re: Pushy MIL

Quoting Callie L. La Hoya:" Amen sister. A privilege that can be taken away, if rules and respect aren't applied."

One that I know all too well... I had to take my dads "rights" away.

OP your child is a month old. You deserve time with YOUR child. Not your SO's moms child. YOUR CHILD. Stick up, be firm.

Quoting ✰ Mrs. B ✰:" I'm sorry you're going through this. And yes, I understand that you feel grandparents have a right to ... [snip!] ... (every weekend for a month, etc.) is an extended period of time given the stressful circumstances it causes for DD and you."

Yeah this is why i posted this here... I have put up with it for this long and i thought that it would be like this for the first 2 maybe 3 weeks at a push, and i was willing to accept that because that's just the type of person she is, but it has been going on for far too long now. There's being excited about your first grandchild and there's being posessive and, IMO, obsessed!
I do agree, me and SO need a big talk... I have told him how i feel about this but i don't think he really understands the severity of the situation and the stress it is putting on me.

When DD was 2 weeks old MIL and FIL insisted on taking DD out for a walk in her pram (there was no negotiation on this, they were GOING for a walk with DD) without us and I really wasn't comfortable with that, and I just cried the whole time they were gone because she was only 2 weeks old and i wasn't with her! I mean ffs, i had had her for only 2 weeks!

Also when DD was around 2 weeks old, I asked MIL to have a cuddle with her (I can't believe I have to as to hold my own daughter) and she had the cheek to turn around and say "but you have her all day, everyday"
I had to go into another room because i needed to bawl my eyes out! she was around 14 days old and yes, i have her all day every day (well in fact i don't because MIL has her for the whole of saturday and sunday) but she is so so new and we need to BOND!!!

In regards to your SO and MIL using the emotional guilt trip thing, I would mention that to him as well. I had these same issues with my MIL and I finally told my husband, "When she cries, she gets her way, if her feelings are hurt, the world is over. But I request SIMPLE things, and I get turned down, shunned, and treated like I am the craziest, meanest person EVER." She will talk to me or text me RUDE things, then when I show my husband and say something back to her, she'll call him crying, "oh i didn't mean what I said in a bad way! Why would she take it like that?!" Just completely bogus things, and hubby will be upset with me, I will be upset with MIL and it is a never ending cycle. 7 years and we are still to this day, dealing with it.

Quoting NatashaHarper:" Yeah this is why i posted this here... I have put up with it for this long and i thought that it would ... [snip!] ... day (well in fact i don't because MIL has her for the whole of saturday and sunday) but she is so so new and we need to BOND!!!"

Yeah she needs to back off... or have her rights stripped.

I know how you feel except it isn't my MIL Its my mom. We don't see her like you do but we try to get together once a week. But she calls every flipping day if not multiple times. And half the time its about smu*f that could have waited. It never fails about 9am she will call to check in and see how things are going. I have been moved out of their house for almost a year and a half and its like she won't let me grow up. She tries to make decisions for my son and thinks she knows what's best. I love her dearly but I would love a day that my phone wouldn't ring. And its also pissing of my SO. I have been nice so far but now everytome I or SO posts a rant on Facebook she gets on my smurf and drags me into the middle of something I wasn't involved with in the first place.

I have the same issue with SO stepmom. I dont like her for several reasons, but that only increased once i got pregnant. She is very pushy and pouts like a 3 year old when she doesnt get her way. She has only had one opportunity to take my LO out of my arms and i did not let her. She tried to snatch him away from me i held my ground and told her no then about 5 mins after that she fell and broke her ankle and almost fell off the dock. DS was 2 months old when that happened, she was just able to hold him again right before christmas whe DS turned 5 months old. Just talk to her and let them know there will be consequences if they dont listen to you. You are the parent and they have to learn your rules. SO and I live with my mom for the time being and even though we live in her house she still respects the rules and routines we have set for LO and she follows them if she watches him for us.

Quoting Callie L. La Hoya:" In regards to your SO and MIL using the emotional guilt trip thing, I would mention that to him as well. ... [snip!] ... upset with me, I will be upset with MIL and it is a never ending cycle. 7 years and we are still to this day, dealing with it."

She's not mean, as such, i mean, letting DD cry because she isn't getting what she wants is pretty cruel IMO so i'm kinda glad it's not like that. That's horrible about the messages! If they are rude, they are rude, there's no hiding that... i bet she sends them to you and when she finds out you have told your SO she makes an excuse as to why she wrote it :/ i'm sorry you're struggling with this too, 7 years is a long long time!

