Pushy MIL

Okay so she's not my MIL because me and SO aren't married but i'm going to refer her as my MIL because it's easier.

Anyway, DD will be 1 month old on the 12th and my MIL is sooo damn pushy!
Since DD was born she has really been getting on my nerves!

DD was born on a wednesday, and MIL and FIL came to visit in the hospital, fair enough that is fine, they want to see their grandchild. But they have seen her every single weekend for both saturday and sunday since she has been born, and even some weeks they come over during the week to come visit. They live about an hour and half's drive away so it does make sense to stay over on the saturday (they get a hotel room because we live in a tiny flat) but not spend the WHOLE 2 days with us. It is really frustrating not having the weekend to just spend together. It is not them that always come to us, we do go to them on the weekends as well, but that's not really by my choice... If i say I don't want to go, and explain my reason to SO he gets pissed at me and complains that it's not fair on his parents to not go and see them for one weekend. Also his MIL will call up and say things like "i was really looking forward to seeing you on the weekend, i'm really sad now that you aren't coming, it's made me upset because I really wanted to have cuddles with my beautiful grandchild" or along those lines, but it's said in a tone that makes it sound like emotional blackmail?

Also these are the type of people that I don't feel comfortable around as in I feel I am not allowed to 'slob around' on the sofa, I have to sit up properly and be the one to make conversation, and it is hard work! I feel like I can't relax in my own home!

The other thing about my MIL is that she is SO SO SO clingy to DD!
As soon as she/we get in the door, she grabs DD from me and starts cuddling her and will NOT let her go! The thing about this is that a hell of a lot of the time, DD will start crying and I know that she is hungry so I say "I think she's hungry", you know, hinting that MIL should give her to me, but she ALWAYS insists it's wind! Literally, without fail, it's every time she cries I get "oh she's got windy pops" and she continues to try and wind her! So i say to her "she's hungry" and I go to take her and MIL pulls her away from me and says "No, i think she's still got a bit of wind" and by this point DD is crying a lot and I feel like bursting into tears because my baby is upset! Then like 5 minutes later (5 minutes is a looong time!) MIL would say "i think she's hungry" NO SmUrfING Smurf! UGH!
I know you're probably thinking just take her from her but it's weird, it's so difficult with her, she always pulls DD away from me and she's hard to say 'no' to?


I know this sounds petty because they have a right to see their grandchild and they're just excited because it is their first grandchild, but it is really getting me down.
She totally seems to forget that DD is only a month old and so she is still so new to me as well, can you imagine what it was like a a week old and having your MIL hold your DD constantly for 2 days and you can only hold her when she needs feeding?
Also she calls EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail, sometimes even twice a day, and she has nothing to talk about... she just asks how DD is and repeats herself over and over at "how alert DD is" and how "she loves the lights" Yeah. great. we established this like 2 weeks ago, stop going on about it... just because you have nothing else to talk about you have to repeat yourself.

It's really bad. She has kinda ruined this first month for me with DD... I thought I would really enjoy the first couple of months, and I totally am, spending the time with SO and DD, but i'm just so down about my MIL. It's really draining emotionally and even the mention of her name or of them coming over just puts a downer on my day. I don't WANT it to be like this! I want for us all to be happy and of course I want them to see their grandchild, but i'm just not happy at the moment, really not happy.

Ugh, i could go on a lot lot more, she gets on my nerves so much but I don't want to bore you (i probably have already)
I'm just really struggling with this... advice please?  

I would tell her that you would like to limit the time they see her because you want to enjoy your child.

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" I would tell her that you would like to limit the time they see her because you want to enjoy your child. "

Thanks, yeah I have thought this through but SO isn't very supportive on me on that one... he thinks it's selfish :/

How often do you see your parents?

WOW.....All I can say, is I know exactly what you mean, it is difficult with MIL's because you want them to like/accept you. However, I would either sit her down to have a specific conversation about it, and don't ASK...TELL her, how it is going to be from here on out. These are the rules, and they will be followed as long as my child is around. Also, with the slobbing around, I feel the exact same way, but it is YOUR house, if they say anything about it, just tell them, "this is a weekend, i'm at home with my family, I am allowed to lounge." And I would definitly tell your significant other that you would like ome alone time with you, your child and him. It is nice to include grandparents, but if and when it starts creating problems, you have to lay down ground rules and make it clear to everyone your wants/needs. Hopefully everyone can then come to a compromise. But you most definitely do NOT have to continue in this way, how uncomfortable.

