I hate losing weight

I'm terrified of calories. I need to lose weight. I keeping track of calories and struggling to eat 1000-1200 a day. When I was in high school I had a borderline eating disorder. I went from 130 to 90 lbs in a little over 2 months. I looked disgusting. I don't/won't go back down that path. I am constantly thinking and checking my fitness app before I even walk in the kitchen. I'm at 785 calories today right now. I know I need to eat more but the thought makes me feel sick. My husband is rightfully getting on me. Nutrition and fitness are his expertise. Ugh I hate hating myself. It doesn't help I had a terrible emotional day and I'm combating it by doing the opposite of comfort eating.

Babe, I know what you mean...but just keep in mind, the calories don't mean nearly what people think they do. Eat a TON of calories a day if you want  

Fill your day with fresh foods and your calories will fill up but it's good for your body. It's the bad calories, fat, and salt you need to watch out for.

I understand your silent suffering.




*hugs*

By the way, I honestly think you look better with a fuller face than your avi now. Your old ones are striking. You are still pretty, but you are suffering to distort your image in a way that doesn't improve your appearance.

It's hard not to punish yourself when you have that tendency, but I am being truthful. Be you!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Devil's Advocate:</b>" Babe, I know what you mean...but just keep in mind, the calories don't mean nearly what people think ... [snip!] ... and your calories will fill up but it's good for your body. It's the bad calories, fat, and salt you need to watch out for."</blockquote>




Ugh and I know that. My diet log is awesome. Minus very few things its totally clean eating. The act of eating is wigging me out  

<blockquote><b>Quoting pilot Jess:</b>" By the way, I honestly think you look better with a fuller face than your avi now. Your old ones are ... [snip!] ... improve your appearance. It's hard not to punish yourself when you have that tendency, but I am being truthful. Be you!"</blockquote>




  all I see is super fat cheeks. I have had distorted body imagine since I was a teen. I really need to find a new counselor. We moved islands and I don't have one now and I really need one again. My confidence lately is shot.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brink:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting pilot Jess:</b>" By the way, I honestly think you look better ... [snip!] ... to find a new counselor. We moved islands and I don't have one now and I really need one again. My confidence lately is shot."</blockquote>




You look disproportionate (not horribly so but why take away from beauty?), you have lovely apple cheeks.


I get ya mamma though. I self hate in a similar awful way.

Quoting pilot Jess:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Brink:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting pilot Jess:</b>" ... [snip!] ... so but why take away from beauty?), you have lovely apple cheeks. I get ya mamma though. I self hate in a similar awful way."

Disproportionate? How so? Guess I don't see it  

What if you aim higher? 1000-1200 is like starving yourself   How about 1400? PLUS you are still breastfeeding right? You will lose and gain right back   Don't be hungry!

<blockquote><b>Quoting LRX:</b>" What if you aim higher? 1000-1200 is like starving yourself   How about 1400? PLUS you are still breastfeeding right? You will lose and gain right back   Don't be hungry!"</blockquote>




I shoot for 1350. He's about weaned. We introduced a straw sippie and he's like see ya mom unless its like 2 am and I have to get up in a few hours. Breastfeeding makes it harder for me to lose weight. After T weaned I went for 4 sizes in about 8 weeks.
Ugh I'm just a mess.

No matter what size you are, you are absolutely gorgeous.

Woah woah woah.


You are one of the most striking, beautiful women I have ever seen. I really mean this.


Please be careful babycakes.

Quoting Narcissus ™:" Woah woah woah. You are one of the most striking, beautiful women I have ever seen. I really mean this. Please be careful babycakes."

Amen.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Devil's Advocate:</b>" Disproportionate? How so? Guess I don't see it  "</blockquote>




That came out wrong, her face doesn't need to be gaunt to be pretty.

When I pack on a few, my face is less attractive. I am much prettier when I look starved. She on the other hand carries it well.