Regret

Well, I havent been on here in awhile. I had my beautiful daughter shes 5 months old now & is my world.   I found out I was pregnant again the day after christmas. Yes, I know its real soon. I found out i was pregnant with my daughter last thanksgiving & i didnt have sex again until this time when i got pregnant because im not with bd. I was so desperate for attention & hated the way my body looked cuz i gained around 60 pounds with my daughter. So i ended up sleeping with my bestfriend who had an on and off again girlfriend.
Me & my daughter live with my aunt, i pay bills, and buy our food, but with just my income i cant afford our own place yet. When I found out i was pregnant my aunt told me to call the clinic, because she couldnt emotionally deal with it again. Im a hypocondriac and have bad anxiety so when im pregnant i think everything is wrong & everything is gonna hurt the baby. My friend got back with his girl and said he rather be dead then have a baby. I think to each thereown, but ive always said i would never have an abortion. I tried to talk them into adoption but they didnt think i would be able to give my baby away. I knew i didnt wanna keep it for myself cuz i wouldnt be able to handle it. Nothing seemed like the right choice i just knew i did not wanna have an abortion, but in order for me to stay having a place to live for my daughter i had too. So friday, i had the procedure. It was the worst thing ive ever done. It took me an hour to even walk in the doors i couldnt stop crying. I ended up being there 5 hours, cuz i had a panic attack afterwards so they kept me in the recovery room. Ive cried all day ever since then, it just keeps replaying in my head. & everytime I go to the bathroom and see the blood it reminds me what ive done. I am so angry at my self and ashamed that i even let myself let get pregnant again. I feel like such a bad mom. I coulda worked something out i had 9 months to figure something out. Now its to late, & i cant take it back, and i wish i never would have done it  

Oh Im sorry you are feeling this way honey. It will get better with time. <3

*hugs* I'm so sorry mama. Im sure it's hard. I've never been there but I bet it'll all work out once the newness of it goes away and you heal. I'm sure there are other mamas who have gone through the same thing that can offer you better support.

I'm sorry you had to make that tough decision. But you felt it what was best for your and your situation. You'll get through it, hon. Just take it easy and focus on your daughter.  

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this so much.
You made the right choice for you and your daughter. Even though it's very hard for you right now, You should be proud of yourself momma.
Hold your daughter and take comfort in knowing you are a good mom.
If you need someome to talk to feel free to PM me.
Best of luck.

I'm so sorry you're going through that, it will get easier with time. I've been through something similar, and although sometimes it still hurts, I know I'm better now for the decisions I've made. If you want to PM me, I'm here. So many hugs.

I've never been there, but I almost was once. I don't know fully what you're feeling, but I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

You did what you thought was best at the time, and you can't go back.

I hope you heal, mamma

That is a tough situation to be in. I really hope you find some peace soon. :-( try not to breast your self up. It might take a while but you have to forgive yourself. You have a lot of guilt going on. You are NOT a bad mother...you did what was best for you and your daughter. I don't know you but you sound like you have a good heart considering you put everyone's feelingsv into your decision. I hippie you feel better soon!

I'm so sorry sweetie <3 (((hugs)))

It's still very early days, it will get easier. You did what you thought best at the time. You said you had to do it so that you and your daughter had somewhere to live, you took the bullet for her. So you ARE a good mother. Try to hold on to that. I know it's easier said than done though, trust me, I've been there twice now. It's the only way we can move on though, we can't undo what;s done, we can only try to move on and focus on our beautiful children.

Good luck, give yourself time, don't be hard on yourself. I'm here if you need to talk xxxx

I've felt the same way you have, wishing you can take it back. I've hated myself and felt like a horrible human being. Even knowing I did it for the right reasons didn't make me feel better sometimes. You did what you had to to keep you and your daughter in a place where you could live, you did good. It's been almost 2 years since I gave up my last one. There are times where I wish I still had them, but I know that if I did keep them, I wouldn't be where I am now.

<blockquote><b>Quoting 07.25.12:</b>" Well, I havent been on here in awhile. I had my beautiful daughter shes 5 months old now & is my ... [snip!] ... i had 9 months to figure something out. Now its to late, & i cant take it back, and i wish i never would have done it  "</blockquote>




I'm so sorry you're hurting. Just remember it was the best choice at the time.

I struggled with regret and what-ifs off and on for a time after mine, and unlike you I had no qualms about terminating. I can only imagine how you feel:-(.

Google "mizuko kuyo." The Japanese have this way of dealing with child-loss, whether it be through SIDS, miscarriage or abortion. Maybe setting up a shrine like they do will help you , doing something concrete like this often does.

You can PM me if you need a shoulder. I'll. E here.

I hope this doesn't come out wrong or offensive, but you are such a strong woman ..seriously. you did what you had to for your daughter, and because of that, you have the opportunity to get yourself stable , possibly go to school ..get your own house etc. And yes maybe you could have figured something out..but there was a huge possibility that 9 months wouldnt have been enough time to...take the positives about this hard situation..stay strong mama!