re: good touch/bad touch help

Quoting ♥JoJo my luv♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Amanda Contento:</b>" That would be my first reaction because ... [snip!] ... was off the hook and it was not a big deal he could have traumatized his lil sister ? Yet no one seems concerned about her"

But what if he was abused as well? And he is 3, he does not understand what molesting or any of that is. That has to be taught. Making a 3 year old feel like he victimized his sister is a pretty quick way to traumatize them. The younger sibling should be talked to about good touch bad touch as well, assuming they are old enough to start understanding.

Quoting ashleeoh:" But what if he was abused as well? And he is 3, he does not understand what molesting or any of that ... [snip!] ... younger sibling should be talked to about good touch bad touch as well, assuming they are old enough to start understanding."

Exactly.

When will people realize that there is more to parenting then punishing kids?

Quoting speaktruth2powr:" Exactly. When will people realize that there is more to parenting then punishing kids?"

I agree, and I find that my daughter learns and responds much better when I sit down and talk to her about not only what she did that she shouldn't do, but what actions she should be doing. Especially in that type of circumstance where she is not overly upset and in need of having calm down time.

Quoting ashleeoh:" I agree, and I find that my daughter learns and responds much better when I sit down and talk to her ... [snip!] ... should be doing. Especially in that type of circumstance where she is not overly upset and in need of having calm down time."

I think people just have a skewed view of what discipline truly is. If discipline is done correctly, the child learns something and punishment is not needed.

Spanking is not discipline, spanking is punishment.

A 3 year old child removing the clothes of another child is a big red flag he has been molested. I understand that there is another child to protect her, but correcting the 3 year old is not the proper move. He needs to be seen by a professional and get help. If nothing comes of it then he needs to be explained that his actions were not right. By the way it does not mean he was molested by an adult. I'd look at older children he is around as well..


I know what I'm talking about here, I've been working with kids who have been abused in all ways for the past 5 years

Really do some research here

Quoting ♥JoJo my luv♥:" You need to disipline I would spank him for doing that around his sister otherwise he will keep doing ... [snip!] ... even family can be gross and in most cases its someone u know dnt b to trusting with anyone good luckand discipline how u want"

Ya know I read your statement again and it enrages me how ignorant it is. To say "You don't want a sexual predator when he grows up" and to really think spanking is the best way to nip it in the bud... so he stops.... seriously.... I am just at a loss for how idiotic that truly was.

My (ex) SO's son was doing inappropriate stuff and you take the kid to a therapist or talk to them... not smurfing spank them and if they ARE doing anything it doesnt mean they are a sexual predator.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Amanda Contento:</b>" That would be my first reaction because I would be shocked like WTF is my child doing naked with his ... [snip!] ... in public. All he gets is some jail time and he's out. Something needs to happen to make them realize that is a serious thing. "</blockquote>



There is a huge difference between as 15 year old and a 3 year old! The fact that you are comparing the two is absurd. I'm sorry that that happened to you. But the 15 year old knee exactly what he was doing. The 3 year old really needs to see a professional to see what if anything has happened to him. Seriously that is something he has learned from someone. Spanking him is only going to make the situation worse if he has been abused. Especially if you're telling him not to touch people in there private parts and then you go and spank him in the same area.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♥JoJo my luv♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting kate & tilly:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ♥JoJo ... [snip!] ... not appropriate if she was sexually abused thats something different I would take her to therapy and put that abuser In jail ."</blockquote>

Your aren't going to know that he was molested or abused by someone until you've taken him to a professional.

Quoting speaktruth2powr:" If you are concerned that he has been touched, you can talk to your doctor about it. To me, it seems like curiosity. He knows what he has, he wanted to see if his sister is the same as him."

This is the first thought that crossed my mind. He's discovering his parts and he's curious. Can your DH talk to him about it since they have the same stuff and show that they stay covered?

I just want it to be known that we do not regularly spank, in fact we have never ever wanted to spank and it has happen a handful of times. This particular instance was a reactionary thing out of fear and I immediately regretted it and apologized to DS. The issue actually at topic here was DS's inappropriate behavior. I consulted with an Early On specialists whom I know personally today. She was able to consult with a conference room full of child mental health specialists. None of them think that the behaviors exhibited by my son were any cause for alarm. That being said that did want me to educate myself and my son on what happen, what can happen (as far as sexual predation) and what to do here on out. Me and my son were able to sit down the evening and have a short discussion on what behavior is appropriate and what is not. Thank you to all of the posters who were able to stay OT.

Quoting Sheldon & Elora's Momma:" I just want it to be known that we do not regularly spank, in fact we have never ever wanted to spank ... [snip!] ... a short discussion on what behavior is appropriate and what is not. Thank you to all of the posters who were able to stay OT."

I'm so glad it turned out alright.

I think our media saturation immediately makes us jump to the worst case scenario.

Quoting speaktruth2powr:" I'm so glad it turned out alright. I think our media saturation immediately makes us jump to the worst case scenario. "

For me it's actually the opposite, it's real life experience that has made me paranoid. I've just worked with too many kids who were severely harmed by people that the family did not expect to be predators. I know how often it really happens and it's scary.

Quoting kate & tilly:" <blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" This is one of the most ignorant statements I've read in a long time."</blockquote> I thought so too"

Me too.

Quoting Amanda Contento:" That would be my first reaction because I would be shocked like WTF is my child doing naked with his ... [snip!] ... in public. All he gets is some jail time and he's out. Something needs to happen to make them realize that is a serious thing. "

There is a HUGE difference between 15-16 year old and a 3 year old. If the good touch/bad touch has not been given how in the world is a 3 year old supposed to know that being naked with anyone is bad? Has he been told before not to take his sister's clothes off? He may have just been curious. Usually kids that age start to figure out that boys and girls are different. Have a talk with the kid yes, hit the kid no.