The Spanking Debate..

So a few years ago (not sure exactly when) spanking your child was made illegal. It was meant to stop abuse of children, never actually worked out though. That's not what this post is about however.
What I want to know is am I within my rights to prohibit SO from spanking DS when he gets older? He's already said that he is pro-spanking whereas I'm ridiculously anti-spanking. I'm not against people that do it, it's just not the way I want to raise my baby.
I basically want to know if I'm within my rights to tell SO "There is no smurfing way you are spanking our kid" when it's his baby as well? I know there is a compromise when it comes to raising children but in the case of spanking I don't think there is one. I don't want my son growing up fearing being physically hurt by his father, or anyone else.
Sorry if this makes no sense or I've repeated myself, I'm typing one-handed while BFing lol

* Watching. I'm wondering the same.

You could always sit and talk to him about it.
I would like to think that he would compromise with you, but that doesn't always mean he will.

I think you are perfectly within your rights. If you feel so strongly about it, then you should definitely voice your opinion. Does he know how strongly you feel about not spanking your children?

honestly I don't think you can do anything legally.
Maybe instead show/tell him why you do not want your child to be spanked?
I think if he was to spank his son there would be nothing you could do about it, unless he was abusing him or using excessive force (leaving marks)

SO was pro spanking, and did spank his older kids. However, after we had a lot of conversations about it, and he saw the effect it was having on his son, he agreed he wouldn't do it. All of our major parenting decisions are made after a lot of discussion and research on both our parts cause that's just how we roll

You can talk to him about it but you can't really do anything about it if he choses to spank.

Legally, if you're not married, I guess it would depend on how your custody is arranged... wouldn't it? The parent with primary custody could force the issue into the custody agreement.

However, I wouldn't want to go that far unless it was clear nothing else would work. I would gather research and show him how spanking psychologically affects kids (and the adults who utilize it as a discipline). Of course, he could come back with research for HIS side, so you'd have to be prepared to offer him the same respect you expect in researching with him to come to a final decision. Consistency is going to be key, imo, if you both are spending equal amounts of time with the kids.

I've tried talking to him about it, and he agrees with me, then says "but it wouldn't be til he was older, he needs discipline" etc. It's like talking to a brick wall, I can't get my point across. I want to raise DS in a way that he respects what we say and we can reason with him, I believe that spanking hinders that. I also don't see how you can raise a child telling them it's wrong to hit/hurt people while spanking them as a punishment. I hate seeing people spanking kids for normal kid behaviour like yelling or hyperactivity. I've seen it too often.
I'm not sure he knows how strongly I feel about the subject. We've got a lot of time to come to an agreement, DS is only ten weeks old but its come up a few times in conversation and he seems hell bent on spanking.  

Quoting Lucas'Mama:" So a few years ago (not sure exactly when) spanking your child was made illegal. It was meant to stop ... [snip!] ... by his father, or anyone else. Sorry if this makes no sense or I've repeated myself, I'm typing one-handed while BFing lol"

SO was very pro spanking until I debated with him. I showed him information and facts relating to spanking as well as teaching him other methods rather than spanking.

He still was a little pro spanking after, but has calmed down a lot by it.

We worked on an age that he could spank, which is 5, and also a chart. We would go to other methods first before the spanking and BOTH of us had to agree on when a spanking would be appropriate.
1. Command
2. Warning
3. Time Out/Grounding/Extra Chores ((whatever fits the crime))
4. Spanking

It's all about compromise and BOTH of you must feel comfortable. It you do not want spanking at ALL, I would recommend parenting classes for him or you need to leave because this will just cause fights and you both will be miserable.

Oh...and if it is illegal. He doesnt need to do ANY spanking because if LO ever told anyone, he can be taken away from you or you both could face jail time and a record.

If it's illegal.I would just tell him don't do it or I'm reporting you

Legally, probably not much you could do.
I just told DH that I will take over "being the bad guy" and now if they are in trouble he sends them to me and I deal with it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" SO was very pro spanking until I debated with him. I showed him information and facts relating to spanking ... [snip!] ... do ANY spanking because if LO ever told anyone, he can be taken away from you or you both could face jail time and a record. "</blockquote>




Do this, discuss, know all the facts, and then if he still insists on it, agree to exhaust every other option first.

Technically I could stop him, because it's illegal in my country. You can actually get arrested for it. I wouldn't want to call the cops on my SO because he spanked my child though, but if he kept doing it after I asked him not to I might.

I like the idea of gathering research for him to read. It'll take some prodding to get him to actually READ it but it's well worth it. Does anyone have any good links that helped them out?

Quoting Lucas'Mama:" Technically I could stop him, because it's illegal in my country. You can actually get arrested for it. ... [snip!] ... take some prodding to get him to actually READ it but it's well worth it. Does anyone have any good links that helped them out?"

Don't make him read it, you need to tell him, be informed about them, and discuss it with him face to face. That way, information isnt going "in one ear and out the other." You both need to understand the effects to make informed decisions about it

Im sure if you google "psychological effects of spanking your child" a lot will come up.

Good luck!