Divorce Issues

So my husband and I decided to we are going to be getting a divorce. Things were supposed to be amicable but aparently that isn't going to happen. He came up to the room today and decided to talk to me, which was more of an argument than anything and he thought he was he man or something and threw the bookshelf down. Like pushed it over and broke the outlet. Then made a smart remark about it. He is going to stay on the ship on Monday (he is in the navy) but at this moment I don't even know what to do. I was called into work today (I got called about 1 to go in for 6) and everything was ok before i refused to give him my cash for him to get dip. Then he told me to not come home because he wouldn't allow me back in the house. When I came home I was on the phone with my good friend who lives literally five minutes away in case something happened and at first everything was ok. I came in the house did a few things and went right to my room. He ramdomly started a fight about me not telling him who was one the phone with me (I knew he would immediately start bashing her and possibly even call her and I didn't want her even more in it) and that argument led into the bookshelf incident. Uggh I just don't know what to do. I want Landon to finish kindergarten before we move to PA to be with all our families but I don't know how this is going to go and the last thing I want is for the kids to be around the fighting and stuff.

I guess this really wasn't for advice but more so just to get things out. Sorry

Are you scared it is going to escalate? I would write this all down and document it in case it does so you have dates to talk to his command about.

It might be best for you to live apart.

Also, are you getting permission to take the children and move out of state?

Because you are his wife and the military is helping fund your home and life, you have rights through his command. You may want to let them know that you two are going through a divorce, but that he has become violent and controlling and you feel unsafe and would like help dealing with the situation. When it comes to domestic violence it rarely ever gets better. I would also recommend pulling out some cash just in case he takes you off the account, changes the pin numbers, or pulls it all out. Just enough for you and your son to live off of for a few days and get to a family member's house.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" Because you are his wife and the military is helping fund your home and life, you have rights through ... [snip!] ... or pulls it all out. Just enough for you and your son to live off of for a few days and get to a family member's house."</blockquote>




Agree

We don't have much money...literally enough to pay bills. He threatened tonight to take all money out of our joint account and have his check go to the account with USAA he just made. I get paid friday and intend to save as much of it as I can but I have to pay on my car until the allotment hits (the car is in his name through the dealership I am on the loan as a co applicant). I don't think it is going to get better and I cannot wait for him to go to the ship on Monday. I don't have any family out here at all. All of my family is in PA I just have a few friends. If I have to go to my friends house I would. I am documenting everything including keeping every text from him (including one where he said about wanting to come upstairs and just do it while I'm sleeping and holding me down so I couldn't resist). He calls me a supid bitch, stupid smurf. etc. I hate who this man has become. This is not who I fell in love with over 8 years ago nor the man I married over 4 years ago. I am just scared for our children. Our daughter is about to be three and he has been deployed for most of her life, but our son is almost 5 and he gets super emotional when he deploys so I know this is going to tear him up.

Quoting :Brittany::" We don't have much money...literally enough to pay bills. He threatened tonight to take all money out ... [snip!] ... most of her life, but our son is almost 5 and he gets super emotional when he deploys so I know this is going to tear him up."

You are married so regardless of where he puts that money, you will be entitled to half of it. Documenting everything isn't going to change anything. You need to report it. Especially since he is threatening to take all of the family money and leave you and his child with nothing, on top of being verbally abusive and becoming violent and controlling. You REALLY need to let his command know.

Quoting Red Bottom:" You are married so regardless of where he puts that money, you will be entitled to half of it. Documenting ... [snip!] ... with nothing, on top of being verbally abusive and becoming violent and controlling. You REALLY need to let his command know. "

How do I go about that?? Do I email the ombudsman and explain everything?

Quoting :Brittany::" How do I go about that?? Do I email the ombudsman and explain everything?"

I wouldn't do it in writing, it's not as personal. You need to have someone physically speak to you whether it's on the phone or in person. Then they will have to address the situation immediately.

Quoting Red Bottom:" I wouldn't do it in writing, it's not as personal. You need to have someone physically speak to you whether it's on the phone or in person. Then they will have to address the situation immediately. "

Ok, maybe i can email the ombudsman and have her call me. I know the one from command functions so I would be comfortable spilling my guts to her so to speak.

Quoting :Brittany::" Ok, maybe i can email the ombudsman and have her call me. I know the one from command functions so I would be comfortable spilling my guts to her so to speak."

I would personally call her and not email her and ask for a call. You need to make the point that this is an urgent issue that needs to be dealt with immediately. Not something that can wait for someone's free time.

Quoting Red Bottom:" I would personally call her and not email her and ask for a call. You need to make the point that this ... [snip!] ... that this is an urgent issue that needs to be dealt with immediately. Not something that can wait for someone's free time. "

He went out after putting the kids to bed tonight so I called the ombudsmand I am cordial with and explained everything going on. She has been informed of everything and she has given me information to help me take care of some things (getting the kids and myself into counseling and Jarrod if he would like, also navy legal to get information on my rights as a spouse). Also she informed me of how much he is required to pay me for the kids and I a month and I intend to sit him down and talk to him about that ans set up a way for the amount minus housing and my car loan (which are both set to immediately come out of his check) each pay check. I really want this to me amicable but I know that things don't normally get better and I am prepared to call the cops on an instants notice if I have to. And I have a few friends who have opened their homes to me if I need to get out asap. For now he is going to the ship tomorrow and I feel safe in the decisions made at this point. I'm ready to move forward and get where I need to go

Quoting :Brittany::" He went out after putting the kids to bed tonight so I called the ombudsmand I am cordial with and explained ... [snip!] ... to the ship tomorrow and I feel safe in the decisions made at this point. I'm ready to move forward and get where I need to go"

For the child support and bank stuff, I would have another person there so he's forced to act like a human being.