OP: I'm afraid if you don't stand up for yourself NOW...it will only get worse. I was the same way in the beginning. I know my SO was it for me, so obviously I wanted his family and friends to like me, after a few years of their crap, I just didn't care any more. I even told my husband, you know what? You can either take me or leave me, but for WHO I AM. I am NOT the girl who just rolls over and takes it when people (FAMILY) is just treating me poorly just because they think they can. I can and WILL stand up for myself each and every time. So get used to it, or tell them and do something about it.

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Yeah she needs to back off... or have her rights stripped. "

Yeah...
you said earlier about standing up for myself... I'm really not good at doing that! If someone says something I hate going against them even if I know that it's not necessarily right or the best thing to do :/ I just like to keep the peace i guess... i need to grow some serious balls and man up and tell her!

Quoting NatashaHarper:" Yeah... you said earlier about standing up for myself... I'm really not good at doing that! If someone ... [snip!] ... or the best thing to do :/ I just like to keep the peace i guess... i need to grow some serious balls and man up and tell her!"

I hate doing that too... But you have to step up. In the last 2 years I have really grown some balls in telling my family where they can shove smurf if they get in the way of parenting or my parentning choices.

Quoting Mommy2Parker:" I know how you feel except it isn't my MIL Its my mom. We don't see her like you do but we try to get ... [snip!] ... a rant on Facebook she gets on my smurf and drags me into the middle of something I wasn't involved with in the first place."

Sorry you're going through this too   SO moved in with me and my parents (who were still together at the time) in like september 2011 so he's been moved out for over a year! parents split up in december 2011 and we moved in with my mum until end of july/beginning of august when we moved in with my dad for a few weeks (the realationship between my mum and i is very unstable) then on like august 15th r something we moved into our own place. I'm just so fed up with MIL at the minute, I guess it's because i'm tired and cranky that i'm in this mood today but still.. this smurf needs to be sorted out!
i hope it gets better for you soon

Quoting Adan's Mama  :" I have the same issue with SO stepmom. I dont like her for several reasons, but that only increased once ... [snip!] ... live in her house she still respects the rules and routines we have set for LO and she follows them if she watches him for us."

This! She does that pouty 3 year old face. it winds me the smurf up!
My mum is really good and respects my rules and wishes as a parent, even though we don't get on very well... It's so odd, i thought that the parents would be the other way around... my mum not listening and MIL and FIL being understanding, but i guess i was wrong!
Yeah i need to just man up and set the rules, it's got too out of control!

Quoting Callie L. La Hoya:" OP: I'm afraid if you don't stand up for yourself NOW...it will only get worse. I was the same way in ... [snip!] ... they can. I can and WILL stand up for myself each and every time. So get used to it, or tell them and do something about it."

Yeah exactly, I don't want this to go on for ages and ages... Ir's just frustrating because i HAVE told her that i'm not comfortable with what she does, agreed i didn't say it forcefully, but surely she should have listened to me if she even cared about my thoughts and feelings? :/

Quoting NatashaHarper:" Yeah exactly, I don't want this to go on for ages and ages... Ir's just frustrating because i HAVE told ... [snip!] ... i didn't say it forcefully, but surely she should have listened to me if she even cared about my thoughts and feelings? :/"

Yes, she definitely should have. The fact that she didn't will only add to your "ammo" as far as why your frustration level is so high. You can mention to both her AND SO that you have tried to get your point across nicely and respectfully and it has not worked. (In my case that is what I needed, the ammo to be able to justify why I was so hostile about certain things) because they would say, "well you didn't need to say it so snotty, or like that". My reply would of course be, "well YEAH I did because apparently you didn't respond to my requests, now I will just DEMAND that our rules as parents are followed."

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" I hate doing that too... But you have to step up. In the last 2 years I have really grown some balls ... [snip!] ... grown some balls in telling my family where they can shove smurf if they get in the way of parenting or my parentning choices. "

Yeah... I suppose it's because i am so new to this whole thing that I don't really know what to expect (i know that this is wrong though!) I guess with time and i become more confident with parenting and stuff I can tell people where they can shove it! It's all so confusing because it's new and i've got people telling me this and that and SO saying that it's selfish to not let them see them and MIL getting 'upset' when she doesn't get her way...it's all a bit much for this mamma right now!