I need BD on the same page..

As me when it comes to parenting DD,frankly I am growing tired of him going behind my back when he has our daughter.
DD just got home yesterday from 10 days with her dad and informed me of many things he has been letting her do. She will be 3 in March and hasn't had a pacifier in 7 months in my home but DD told me he lets her have one and that he said "don't tell mommy or she'll be very mad". Also she informed me that he MAKES her wear a pull-up and she has been potty trained for 4 months now. It's just things like this that make me feel like I'm not co-parenting with him at all rather parenting when she is on my time and he just does whatever the hell he wants when he has our daughter. I try to talk to him about these issues but only get excuses and lies as a response. I can only imagine how this is going to progress as she gets older.

I would be furious if I were in your position.
He's actively telling your daughter to lie to you. That's bullsmurf. And putting her back in pull ups when she's already potty trained is just ridiculous. I would avoid leaving her with him as much as possible until he sorts his smurf out

Wow... what's your custody agreement like? If you could have a professional back you up that that is NOT good for her (ie the potty training thing... that just can't be good for a kid at all), could he be forced to at least discuss things with you civilly?

IDK, but I would be very upset.

Quoting Lucas'Mama:" I would be furious if I were in your position. He's actively telling your daughter to lie to you. That's ... [snip!] ... already potty trained is just ridiculous. I would avoid leaving her with him as much as possible until he sorts his smurf out"

Oh believe me I was,I have calmed myself down since then. I fear the worst with him and these are prime examples of why,he is my worst enemy as a parent yet he is the other side to the equation. I wish I could avoid him taking DD but we have a parenting plan in order and I would be violating the courts if I did anything to affect his visitation. So unfortunately my hands are tied unless one of these days I finally talk some sense into him!

I'm a moron, I didn't see that you guys were separated.

Can't you change the agreement because he's not taking care of her properly?

Quoting Lucas'Mama:" I'm a moron, I didn't see that you guys were separated. Can't you change the agreement because he's not taking care of her properly?"

I highly doubt it,I live in a fathers rights state and they basically don't care how smurffy the father is as long as he is in the childs life.
Example: he was kicked out of the military when DD was a baby for refusing to get clean from drugs and that meant nothing to the Judge,

Quoting C-Fab|MoM to HD|:" I highly doubt it,I live in a fathers rights state and they basically don't care how smurffy the father ... [snip!] ... he was kicked out of the military when DD was a baby for refusing to get clean from drugs and that meant nothing to the Judge,"

 
Yeah, coz that's such a great influence on a kids life.
Smurf I'm sorry OP. I know I'm terrified of ever breaking up with SO because I wouldn't want my kid away from me and he's a good father, I can't imagine what it would be like if he wasn't taking care of him. You, as the childs mother, should have the right to say he can't see her until he starts parenting her right.