re: The Spanking Debate..

My mom had the judge put into our custody papers he (and she) were not allowed to hit us.

Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" Don't make him read it, you need to tell him, be informed about them, and discuss it with him face to ... [snip!] ... decisions about it Im sure if you google "psychological effects of spanking your child" a lot will come up. Good luck! "

Awesome, thank you  
Honestly, even saying I'd contemplate calling the police on SO for spanking makes me sound psychotic to myself. But the way I see it, it's physically harming someone who you're meant to protect. It's not the way I want my baby brought up

Maybe just show him other ways of disciplining and tell him to try those first, hopefully they will work so he doesn't get to spanking. I remember before it was illegal I used to see parents spanking their small children for something as normal as being loud, it's really sad  

Quoting Elliot Reid:" Maybe just show him other ways of disciplining and tell him to try those first, hopefully they will work ... [snip!] ... it was illegal I used to see parents spanking their small children for something as normal as being loud, it's really sad  "

Yeah, that's what I don't want. I can see him getting frustrated with the terrible twos and spanking him for being a toddler   I'm still looking stuff up but I'm gonna talk to him about it soon. I've tried to explain that the parenting style I most identify with is attachment parenting but he doesn't really get what that means lol

Quoting Lucas'Mama:" Technically I could stop him, because it's illegal in my country. You can actually get arrested for it. ... [snip!] ... take some prodding to get him to actually READ it but it's well worth it. Does anyone have any good links that helped them out?"

Try this site: http://www.ahaparenting.com/

I would exhaust everyone avenue first such as showing him information about the negative effects of spanking, discussing how much it would hurt you, etc, etc you know all the reasonable ways of trying to put him right HOWEVER failing that given that it is illegal in your country and you are within your rights to put a stop to his actions and have the law deal with him then I would just straight out tell him that! The fact that it is illegal in your country and he is still adamant he is going to spank IMO makes him a highly irresponsible parent because realistically if he does spank and you allow it by the time that child is able to speak they could quite easily just tell someone and then where will that all land you? He could be arrested for spanking, could you be arrested for allowing and failing to report a crime and then what happens to the child? Point that out to him also, is he really willing to put you all in a position to carry out illegal activity that could have very serious consequences just so he can spank?  

Are you the NZer with the American husband? Sorry if I'm wrong on that, lol. I would take him to the police station, and have them tell him that it's illegal and what they do to people who break the law... Ask them if they could point you to any alternative discipline classes locally.

Quoting justanothamotha:" Try this site: http://www.ahaparenting.com/"

Thank you!! I love how you have links for everything ;)

Quoting xTJ:" I would exhaust everyone avenue first such as showing him information about the negative effects of spanking, ... [snip!] ... put you all in a position to carry out illegal activity that could have very serious consequences just so he can spank?  "

Yeah he doesn't take the spanking law very seriously, I don't think many people do. It's unfortunate, we have such a high rate of child abuse but it seems like nothing gets done about it, they're too busy investigating good parents to remove the children from the truely dangerous households.
I will sit him down and have a serious talk about it. Just sucks that we have such differing views on discipline  

Quoting Kayla [ ]♥:" Are you the NZer with the American husband? Sorry if I'm wrong on that, lol. I would take him to the ... [snip!] ... and what they do to people who break the law... Ask them if they could point you to any alternative discipline classes locally."

Lol nope, that's not me   We're both kiwis. I'm not sure there are alternative discipline classes, but I know there are parenting classes in the area.. Maybe will look into them

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lucas'Mama:</b>" Yeah he doesn't take the spanking law very seriously, I don't think many people do. It's unfortunate, ... [snip!] ... I will sit him down and have a serious talk about it. Just sucks that we have such differing views on discipline  "</blockquote>



Wow that is really sad  

Just wondering how serious are the consequences to breaking this law? Could he face jail time, could you for allowing it? Could your child be taken away and will it effect any future children? Could it mean your child is placed on some kind of child protection register?

Quoting Lucas'Mama:" Thank you!! I love how you have links for everything ;)"

You can thank my insomnia. I end up reading a lot. LOL

My husband and I aren't against spanking but we have found that there are so many other punishments that work so much better. I don't think it would ever be a good idea to tell your SO that you forbid it considering your aren't HIS mother and as you said the child is his too. I'm sure him forbidding you to raise your son a certain way wouldn't go over to well with you, right? It's better to explain yourself and communicate instead of marching in and putting your foot down.

Spanking is illegal in her country, there could be serious consequences for all involved if he is adamant he is going to spank. There is no room for compromise in that case and she very well needs to put her foot down. The last thing they need is him arrested for spanking, her arresting for allowing it and failing to report it and the child having CPS involved in it's life, possible seperation from parents.

Quoting xTJ:" Spanking is illegal in her country, there could be serious consequences for all involved if he is adamant ... [snip!] ... for allowing it and failing to report it and the child having CPS involved in it's life, possible seperation from parents."

Well in theory I belive it's a child abuse charge, but they investigate it case by case. I think they were talking about changing our laws as well so people can be charged for not reporting child abuse, but I think that's for the more serious cases. So we definitely COULD face jail, whether or not they'd think it was serious enough to actually try us is another matter. It just depends on the cop involved I guess. I've heard of police being called for spanking (because the kid was screaming bloody murder) and the officer let them off with a warning. But with more and more kids dying from child abuse I wouldn't be surprised if they started making examples of people.
He just started joking about it again, and I got pissed off at him and he basically said "FFS I was joking, of course I'm not going to smurfing do it if you're that against it". So hopefully he sticks by that decision