Custody / child support .. advice?
posted 7th Jan
I'll try to make this short but I'll explain my situation breifly - can anyone give me advice on child support / custody, how it works? what are the chances or gaining sole custody, etc..
Okay, well my BD and I broke up in November, but we've been really unhappy and haven't been getting along for years, I think I only stayed with him because of the baby. Well I live right outside of Montreal (Quebec, Canada) and he moved to Freelinton (close to Toronto, Canada) a bit before we broke up. He comes down to see our son (16 months) every two months or so. When he comes down they play for a bit and get a long, but after a few days BD is back to video games, he sleeps in late and only really does anything if I'd ask him to.
I hadn't thought of suing him for custody or child support because I didn't think we needed to get the courts and everything involved because I thought we could just figure something out on our own and I also felt bad taking anything from him. (stupid, I know. I've been very naive when it came to him).
Anyways, I don't really want to take his child away from him, I do want them to spend time together as much as possible (even though he barely ever did when he was living here) but he threatened he'd sue me for full custody and he's been getting really creepy. The last time he was here, I had to leave on the 28th and he was leaving the 29th, so he was to spend the day alone with LO then my mom was to watch him until I got back. As soon as I left he hacked into my computer and found a message from my bestfriend telling me he had feelings for me. Just that, I never cheated on him or anything, my friend just told me he had feelings for me. Anyway he freaked out and stole all my underwear, lingerie and sexy bras and told me that if he can't see me in those, nobody can - not that I had any intentions of throwing myself around in lingirie I wore for my ex anyway, but none the less, I don't know if that's a normal thing for guys to do, but it's pretty damn creepy to me. That's thing, on top of him getting his cousin and friends to guilt trip me and his cousin was even making threats toward me to take my ex back.
Ok so back to the point, he's been acting weird and it scares me. Another thing about me being afraid of him taking our son away is that he's very immature - one of our common fights was that I was paying everything except rent (which was less than groceries, internet, baby stuff, etc), and he has two sports cars, goes out with the guys, he spends money on himself, he wouldn't even help pay for our sons first birthday party (not even gifts) and he would be angry with me if I bought myself a 20$ dress or something every blue moon. And he's trashed both cars, one three times and he even laughed about it!, he's lost his licence twice for speeding, he even got out of the car once with LO and I in it to fight with someone over road rage. He doesn't really pay attention to the baby when he has him, he nearly dropped him as a new born and has let him go up the stairs because he didn't close the gate, a bunch of things. See, I don't want to take LO away from him, but I'm afraid of him being alone with the baby because he's really uncareful and neglectful.
I have a thousand things to say but I hope I said enough about my situation for the advice I need. It's not that he's a bad guy, he's a good guy but was not a good boyfriend to me, and wasn't a deadbeat or anything but is an immature father. He loves his kid, but he's not ready to be alone with him and I can't risk that.
& as for child support. He said he didn't want to support us financially and I don't want to take his money. But I'm in college right now, I'd like to have a good career for my child and future children, and I had to chose between work and college - I chose college over a 7$/hr job - it makes things tougher but I know it's best for my son and I in the end (which is two years from now). So I can't afford it, I need it right now.
& like I said, I don't want to take the baby away, but since BD has been acting obsessive and suicidal and unsafe and all I don't feel safe with him taking the baby outside the province or anything without me...
Ok so in a nutshell, we're not together, he moved 8 hours away, all the stuff about his car and everything I previously stated
What kind of custody am I likely to get? (shared doesn't seem too legit being that he lives 6-8 hours away)
What do you think my chances are of getting sole custody? (I believe here that's 60% or more)
How does child support work? how much does the parent with custody obtain? I know that when my parents were separated my dad was giving my mom I believe half his pay, but I think they came to an agreement on their own without fighting in court.
My mind is really boggled but any advice anyone can give me would be more than greatly appreciated. Should I be worried? I feel like because I'm in college and he's working, he's likely to be granted custody, I was told that that's a silly thought and I'm a lot more likely to be granted custody but I'm afraid of so many things.
And yes, I'm going to see a lawyer (oh, that's another thing, he can afford a good lawyer, I'm likely going to have to apply for legal-aid). But I wanted to hear from other moms also. Sorry if this is confusing, I just want to know whatever advice anyone can tell me.
I have 1 child & live in Quebec