snip!] ... because my husband is gone. I had my days but I kept on truckin'. Being sad is not going to bring him home or keep him home."

Yep.

Being constantly sad will only drive everyone around you crazy. There are enough wives who do that, we don't need to add more.  

Quoting sassy chef:" Yep. Being constantly sad will only drive everyone around you crazy. There are enough wives who do that, we don't need to add more.  "

Preach.

<blockquote><b>Quoting sassy chef:</b>" Yep. Being constantly sad will only drive everyone around you crazy. There are enough wives who do that, we don't need to add more.  "</blockquote>


Amen!

Quoting Jas ♥:" Preach."

Quoting sassy chef:" Yep. Being constantly sad will only drive everyone around you crazy. There are enough wives who do that, we don't need to add more.  "

agreed and amen
so glad to hear I am not heartless after all
it really is relief the last thing I wanted to be getting across to my husband is that I was being selfish and didnt care that he was going to miss this over something we really needed him to do