How to tell a 4 year old.

First off, I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this, so sorry if it is not.

My Great uncle's girlfriend of 29 years (my aunt) passed away the day after Christmas. She was 82 years old so she lived a long life. On Dec. 27 I received a card from her along with a $100 check so all day Dec. 27 & 28 I tried calling her to thank her and never got an answer. Finally at 5pm on Dec. 27 I got an answer, but it was the Sheriff's Dept and they had told me to call her daughter to find out what happened. My mom called and they said that nobody could get ahold of her those two days and became worried so they sent someone over and she was found in her bed.

So my question is, how do you tell a 4 year old about this? Every couple weeks we would always go pick up my aunt and bring her to lunch, so it is just a matter of time before my daughter will ask to go have lunch with her. I have put it off for now because I just don't know how to tell her. There will be a memorial service for her Jan 25 so I need to tell her before then. I'm also not one who really believes in the whole heaven and hell thing, so I don't think I can exactly tell her she has gone to heaven. Any help please?

Explain death to her. That there comes a time when people pass way for different reasons and explain that she passed away.

Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" Explain death to her. That there comes a time when people pass way for different reasons and explain that she passed away."

Like it seems that that would be easy, but I just can't seem to find the right way to do it.

Also I'm sorry for your loss.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brookelynn's Mommy:</b>" Like it seems that that would be easy, but I just can't seem to find the right way to do it. "</blockquote>




I know, it's hard, I have a 4 year old too. I had to explain it to her in April when my grandpa passed away. It'll come to you.

Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Brookelynn's Mommy:</b>" Like it seems that that would be easy, ... [snip!] ... I know, it's hard, I have a 4 year old too. I had to explain it to her in April when my grandpa passed away. It'll come to you."

Thank you.

I know there's some books on death and heaven for children. Maybe read her one to help explain it to her.

Explain to her that once we get old, our bodies run out of energy like a battery and once it's all gone we die, and once we die, we don't hurt anymore and are at peace?

Quoting Brookelynn's Mommy:" Like it seems that that would be easy, but I just can't seem to find the right way to do it. "

First of all, *hugs* I am so sorry you lost your aunt   Now, she's 4, not stupid. I know it's hard, trust me. As parents, I think we under estimate our children way too often, especially in subjects such as death. Unfortunately our family has had to deal with a lot of deaths in recent years so it's just become so routine with us. She will understand, explain it as you would explain death to me. How she processes it will vary. Just like you and me, we both will process a loss quite differently, same goes as children. My older two are VERY different. My oldest is quite matter of fact. Very open, honest and raw. We live, then we die. Point blank. She's been that way since she was 3 and we experienced our very first close family loss. My 5 yr old on the other hand, he handles death very emotionally. Rage, sadness, empathy, ect. He experiences every emotion one could possibly have. Make sure you reassure her any feelings and emotions she has is very ok and she may express them to you if she would like.

Quoting Moses.:" First of all, *hugs* I am so sorry you lost your aunt   Now, she's 4, not stupid. I know it's hard, ... [snip!] ... Make sure you reassure her any feelings and emotions she has is very ok and she may express them to you if she would like."

Thank you. She is extremely smart and comes up with questions that I can't even believe sometimes, which is what I am most worried about is trying to find the answers to her questions. Like, where do you go when you die? I guess I find that to be real difficult since I myself don't know and have no beliefs of heaven and hell and angels and all that, so it would be like, I don't know, you just die. I can be straight forward about it, but I just don't want to be too cold about it, if you get what I'm trying to say.

Quoting Brookelynn's Mommy:" Thank you. She is extremely smart and comes up with questions that I can't even believe sometimes, which ... [snip!] ... die. I can be straight forward about it, but I just don't want to be too cold about it, if you get what I'm trying to say."

Absolutely. And that is hard. I DO believe in heaven, and the likes, but I do not want to force my beliefs on my kids. So, when I was asked, we made it a discussion of "what do you believe?" With my oldest she was quiet, reserved and it wasn't until several weeks later she came to me with her "version" of what happens. And well, we left it at that. Because really, I do not know if I am right. Or wrong. It is what I believe, my beliefs are no more right than yours, kwim? There ARE downsides to this belief system. A few months after my grandfather died we were driving. She was 4 at the time, my 5 yr old was just 2 months old. She says to me "Mommy, I just can't wait to die! I am going to be sooo happy when I die." I nearly wrecked, I swear lol. I kept asking her to change the subject, and she would say "Why? Everyone dies. It's a part of life. I'll die, my brother will die. Even you will die. Then, we will go to Heaven and spend forever." SMH, she still has this belief and doesn't have a single fear of death. I suppose that's ok, but I wish she wasn't so.........crass about it at times. My 5 yr old still hasn't decided where he thinks we go after death. Questions like that you really can't answer. You can tell them what you think, but we don't have proof one way or the other, kwim?