I would have flipped my smurf by now. You are doing so well. Anything I can think of is horrible so I will just leave it at that.

Quoting Captain Obvious:" How often do you see your parents?"

My parents are divorced but I see my mum once ever one and a half/2 weeks and it's only for an evening when she will cook us dinner and i see my dad every 2 weeks, sometimes even longer. But we do stay in contact via phone (my dad works from 2am until 12pm so when he gets home he just sleeps and he only gets 2 days off bi-weekly so it's kinda hard to time it when we are all free to go see him)

Is your LO their first grandchild?

Quoting Callie L. La Hoya:" WOW.....All I can say, is I know exactly what you mean, it is difficult with MIL's because you want them ... [snip!] ... everyone can then come to a compromise. But you most definitely do NOT have to continue in this way, how uncomfortable."

Thank you. SO has had a quiet word with her about it, that was like a week and a half ago and nothing has changed. I think the day he said something to her for like half the day she was better then just slipped back into her old ways again. It is very frustrating... Also with the mountains of visitors we have had over the last month we just need a break! For the first 2ish weeks, we had multiple visitors every day... i literally had to write down who was coming at what time and make a schedule for it to make sure i could fit everyone in! I just don't see why she NEEDS to see her so much?
Like, the other day, they were talking about going on holiday and she said "we can't go for 2 weeks!? I won't be able to see lilly (my DD)" and no joking around, her actual words were "i won't be able to cope for that long" and she wans't joking around either. I mean, seriously!? what. the. smurf!? she's not YOUR kid!
see.... i told you i could go on and on about her haha! sorry  

I am going to have to have a sit down chat with her and another chat with SO because I can't carry on like this!  

I'm sorry you're going through this. And yes, I understand that you feel grandparents have a right to see their grandchild, but you need to keep in mind that there are limits to those rights. One being that their rights do NOT over step your's...or possibly better put: you're rights as DD's parent and mother are more important than their's. If your SO doesn't agree or isn't one to stand up to them/her, then there needs to be some serious talk about where the relationship is going if he can't even confront his own mother on the BS she is pulling because this isn't something you should have to put up with, and certainly not for any extended period of time...and I'd say that it becoming a pattern (every weekend for a month, etc.) is an extended period of time given the stressful circumstances it causes for DD and you.

Quoting Caimma:" I would have flipped my smurf by now. You are doing so well. Anything I can think of is horrible so I will just leave it at that."

Thanks! I am trying to just keep the peace!

Honestly, please share your opinions, i'm in one of those moods...

Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):" Is your LO their first grandchild?"

"I know this sounds petty because they have a right to see their grandchild and they're just excited because it is their first grandchild"

Quoting NatashaHarper:" Thank you. SO has had a quiet word with her about it, that was like a week and a half ago and nothing ... [snip!] ... sorry   I am going to have to have a sit down chat with her and another chat with SO because I can't carry on like this!  "

Exactly, you should also mention that their are grandparents that live hundreds of miles away from their grandkids. It's not uncommon, AT ALL. Once your children grow up and move on and start a family of their own, it's supposed to be your chance as a grandparent to live YOUR life kid free now. Do all those things you always said you would but couldn't because you had to take care of children. It is NOT your opportunity to take over your in raising your grandchild. I would ask her how would that make you feel if someone assumed they knew what was best for your very young baby more than you? Don't you think, as this baby's mother, I know what she is in need of? I would appreciate it, if you would respect me as the mother, and allow my new family time to settle.

Quoting NatashaHarper:" Thanks, yeah I have thought this through but SO isn't very supportive on me on that one... he thinks it's selfish :/"

It is not selfish. Seeing your grandchild isnt a right. It is a privilege.

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" It is not selfish. Seeing your grandchild isnt a right. It is a privilege. "

Amen sister. A privilege that can be taken away, if rules and respect aren't applied.